Wednesday, March 14, 2007

SHOTGUN RULES

As a family we operate the Shotgun Rules as far as who sits where in the car.
Ariel emailed me this, charming child!Allegedly, on the autistic spectrum she is not, well you all know my theory on that one!

History Lesson: The term shotgun refers to back in old wild west days, when
a person would have to sit next to the driver of the wagon with a shotgun
to protect them from highway robbers:
Rules So far:
1. The Shotgunner must be in clear sight of the car, and shotgun can be
called regardless of whether the driver is in sight of the car
2. If you are the first to be picked up on a journey, you are automatically
given shotgun, until you violate the other shotgun laws and thus, forfeit
your position, the seat is yours
3. you cannot declare shot gun if someone has previously declared shotgun
for that journey.
4. when simultaneous shotgun is called, there is then a foot race to the
passenger side door from the all the people who called
5. shotgun cannot be called whilst inside a building (unless you are in a
multi- storey or underground car park!)
6. shotgun cannot be called in advance, only whilst on the way to the car
for the journey
7. on the call shotgun if the driver wants to mix things up a bit he can
call reload, this means that all calls of shotgun before that are void and
the first person to call shotgun again gets the seat... and if u plain
don't like the person who called shotgun.this is often used when there is a
simultaneous call and the driver is unsure of the outcome, also a shotgun
can have 2 barrels so a reload can only be called once
8. ja rob rule...if hes in the car shotgun now means back left so he cant
punch you every time a yellow car goes past
9. Once shotgun has been called for the front seat then back left and back
right can be called, thus leaving the fifth person who is traveling in the
middle (or the "bitch" seat)
10. Being as how everyone is created equal, men have the same right as
women to the front seat of the car. i.e. women don't own the front seat!
11. In the instance that the normal driver of a vehicle is drunk or
otherwise unable to perform their duties as driver, then he/she is
automatically given Shotgun.
12. Once the journey is underway, the person occupying shotgun becomes
controller of stereo/radio and it is their duty to sort out the
tunes.HOWEVER, if this person is being an arse,abusing their position and
pissing everyone off with crap choice of music/constantly changing/or just
generally not in control then the driver can stop the car, tell them to
give up shotgun and then it is up for grabs for all other persons in the
car.
13. Shoe Rule, anyone calling shotgun must have their shoes on, this is to
stop people running outside and calling shotgun, then having to go back
inside to put their shoes on, thus slowing the journey
14. Shotgun overrules Dibs, Baggsy's and and other girly calls!
15. despite the debate, shotgun can be used to shotgun things other than
the front seat (e.g. back left, back right, women, not going to answer the
door etc etc etc)
16. If traveling with a couple, one of the couple must shotgun the
front.....no one wants to chauffeur two of their mates whilst they are sat
in the back all over each other
17. If someone has successfully called shotgun, this gives them no right
whatsoever to correct the driver on their navigation skills ("take a left
here you dick head!") or driving ability ("I'd be in third gear if I was
driving") if the passenger does this then they forfeit their position as
shotgun holder
18. if someone says "whats shotgun?" after it has been called then they
have to walk
19. If you come up to the car and you already have who's shotgun..the
driver gets in and reaches over to unlock the shotgun door. if shotgun
opens it before its actually unlocked..(this happens when the driver is
still trying to unlock it and person pulls on handle) they have to give up
there rights as shotgun. Therefore..shotgun suicide!
20. The successful shotgunner, in the front of a vehicle, assumes the
responsibility for all gate opening, off licence nipping into, takeaway
ordering and question asking. He/she is, in essence the co-pilot and
therefore the enforcer of behaviour in the vehicle and exacter of
slaps/punches/water spraying/bag throwing at the passengers in the back.
21. automatic "couple's rights act 1997". This is that, if the driver is
the boyfriend/girlfriend of a passenger in the car, they have the right to
the seat of their choice.
22. The Pirate Rule - If One of the potential occupants of the vehicle is
dressed (convincingly) as a pirate then they are given automatic shotgun.
In the occurrence of more than one pirate then a sword fight shall determine
the successful shotgunner.
23. When driving past a woman walking a dog, everyone in the car must shout
of the window "who's walking who", it is the shotgunners responsibility and
failure to spot a potential heckling results in demotion to the bitch seat!

3 comments:

LAA and Family said...

This is hilarious! Too bad the "Couples Rights Act of 1997" (rule #21) wasn't around a few years earlier. My ex-fiance and I had a huge battle over this very thing (it was me vs. his charming little 2 year old nephew) which I believe ultimately led to our break up a few months later. The whole incident was a symptom, however, not a cause!

Unknown said...

however the oldest can over-rule any shotgun shouted...so ours is a little off....

but i have to say I love the idea of the "bitch seat".

Steve said...

Play it safe: drive a tank. Parking is a synch.

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(A Blessing from St. Patrick)
May the road rise to meet you,

May the wind be always at your back,

May the sun shine warm upon your face,

May the rains fall soft upon your fields,

And, until we meet again,

May God hold you in the hollow of His hand.