Wednesday, May 31, 2006


I had the wierdest dream last night?
I dreamt I saw Hitler in an alpine village asking the locals, 'what is it with you people and Ikea' and you know if he could communicate with us now and as daft as it might sound, it is quite possible that it is a question he might ask. Remember however that this was a way wierd dream, a cross between a Python film and a Carry On film. Just for the record, I have dreams that have a wierd way of coming true( remember the Barney video, sorry Beauty), however dear family I want you to know that this is on a par with my going to work in Darfur dream, not going to happen.Ever. I prefer to sit at home and crochet for charity, my Dercums and Darfur just would not mix. Back to the point, Ikea, as a young wife I would have loved the possibility of shopping in Ikea, my views on Ikea are the same as watching poo tv, go for it if it floats your boat. I have an Ikea day bed in my lounge as well as antique cupboards and a secondhand couch(thank you Track 2000), in the 5 year olds room are Ikea wardrobes, Ikea bookshelves and an Ikea bureau and of course a Thucka(pronounce it right guys) cot bed. In the dining room I have Ikea bookshelves, my mothers table and an Argos filing cabinet. In the kitchen an Ikea bench and in the back kitchen at the piano Beauty's old high chair which is now her piano seat. In the hall a Thucka chest of drawers and in the shower room an Ikea Billy bookcase, as the Borg would possibly have said,' assimilation is inevitable' and do I care? In the words of that great philosopher John Howell, 'to be honest and candid with you,NO'.
I love Ikea like I love poo tv.
And talking of poo tv, I am finding Big Brother unpleasent viewing, Grace,Sezer and Imogen are just not nice people. Last night I crocheted and read my emails rather than watch BB, a lot more entertaining. PETE TO WIN.
Yesterday was spent cleaning the Piano Mans house,(Piano Man now home from hospital and recovering slowly), spring cleaning continuing in the kitchen. It took me two hours to clean the kitchen tops and wash the dishes which shows how bad the situation is, and another two hours to scrub the kitchen floor and make a start on the back toilet/store room. I am also cleaning all the paint work in readiness to paint through the kitchen. Tomorrow I am taking over my Dyson to clean the carpets, Piano Mans vac is almost suctionless, then we will be ready to hire a carpet cleaner and then the fun will begin. I have come to the point where I now just throw rubbish in his house away without consultation, yesterday we were in Asda and he was looking at more rubbish to buy so I told him to WALK AWAY.His kitchen is filled with every unused gadget you can imagine down to the gadget to make a square boiled egg. I despair. With Piano Man quality is not an issue, it just has to be cheap and gimmicky. At the right price he is the kind of tourist you could sell London Bridge to. Yesterday I took Piano Man to the Doctors in my car as he is unable to drive for at least 6 weeks, Piano Man doing well but I wore my new sparkly Dorothy style ruby slippers from Asda into the surgery and I swear the locals looked at me as if I were a serial axe murderer. I am sure I would have caused less of a stir if I had shown up in Janet Jacksons stage costume and had a wardrobe malfunction.
My healthy eating is going fine and I have lost another pound(yes in weight Fiona) however increase in fluids and vegtables for me means increase in bathroom trips and I now know how a racehorse feels. If I go on holiday this year then my goal is thatI should be slimmer(and healthier of course!!!!!!!!!) however at the moment slimmer looks good. Looking at a size 8 dress yesterday in Asda, Piano Man asked me if it would fit me, my reply was,'in an alternate universe', I think this must be the same universe that men come from. I am definitely addicted to carbs, do you think there is an organisation such as Carbs Anonymous as all I seem to think of is carbs. At the moment all I seem to desire is thin, white bread toast with a small scraping of margarine and spread with brown fruity sauce(something I loved as a child}, yes I know that is wierd and no I could not possibly be pregnant. If I believed in a God or in a heaven then heaven would be a place where I could eat whatever I wanted and not have to worry about every morsel that passed my lips and of course not put on weight and I would not be afflicted with this bizarre affliction that whenever I put on weight it went straight to my stomach. I have my fathers bone structure and colouring which means I have sandy red hair and a shape like a man which means no hips or arse, I have been asked if I have a scandinavian heritage. I personally think I look like a female Russian shot putter.
Beauty is watching 100 toddler tunes for the 7,000,000th time( I know, if I have told you once I have told you a million times. do not exaggerate),ok then 6,000,000th time,and having her 'EAST IS EAST' style breakfast, biscuits.
Beauty may be quite selective with her food but she does have quite a varied selection now, her favourite foods being Jettas, fish fingers and crisps, my heart goes out to the mother of the little girl with autism who will only eat chocolate.
Ronald Reagan said,'You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans', well I personally think you may not learn a lot about Beauty's character from the way she eats anything but she is definitely my role model for someone who has no hangups about anything she eats. That is my goal( I also wouldn't mind having Beauty's beautiful frizz free hair).
Mother of Many

1 comment:

Unknown said...

oh,imagine a life without frizzy hair...




An Irish Blessing

(A Blessing from St. Patrick)
May the road rise to meet you,

May the wind be always at your back,

May the sun shine warm upon your face,

May the rains fall soft upon your fields,

And, until we meet again,

May God hold you in the hollow of His hand.