Here is my little destroying angel, after this evenings reign of destruction and just before bed.
I am awake and cannot sleep but so far I am not too concerned as I feel like I slept for three quarters of yesterday and I actually feel so much better for it.
Beauty is asleep and even though I am awake,it is not nearly as bad as HAVING to be awake.
Here is a picture of Beauty which looks as if she is ready and waiting in the starting blocks, ready for the starter`s gun to be shot so that she can burst forth into more trouble and fun.
Which usually means fun for her and trouble for me!
As I couldn`t sleep`, I decided to read one of my Creative Writing Text books and one assignment that I found was to write your own version of a famous story.It is hardly on the level of Ten Things I Hate About You but as The Three Bears is one of Beauty`s Favourites, I thought that I would have a go at re-writing that.
Each time that I tell Beauty the story it changes slightly and she seems to like that so here goes.
Goldilocks And The Three Bears.
Once upon a time there were 3 bears who lived in a nice house in a nice town and baby bear went to a nice school.
Daddy bear worked for the civil service and used his flexi-time so that Mummy bear could stay in bed in the morning whilst Daddy bear took Baby bear to school because if Daddy bear left it to Mummy bear then Baby bear would get to school without having had breakfast and Mummy bear would still be in her PJ`s.
One Saturday morning, at about 11am when Mummy bear was making the porridge for breakfast( she hadn`t long got up), Daddy bear suggested that they go for a walk whilst the porridge cooled down.
Daddy`s real motive however was not for the porridge to cool down but he hoped that if they went for a walk then there was always the possibility that the house might get broken in to and the porridge stolen as Mummy was not very good at making porridge! It usually ended up black and crunchy and smelling like toffee which Baby bear didn`t mind so much as he quite liked toffee but Daddy was different.
He went to church every Sunday and really believed that one day his prayers would be answered with regards to the porridge which was that someone would steal it or a house fairy would get lost and end up in their house and throw it in the bin!
So off they went for a walk, well they got as far as the car and Daddy bear said “ LETS GO FOR A DRIVE INSTEAD”. So they all piled in the car and that is what hey did.
And whilst they were out, guess who should come along but…..The Postman!
And then came the Gas man and finally just when the poor house thought it was going to get a moments peace, who should come along but Goldilocks.
Though why a child under the age of 10 was out wandering on her own has always been a concern to me…..did her parents know where she was or did they even care!
Anyway, back to the story.
Goldilocks knocked on the door but there was no answer and so she knocked again but there was still no answer and the third time when there was no answer she thought TO HECK WITH THIS and tried the door handle and lo and behold it was open and in she went.
I am sorry but I think that this is a case for Supernanny, this child is wandering here there and everywhere and going in other peoples houses as she pleases.
I think Goldilocks mummy needs a good slap.
On entering the house , Goldilocks found herself in the kitchen and there on the table she found 3 bowls of porridge.
And she sat down and started to eat them!
Lets see, wandering trespassing and now stealing by consumption!
Though I am sure Goldilocks didn`t see it that way.
First she tried Daddy bears porridge but that had too many black bits in it and Mummy bears bowl didn`t have much in it at all as she was on a diet but Baby bears porridge was perfect so Goldilocks ate it all up.
Feeling tired, Goldilocks decided to sit down but she thought Daddy bears chair smelt like and old dog or bear so she thought NOT A CHANCE! Then Mummy bears was not much better as it was a Kartell Louis Ghost Chair and Goldilocks thought that it looked too uncomfortable to sit on so she tried Baby bears chair which was a small wooden rocking chair which turned out to be very comfortable.
So she rocked and rocked and she rocked until she broke it and thinking Ooops! She went up stairs without a second thought.
So now we have wandering, trespass, stealing by consumption and finally vandalism!
So totally unaware of having done anything wrong(sounds like a bit of a sociopath to me) Goldilocks went upstairs and thought A LITTLE REST WOULD BE GOOD. So first of all she went to try Daddy bears bed but again it smelt of wet dog or old bear so she thought NO!
And Mummy bears bed was a water bed and again Goldilocks thought NO, I GET SEA SICK! So she took one look at Baby bears bed and thought PERFECT(nothing exciting, just a nice ordinary divan!). Jumped on and fell asleep immediately.
And whilst she was asleep who should come back but The Three Bears, Grumpy Daddy bear(they had stopped at the shop for some milk and run into Brian from work who had proceed to tell him , quoting evidence, WHY milk was not good for him!), Pj wearing Mummy Bear and very hungry Baby bear.
On seeing the door open ,Daddy thought OH YES, MY PRAYERS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED AND THE PORRIDGE HAS BEEN STOLEN but was very disappointed to see that his porridge was untouched and so was Mummy bears porridge BUT Baby bears porridge was all gone and Baby bear was very sad and not a little hungry!
And then Baby bear noticed his chair was broken and started to cry but daddy bear couldn`t understand why someone had not sat in his chair especially as it smelt so nice. And as for Mummy bear, she was just grateful that someone had not sat in her a Kartell Louis Ghost Chair and went straight away to get the polish and duster to make sure it was still clean and sparkling! So Daddy Bear
suggested that they go and check out the rest of the house which they did.
And yet again Daddy bear was surprised that nobody had tried sleeping in his sweetly smelling bed and Mummy bear was relieved that nobody had tried her water bed …..CHEEK IF THEY HAD she thought!
But Baby bear who was still crying said “SOMEONES BEEN SLEEPING IN MY BED AND THEY ARE STILL THERE“!
And they all looked to Baby bears bed and there was Goldilocks, fast asleep.
But Baby bear was not too pleased and stomped to the bed and gave Goldilocks a shove and woke her up.
Goldilocks sat up in shock and Baby bear struck a pose and shouted ”I KNOW KUNG FU“!
To which Goldilocks replied “YOU HAVE SO GOT TO BE A FEW FRIES SHORT OF A HAPPY MEAL” as she picked up Baby bear and deposited on top of the wardrobe as she jumped out of the window and ran all the way home!
AND THE MORAL OF THE STORY should be to respect the privacy and property of others but if you are a petty thief then just take what you can carry and leave because if you stay and sleep you will get caught.
And remember Goldilocks and The Three Bears is a fairy story because if you mess with the bears stuff and eat their food and sleep in their bed THEY WILL EAT YOU.
Goldilocks was LUCKY!