Friday, September 24, 2010


1 The rain will pour at school run time,shop assistants will say when you take something back WELL NO ONE HAS EVER COMPLAINED BEFORE and last but not least, MEN WILL LIE TO YOU!
Accept it and get over it.
They cannot help it, it is a design flaw.
If their lips are moving, there is a good chance they are lying to you.
And why do they lie?
Because we as women have let them get away with it.
So why on earth would we do something so stupid?
Because many women fear the confrontation and also possibly losing the man.
Yet why do we women turn men into the Gods that they are not?
Probably because men need to be adored to feel complete, something we mothers taught them as children and in doing so ruined them for the poor woman they end up with!
But the upside is that most men seem to be totally unaware that their women KNOW THEY ARE LYING. Unaware that we are actually ALLOWING them to do what they do
because it is easier and it keeps them happy.
But yes there is an upside......treat this species of animal considerately and they will adore you like a new puppy loves its owner.
Feed them, keep them clean and warm and very much loved and they will dote on you.....most of the time.......well a lot of the time.......or possibly only some of the time but they can be worth the effort!
Please animals were hurt in the writing of this piece and it is of course a gross generalisation and merely my own opinion!

Children will grow up and leave home and break your hearts because they are no longer sweet cuddly babies!

When my children were born they failed to read the small print which said that they had to stay a baby for always......Well apart from Beauty who will always be a baby in lots of ways.
They were not meant to go to school,be a Brownie,go to university, fall in love, get married but hey .....the grand babies will be ok when they arrive!

3 In reality, your own parents were as clueless as we were when dealing with screaming babies and child rearing,that's the was not their fault or ours.
It was meant to be that way!

Every parent had to learn to be a parent on the job, there is never any real work experience.
However, we do now have SuperNanny and all I can say is that if there had been somebody like her around when my girls were little they would not have had to deal with such a psychotic, useless mother.
SuperNanny has been my Guru for lots of Beauty's problems.
Just remember though, you are your child's expert, no one else.

4 You have a body that is uniquely yours
Sometimes it will be fatter, sometimes it will be thinner.
Sometimes you will believe you look like a Super Model(after a few drinks maybe) other times you will be convinced you look like Pat Butcher but at the end of the day you are always you and remember significant others come and go but you will always end up in bed with yourself SO LOVE YOURSELF.
Would you really want to be in bed with someone you didn't love?

5 That money will not make you happy.
I know it can make life comfortable and you will be secure but think of all those famous, wealthy celebrities who took their own lives.
It didn't mean much to them.
However, offer me a nice house with a big garden for Beauty and I would snap it up. But what can I say?
I am only human.....and honest!

6 Never let your dreams escape.
They are what make you who you are.
You may not achieve everything you want straight away but keep them polished and shiney.
I will finish my masters one day.
I will cruise the Nile.
I will tell the woman who told me I was fat that she is fatter than me!
Well.....two out of three ain't bad!

7 Sex is just Sex!
It can be wonderful and joyous and perfect!!!!!
But it can also be boring and not just a little tedious.
Do not enshrine it as the wonderment of your life.
When you one day realise that you would rather do the laundry or wash the car then you have truly arrived.
You have become a true adult and sex is in its rightful place.
And that is , that there is a time and place for it.
And sex is not love but just an expression of it.

8 You will have regrets and it is just not possible to forget all your mistakes.Just say WHAT WAS I THINKING(or not as the case maybe!) and walk away.
IT is important to have dated,lived with or married a total idiot because then you will truly appreciate the perfect person you meet and fall in love with who is not a complete idiot.
As passé as it sounds it is important to have EXPERIENCED THE BITTER TO KNOW THE SWEET.
And by experiencing these mistakes , you will learn a lot about yourself, I have.
Mostly that I have poor judgement skills when it comes to at least 50% of the men I have ever known.
The other 50% are probably just grateful that they escaped from such a crazy woman.

9 You will not be forever young and you will grow old.Now I am sorry but I was never meant to be 49 with arthritis and walk like I have a 'rod up my arse' as one of my delightsome daughters so sweetly described it.
I was never meant to be 49 going on 50.
Like everyone else I was meant to be young and beautiful(well I was never that but it is nice to dream) and always in the prime of my life.
So take care of your body as you will need it to be healthy so much more as you grow older.
You want to be one of those people in their 70's and 80's who go snow boarding and not like me with walking sticks, even if they are very attractive with stars and moons on them.

10 And last but I feel so important.
Do not take what you are told as gospel.
Just because some one says something is a truth long enough does not make it so.
Find your own way in life.
Be your own guide.
Find your own path.
Be true only to yourself and then everything you will do will be right and just.
Which means that you will seek to make yourself happy which is the only way you can make anyone else happy and make the world around you a better place.

I conclusion, these are things I have learned over the years but do I practice my own ideals all the time?
I try but fail on a daily basis but the important thing is that after you fall you get up and start is the only way.


Steve said...

I bow to your superior wisdom (and haven't the guts to argue).


like I said Steve......purely a gross generalisation.Well maybe not about children growing up to fast.




An Irish Blessing

(A Blessing from St. Patrick)
May the road rise to meet you,

May the wind be always at your back,

May the sun shine warm upon your face,

May the rains fall soft upon your fields,

And, until we meet again,

May God hold you in the hollow of His hand.