Monday, December 17, 2007

TO BULLY ON NOT TO BULLY, THAT IS THE QUESTION

I have heard it said a number of times that 'the bullied become bullies' but I do not believe that this has to happen Looking back over my life I can remember a number of incidents which I was involved in which were probably bullying.When I was about 6 I 'accidentally' bumped into a girl in the playground,' on another occasion I made a comment about a boys weight(I think I was about 8), on another occasion something happened which was a misunderstanding and the other person got upset and I think that I was more upset than they were and finally I made fun of a girl in school when I was about 14 but it was only the once. I am so getting old because I can clearly remember the incidents in my life that might be considered as bullying but I cannot remember sometimes that happened a week ago!
In primary school, secondary school, nursing and even church I was bullied. In school I was bullied so badly that life did not seem worth living and I even left my initial nurses training because I was bullied by a fellow student.In the secondary school I was bullied by 2 girls who were huge, they were so big they made Pat Butcher look positively waif like. Looking back with the experience of adulthood I would deal with the situation differently but looking back, when I was 14 the threats of violence from 2 amazonian type girls was very frightening..
Now I can hear the cogs in your brains whirring and thinking NOW WHERE DID THIS COME FROM?
Well I'm back again to Cyber Bullying.
What is wrong with people?
Are their meds not working?
Did they just get out of bed on the wrong side?
Or are they just plain mean?
Stereotypically we think of bullies as thick and ignorant people but on the Internet the biggest bullies seem to be quite intelligent people.
I have just witnessed some cyber bullying, I will not name the person as it will only give them the attention they obviously crave but anyone who usually reads my blog will not find it difficult to find out what I am talking about.
Life is way to short to get your jollies by being mean to other people.
OK you may have been bullied as a child or even as an adult, your life may have been poop but does it really make you feel better by treading on the feelings of others?

8 comments:

Elissa - Managing Autism said...

I've seen cyber bullying all too often on my blogging travels - it makes me sick to the stomach... the hurt and damage it causes.

I totally agree - "life is way too short to get your jollies by being mean to other people".

What ever happened to making people feel good?

farmwifetwo said...

People bully usually b/c they are envious of others.

When they learn to accept themselves and how does the saying go "you made your bed now lie in it"... doesn't need to be negative.. but it does mean.. "suck it up, get over it, and be HAPPY!!!".

People are too negative most of the time. And love to make those around them as miserable as they are.

I just ignore them.

S.

Marla said...

I have had one nasty comment lef ton my blog which made me revert to me having to approve every comment before I post it. I find it interesting that when I do that no one seems to leave nasty comments. The worst form of bullying I have encountered was in New Jersey in a work place. It was so bad. I too questioned what happened to this particular woman to be so cruel and obnoxious. She did manage to finally push me over the edge through sabotaging my work and making me look bad every chace she got. I learned a lot of lessons there. Mainly, don't waste your time working around people like that. They are so toxic and just a plain waste of time.

LAA and Family said...

I remember some incidents in my childhood in which I was just plain old mean to other children. I think all children do this from time to time, that's why we have Moms and Dads to teach us right from wrong! I wouldn't necessarily consider that bullying. I would consider "bullying" to be something ongoing that is emotionally and physically threatening or damaging. I was bullied in school when I was nine and it affected my level of self-confidence in school for years after that. Some people think it's good for children to go through the experience of being bullied to teach them how to get along with others. I say that is nonsense. When children are young there should never be a situation where they can be bullied, or do the bullying. There should be enough adult supervision for it to be nipped in the bud! I also don't care for programs that "teach" children how to deal with bullies. What a horrible responsibility to place on a child. Children need to be cared for by adults, not given adult responsibilities!

Steve said...

Bullying isn't about intelligence but about ego problems and warped opinions of self worth. Bullying for me is also a sustained campaign - we all act mean occasionally or say things we later regret. Bullying is usually premeditated and constant. CYber bullying is a curious spin off - and more cowardly because a lot of the time it is done anonymously - someone leaves a nasty comment and then they disappear. Like others here I have received some nasty comments on my blog which have upset me for a while afterwards. Now I use comment moderation. It's my blog and I choose who gets to voice their opinions there.

farmwifetwo said...

I found just not allowing anonymous comments was sufficient.

And Steve's right... it's all about ego.

I am the first to admit I have opinions... like them or not... but I also have a thing about using children, disability and fear to justify your actions.

Fear being the biggest. My dh and I had that conversation yesterday. Fear - seems to be the "way to go" lately for politicians and special interest groups. The part I guess that annoys me the most is that people buy into the "fear" instead of educating themselves... Why??

IMO those IBI/ABA Therapist's that were in my house used bullying... they would claim they were being helpful... making us miserable and telling us that if we didn't do as told our child would fail (there's a 100% lie)... is Bullying and fear.

S. - who will probably never totally get over it. And hopes her youngest son forgets they ever existed.

MOTHER OF MANY said...

It is funny that the bullying I accepted as a child I just would not tolerate with my own children-being bullied or being the bullies.I am glad to say that we live in a more aware world when it comes to bullying.When Anastasia was in secondary school she was being bullied and so I phoned the school and told them that I wanted the situation dealt with or I would phone the police and the situation was resolved by the end of the day.
Ariel was also being bullied about her red hair and her head teacher dealt with the situation swiftly. Ariel was on a scholarship at a fee paying Catholic Day School and the head teacher told the young man involved that if her didn't stop then he would kick him out of the school.I was impressed.
I do however think that bullying in the work place is a far greater problem and so much more difficult to deal with.I have advised my girls that the best way to deal with the situation is to get the person on their own and to tell them to leave you alone or you will have to deal with the situation officially.

MOTHER OF MANY said...

It is funny that the bullying I accepted as a child I just would not tolerate with my own children-being bullied or being the bullies.I am glad to say that we live in a more aware world when it comes to bullying.When Anastasia was in secondary school she was being bullied and so I phoned the school and told them that I wanted the situation dealt with or I would phone the police and the situation was resolved by the end of the day.
Ariel was also being bullied about her red hair and her head teacher dealt with the situation swiftly. Ariel was on a scholarship at a fee paying Catholic Day School and the head teacher told the young man involved that if her didn't stop then he would kick him out of the school.I was impressed.
I do however think that bullying in the work place is a far greater problem and so much more difficult to deal with.I have advised my girls that the best way to deal with the situation is to get the person on their own and to tell them to leave you alone or you will have to deal with the situation officially.

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