IT'S THE LITTLE THINGS

Well, the sun shone this morning and it seems as if the nice weather is back.
Obviously a chilly start considering the time of year but the rest of the day turned out to be nice and warm.

Back to the Hollies photograph.

Beauty is loving being back at school.

I read this recently and I copied it and put it on my mirror so I would constantly see it and reflect upon it.

The Dalai Lama's Recommendations for You

I N S T R U C T I O N S F O R L I F E

1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
2. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
3. Follow the three Rs:
Respect for self
Respect for others and
Responsibility for all your actions.
4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
6. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
7. When you realise you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
8. Spend some time alone every day.
9. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.
10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
11. Live a good, honourable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll be able to enjoy it a second time.
12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.
14. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.
15. Be gentle with the earth.
16. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.
17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
19. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon

1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

Mmmmm!
Perhaps I am getting cynical with old age but I personally wonder if any love , no matter how great, is worth the effort
Of course I am not taking about the unconditional love we have for our family, especially our children.

However, guess how old I was when I wrote this in one of my journals?

Deep is the stream
Where flows a love
That time will stop
And lie down for.
19......No, just kidding.
The answer is 49.
So do we ever lose that desire?
Probably not, we just store it away and let it collect dust because it is easier.
I think that the problem is that we find it easier to do nothing and let life pass us by.

And it is easier not to get your heart broken

So if great love requires great risk then so do great achievements.

But because we think of 'great achievements' as being something that is so unobtainable and 'surely must take a lot of effort' we fail to do anything at all.

I truly believe my greatest achievements in life have nothing to do with any qualifications I may have acquired or any professional distinction I may have achieved.I believe my achievements lie in the ordinary but even the ordinary is not easy but takes super human effort at times.

In the book the Bell family by Noel Streatfeild, Ginnie the daughter of a vicar in the East End of London comes to realise that life is not about performing heroic deeds but about the small achievements that we make daily.

Personally, when I think about great love and great achievements I think of the following poem

Ithaka by Constantine P. Cavafy

As you set out for Ithaka
hope your road is a long one,
full of adventure, full of discovery.
Laistrygonians, Cyclops,
angry Poseidon-don't be afraid of them:
you'll never find things like that on your way
as long as you keep your thoughts raised high,
as long as a rare excitement
stirs your spirit and your body.
Laistrygonians, Cyclops,
wild Poseidon-you won't encounter them
unless you bring them along inside your soul,
unless your soul sets them up in front of you.

Hope your road is a long one.
May there be many summer mornings when,
with what pleasure, what joy,
you enter harbors you're seeing for the first time;
may you stop at Phoenician trading stations
to buy fine things,
mother of pearl and coral, amber and ebony,
sensual perfume of every kind-
as many sensual perfumes as you can;
and may you visit many Egyptian cities
to learn and go on learning from their scholars.

Keep Ithaka always in your mind.
Arriving there is what you're destined for.
But don't hurry the journey at all.
Better if it lasts for years,
so you're old by the time you reach the island,
wealthy with all you've gained on the way,
not expecting Ithaka to make you rich.
Ithaka gave you the marvelous journey.
Without her you wouldn't have set out.
She has nothing left to give you now.

And if you find her poor, Ithaka won't have fooled you.
Wise as you will have become, so full of experience,
you'll have understood by then what these Ithakas mean

The destination of the journey is Ithaka. Ithaka is the island off the western coast of Greece to which Odysseus returned after the Trojan war. Odysseus’s journey was a long and difficult one. It was ten years before he was able to rejoin his wife Penelope in Ithaka. However, Ithaka in this poem can also be understood as the destination of any journey, and it can be further understood metaphorically as a journey through life.

Is there no greater love than this or no greater achievements?

I think perhaps there is.

The mother who leaves the house at 5am to do a second cleaning job just to pay for food everyday before her fulltime job.

The carerer/nurse who washes patients day in day out and changes their soiled bed linen.

The man who cleans the streets.

The teacher who spends hours teaching children to read and write.

The day in day out essential jobs that others don't always give true recognition to.

My special recognition goes to the RAC man who came out when my tyre exploded in the Civic Centre.He spent the entire time he fixed the car talking and stimming with Beauty.A sight to behold indeed, a 6 foot plus large built guy bouncing up and down stimming next to Beauty!

It seems his son is also AUTISTIC.

My belief is that there is greatness in the little things.
The only true greatness.

ANOTHER CHAPTER CLOSES.

Yesterday it was Beauty who was awake at 3.30am who couldn't sleep and today it is me.

I have a nasty little sucker of a headache and I am afraid it might be of the 'only a good puke will relieve this' kind of headache!

I was meant to got to University with regards to my dissertation yesterday evening but puking over a tutor is NEVER a good idea!

However, what I did manage to do was take Fiona to University and install her in her new halls of residence Tŷ Pont Haearn.

Fiona is about to start a degree in Fashion at The Atrium in Cardiff.

It was oddly moving in a way that it hadn't been with any of her sisters when I took Fiona to University.

When I took Anastasia I was very pregnant with Beauty and that had been quite emotional but in a different way.Anastasia had worked the summer as an au pair in Cornwall and the first empty nesting pains had happened then, so by the time she went to the University of Bath she was really looking forward to it.
Definitely no leaving home for the first time tears!

Belle was confident and bubbly about her going to uni and HEY......it was in Swansea!

Well known territory.

Snowhite was and is a Boomerang child and will never be too far from home for too long.As she did a foundation year in Art at UWIC she did not leave home and then in her first year she went into a privately rented house.
Totally different ball game.
And when Snowhite started her second degree!!!!!!!.......well she knew the University of Newport quite well because she had studied in the library whist doing her A levels when I had done my Masters degree.

Ariel, well what can I say?
Ariel had spent lots of time away from home due to school trips, Army Cadet trips and Language School in Geneva one summer and she went into fully-catered Holland Hall at Exeter University so it felt like one more adventure and she was thrilled to be there.

But Fiona, whilst she would not think it was any different , for me it is
Fiona was my baby for 9 years until Beauty was born after I married again.She will always be her Dad's baby of course!!!!
Fiona at 19 seems oddly grown up compared to the other girls I saw moving in and at 19 she is 'oddly' more mature than her sister Ariel!
Ariel admits this herself.

I write snatches of thought, sometimes poetry, all the time, in little notebooks scattered around my life.
I wrote this whilst Fiona was moving her things into her university residence.

My baby leaves home
not for foreign climes
another chapter closes
we have done this five times.

And as for Beauty.... who knows what course her life will take!
Perhaps that is why it feels so different!
Here I am with Beauty who is profoundly autistic and I have no way of knowing what the future will bring for her.
Beauty received a provisional diagnosis at an exceptionally early age,
she was 9 months old and she received a full diagnosis from Professor Fraser when she was approximately 22 months.
And the worst bit for me was the fact that I didn't even notice that she had a problem of any kind.
She was referred to the consultant by a doctor who had noticed problems when she failed her hearing tests a number of times.
My beautiful, lovely girl had problems and I had not noticed a thing.
She was 9 months old and I was a nurse and the mother of 5 normally developing girls and had not noticed a thing.
A few of days ago it all came to a head when I took Beauty to run in the Cardiff 2K.Many people, adults and children were staring at her because she was different and it really upset me.
I wrote this the following day.

Winter came early that year
No autumn winds
Blew the last
Smells of summer
Across lawns dancing
With golden lights on
Gluttering leaves.
And no Indian summer
Sun shone it's last
Rays of sunshine
On little children
Playing in the dried
Grass of the last
Lawn cuts of summer.
But only cold winds blew
And rains fell,
And bleakness
Was all around
And it encompassed me.
AJWH

The last 9 years have been a journey of discovery for me.
A spiritual journey to find my own answers and my own way.
I am a more spiritual person than I was when I joined the church 34 years ago yet I still do not have the answers.
Though I would confess to my life experiences having made me a deeper, more spiritual person(not religious though!!!) .
But hey...who isn't going to become more inwardly reflective when you lose a baby and then you are widowed and lose both your parents within 18 months.
I would love to believe in a God and a next life and being with my family in an eternal heaven but my mind says NO and will just not let me believe it.
So my only other option is to be true to myself and live a life the best I can and hope that if there turns out to be a God then he will be a kind God who will say to me that even though I did not live a life worshipping him,I still lived a good life.
And for that I will be blessed.
In the book The Last Battle by C S Lewis , Lewis writes at the end of the story

'Aslan appears, and as they watch at the stable door, all of the people and animals, including those who had previously died, gather outside the barn and are judged by Aslan. Those who have been loyal to Aslan or the morality upheld by Narnians join Aslan in Aslan's Country.'

And there is a Calormen soldier who is also blessed but he does not understand why Aslan blesses him because as he declares he has worshipped Tash all his days.

However, Aslan explains that whilst he served another , he led a good life and it was as if he served him and so he would be blessed.

So that is my hope,if there is a God then he will be equally as kind.

FOOD GLORIOUS FOOD!

Growing up in the 60's it would be fair to say that that being hungry quite frequently was a significant part of the memories that I have.
I loved food but I never was able to get quite enough of it and until I was 25 I looked as if I was anorexic.
My bones literally stuck out and the bones of my spine were very pronounced. But boy did I eat from the time that I was living on my own but it was mostly my beloved friends.....CARBS!
I remember a professional explaining to me the theory of famine and feast that occurred in families with limited income(and I know she could be reading this and I want to thank her for enlightening me).
Before I go on however, I would say that the situation has changed somewhat due to the availability of cheaper foods.
But what I was told was that small children have little choice and grow up eating what they are given and that can be very small amounts so they are constantly hungry.
However, the situation changes as they grow older and became more vocal and have a voice of their own.Then they demand food and they go from undernourished children to over-fed teens and obese adults.
I know that I definitely went through that and my body still has not come to terms with finding a healthy, stable weight.

Last night I watched a report on Humanae Vitae

Humanae Vitae (Latin "Of Human Life") is an encyclical written by Pope Paul VI and promulgated on July 25, 1968. Subtitled "On the Regulation of Birth", it re-affirms the traditional teaching of the Catholic Church regarding abortion, contraception, and other issues pertaining to human life.
Mainly because of its prohibition of all forms of artificial contraception, the encyclical has been controversial.


that was presented by activist Peter Tatchell
and it discussed as part of the presentation the situation of Catholic families in the Philippines and it case studied a woman called Vilma who had 9 living children(2 had died)and she was pregnant again and they lived in poverty and squalor.
The church and local Bishops and priests had told them they were not allowed to limit their families through artificial means because it would be a sin to do so.
They lived in abject poverty in a slum area and they earned their living by scavenging through the local dump for plastic and they earned barely enough money for the family to survive. Their diet appeared to be mostly rice.
Even though there was rice coming into the family the mother stated that there were often times when there was not enough for her to eat .
This is one thing I remember about my own mother, there were times when she did not eat and I dedicate my writing today to her.
Going back to Peter Tatchel's presentation however, I want my family who are equally split between the membership in the Catholic Church and the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints that my words here are purely personal and NOT a reflection upon you as individuals.
I totally , 100% believe that a religious doctrine(or dogma) that condemns the use of condoms to prevent sexually transmitted diseases and prevent pregnancy is wrong. Even though the following statement will make me sound like a hypocrite, I also believe that abortion should be freely available and the woman be allowed control over her own body and make her own choices.
It is not for me to make or influence her choices.
I have personally given birth 7 times and would NEVER have considered an abortion and even if I had been told of Beauty's condition prior to birth, I still would not have considered an abortion.
Beauty is my happiest ,most care free child and so far she has had a wonderfully loving life.
But these are my choices, I would never impose them on anyone else.
From the time my girls were able to understand, I have told them that if they got pregnant, no matter how young they were or whatever the situation, to tell me and I would be happy and totally support them with their choice.
Obviously they knew my own choice would be to keep the child, they still knew that I would support what they chose.
I do not believe that we should blindly accept that is right for children to be born into squalor and poverty and to die in pain and suffering.








Now I am sure that the official organisation that is the Catholic church would say that my beliefs are wrong and are a sin but I do not understand how they can be.
They are truly what I believe and I cannot make myself believe any other way but yet GOD created me this way so surely what I believe must be right and true, logically it cannot be any other way.
I also believe that when a human is born their sexuality is who they are, they do not decide to become gay and so they are not 'sinners'.
I personally cannot believe that the situation in developing countries , where religion makes choices for the people that poverty, hunger, pain, inequality and suffering is right.
My mind will not let me think any other way.
Therefore, if there is a God and there is a heaven, then all I will be able to say if there is a judgement day

I DID WHAT I THOUGHT WAS RIGHT

To carry on , no longer on global inequalities but on a more personal level,Beauty has a Selective Eating Disorder.

Selective Eating Disorder (SED) (also known as picky or fussy eating, or perseverative feeding disorder) is an eating disorder that prevents the consumption of certain foods. It is often viewed as a phase of childhood that is generally overcome with age. Children may not grow out of being a picky eater, however, and may continue to be afflicted with SED throughout their adult lives
SED is common in young people with autistic spectrum disorders

Beauty has made her own choices as far as food is concerned and has only a limited range of what she will eat and most of them are a GOLDEN COLOUR which seems to define what she will or will not eat.

She is a tall girl but she is regularly seen and weighed by a consultant who says her height and weight are within normal limits but I do still worry especially due to her hypermobilty and the hypermobility and arthritis that I have.I also worry because I am large person and am predisposed to putting on weight which is obviously not good for someone with the health problems that I have.Because of this,I am constantly worried about what she eats and the exercise that she gets.In one way her hyperactivity is a good thing because I think it gets rid of a lot of excess calories during the day and helps to keep her fit!I am therefore very interested in any programs I can watch on TV about children and healthy eating and last night and I watched Jamie Oliver's new program .

ABC Television Network - "Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution"
Jamie Oliver is here to start a revolution. The impassioned chef, TV personality and best-selling author is determined to take on the high statistics of obesity, heart disease and diabetes in this country, where our nation's children are the first generation not expected to live as long as their parents. Jamie is inviting viewers to take a stand and change the way America eats, in our home kitchens, schools and workplaces, with the thought-provoking new series, "Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution,"






And from the outset I was embarrassed and I could understand why the locals were asking

WHY ARE YOU HERE?

I have to admit though that I would have been tempted to tell him to bog off and put his own house in order(the UK)if I had been one of the cooks.
Jamies first issue was with the children eating pizza for breakfast.
Now I personally think that Jamie got too hung up on the fact that he had never seen pizza for breakfast.Whenever I have seen Gillian McKeith's program I have always felt that her biggest problem was failing to engage the children. Don't give them slop for breakfast....give them what they like.
Pizza can be good, it just needs to be produced as a healthy option.
Less fat,less preservatives and generally less of all the other rubbish it can contain but YES it can be good.I feel he should have focussed on what the children wanted.
My purpose here in discussing Jamie's program is that I feel you cannot judge a whole community,town, city, country from one point of view .I believe that the problems with healthy eating are different for everyone and I believe that real change can only come from central government initiatives.
Standards should be set and maintained regarding food to ensure that only good, safe, healthy food is entering the market and healthy eating taught from an early age for everyone and more exercise promoted.No this is not a magic wand solution, it never can be as we as humans should have our own free agency to decide about our own lives.

And from this......what am I saying?

Well there appears to be a lot of different things discussed here but I feel they are all saying and I want to reiterate what they are saying and that is

ENDOW US WITH DIGNITY

IT IS OUR RIGHT

FIRST RACE!

Yesterday was Beauty's first race.
She ran a 2k for Kidney Research around the Cardiff Civic centre and she had an amazing time.























I however was the one who was not so happy.
People just do not seem to understand that it is rude to stare and adults are the worst.
Children are not so bad but even they can be a pain when they follow you just to stare.
The ones who cause me most pain are the ones pushing babies who for all intents and purposes look perfect.I am grateful that their babies are perfect but when they stare too long I just want to stop these people and ask why they are staring.
What a lot of parents of small children do not realise is that YES YOUR CHILD MAY SEEM PERFECT NOW BUT THEY COULD TURN OUT TO BE JUST LIKE MY CHILD!
But I don't and I say to myself MUST TRY HARDER.




















The giveaway sign that Beauty is different.....her stimming.



When I read this story in May, I felt shock and anger that this mother got to the stage where she felt there were no other alternatives for her AND HER CHILD!
In one article, I read that she found great difficulty dealing with the way other people stared and the way her son was treated by others when she was out.
And I wanted to say I KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL.
But I must clarify here and now that what she did is not anything I could EVER contemplate.
I want more than anything to believe in God but I CANNOT MAKE IT SO and that makes me really sad but what it does mean is that I do not believe in an after life (another thing I would like to be true but can't make myself believe)and so I believe you have just one life that you should enjoy as long and as best you can.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2010/may/17/murder-of-boy-11-mother-charged
Mother charged with murder of disabled son, 11South Wales police say child may have died 48 hours before body was discovered
(5)Tweet this (5)Vikram Dodd guardian.co.uk, Monday 17 May 2010 20.16 BST Article historyA mother was today charged with the murder of her 11-year-old disabled son who was found dead in a hotel room.

Police say they believe the child may have died up to 48 hours before his body was discovered. It is reported the child had severe autism, and that his mother was found sitting with his body.

South Wales police named the boy as Glen Freaney from the Penarth area in the Vale of Glamorgan.

His mother, Yvonne Freaney, 48, was arrested after her son was found dead at the Sky Plaza hotel near Cardiff airport on Saturday, after friends and relatives raised concerns about the child's safety


I read this story and just wish there had been someone there for her at that last moment when she felt that there was no one else she could turn to.

ON BEING MARTHA.

Being the old fashioned,traditional busy body that I am, one of things that I noticed in the USA when we visited last summer was the use of tumble dryers.
Whilst I have one, I try never to use mine but the family we stayed with seemed to use theirs constantly and it seemed to be that it was not because they were lazy in any way, it just seemed that this was the cultural norm.
There are a number of reasons why I do not use my dryer and
the main reason has to be because it is GREEN.
However, scratch the surface and I would be the first to admit that I do it because I am MEAN rather than GREEN!
Hey, I would rather waste my money on what I want to waste my money on that line the pockets of power companies with their fat bonuses and profits.
Living in green and beautiful Wales does not make eco living that easy because one of the main reasons that Wales is so green is because of the RAIN.
BUT since making a decision to be more eco-friendly with regards to my laundry, I have more than halved my electricity usage which means more money for me and less for the electricity company.
Wherever possible, I put my laundry outside on the washing line to dry and even in winter, if it isn't raining then the washing goes on the line


















I found that being a visitor in another persons house very difficult because I did not want to use the tumble dryer because I knew how much money it was costing and they thought it was strange that I did not want to use the tumble dryer.

I also wanted to do everything myself , washing, cleaning and cooking so I would not be an added burden and to show my gratitude at their hospitality.

I also try not to use the tumble dryer because over time it damages clothes.





















This is the lint taken from the lint trap in my tumble dryer.
When I used to dry daily, this was the amount that I would take from the lint trap daily.
This amount is from weeks of 5 minute dryings.
Now that cannot be good for your clothes.

Not using a tumble dryer is something that takes organisation and once you get into the routine of it then it isno more hard work than using a tumble dryer except you save money on electricity and your clothes last longer!

If it is not raining then the clothes go on the washing line in the back garden but if it rains then they go on the dryer in the shower room.


























It was difficult to photograph this room but beyond the dryer where the toilet and shower is it is quite spacious.


I usuall finish off the clothes on the iron cycle in the tumble dryer for 5 minutes and then most things do not need ironing.....which of course I love!
But then of course there is over the door drying.
This is usually reserved for throws.
All my sofas etc are covered in throws because Beauty is a mucky pup and these have to be washed weekly.....even in winter.
Hence the need for doors!


























They also take 5 minutes in the dryer but usually these have dried overnight so very little time needed there.

I also hang dry things from doors(who doesn't?)

SOAKING!
I ALWAYS seem to have something soaking of Beauty's in the kitchen
Laundry is my LIFE!

I am a proper MRS RUGGLES!




















Talking of mucky pups(we were I promise!), APRONS or a pinny as we call them.

A 'must have' Beauty otherwise I just would not get the washing clean and it also saves so much washing.
























Routine has definitely been the answer when it comes to laundry in my house.

I have a designated ironing corner and thankfully I have enough room to keep the ironing board up all the time so it is always ready to use.




















And close by is the ironing basket which is affectionately called the Magic Porridge Pot because it is ALWAYS full.
I don't think people realise how much physical work it takes to keep one 9 year old clean and tidy!

























Then next to the ironing is a wardrobe.
YES, I have a wardrobe downstairs and it is a life saver.
With the spinal arthritis that I have it has become increasingly painful to be going up and downstairs so the majority of Beauty and my clothes I keep upstairs but our everyday clothes I keep in a wardrobe in the back kitchen and it is wonderful to be able to iron our clothes and put them straight away.It is also wonderful when you have such a messy child to be able to have
instant access to clean clothes.
























That's right, as you can see from the picture ,I have a wardrobe next to my freezer in the kitchen!!!!!!


However,some things have to be put away upsairs and this is where it is stored until I go upstairs next.
On a table in the hall.

I know that a lot of people who read this will think OH IT IS QUICKER IN THE TUMBLE DRYER but I can honestly say from experience that it really isn't and I certainly find that this method produces a lot less ironing.

Having Beauty, who has a sincere desire to be dirty all the time, the biggest problem I find with laundry is the constant nature of it.

I wonder how my ancestors would have coped with Beauty.

On a bad day , the washing machine is going constantly and I only use a short eco-wash!

I would like to write more BUT the 9 year old is out of bed and insisting on checking out The Sesame Street site on the computer!

THE THREE BEARS

Here is my little destroying angel, after this evenings reign of destruction and just before bed.


















I am awake and cannot sleep but so far I am not too concerned as I feel like I slept for three quarters of yesterday and I actually feel so much better for it.

Beauty is asleep and even though I am awake,it is not nearly as bad as HAVING to be awake.






















Here is a picture of Beauty which looks as if she is ready and waiting in the starting blocks, ready for the starter`s gun to be shot so that she can burst forth into more trouble and fun.



Which usually means fun for her and trouble for me!

As I couldn`t sleep`, I decided to read one of my Creative Writing Text books and one assignment that I found was to write your own version of a famous story.It is hardly on the level of Ten Things I Hate About You but as The Three Bears is one of Beauty`s Favourites, I thought that I would have a go at re-writing that.
Each time that I tell Beauty the story it changes slightly and she seems to like that so here goes.

Goldilocks And The Three Bears.

Once upon a time there were 3 bears who lived in a nice house in a nice town and baby bear went to a nice school.
Daddy bear worked for the civil service and used his flexi-time so that Mummy bear could stay in bed in the morning whilst Daddy bear took Baby bear to school because if Daddy bear left it to Mummy bear then Baby bear would get to school without having had breakfast and Mummy bear would still be in her PJ`s.
One Saturday morning, at about 11am when Mummy bear was making the porridge for breakfast( she hadn`t long got up), Daddy bear suggested that they go for a walk whilst the porridge cooled down.
Daddy`s real motive however was not for the porridge to cool down but he hoped that if they went for a walk then there was always the possibility that the house might get broken in to and the porridge stolen as Mummy was not very good at making porridge! It usually ended up black and crunchy and smelling like toffee which Baby bear didn`t mind so much as he quite liked toffee but Daddy was different.
He went to church every Sunday and really believed that one day his prayers would be answered with regards to the porridge which was that someone would steal it or a house fairy would get lost and end up in their house and throw it in the bin!
So off they went for a walk, well they got as far as the car and Daddy bear said “ LETS GO FOR A DRIVE INSTEAD”. So they all piled in the car and that is what hey did.
And whilst they were out, guess who should come along but…..The Postman!
And then came the Gas man and finally just when the poor house thought it was going to get a moments peace, who should come along but Goldilocks.
Though why a child under the age of 10 was out wandering on her own has always been a concern to me…..did her parents know where she was or did they even care!
Mmmm…..worrying!
Anyway, back to the story.
Goldilocks knocked on the door but there was no answer and so she knocked again but there was still no answer and the third time when there was no answer she thought TO HECK WITH THIS and tried the door handle and lo and behold it was open and in she went.
I am sorry but I think that this is a case for Supernanny, this child is wandering here there and everywhere and going in other peoples houses as she pleases.
I think Goldilocks mummy needs a good slap.
On entering the house , Goldilocks found herself in the kitchen and there on the table she found 3 bowls of porridge.
And she sat down and started to eat them!
Lets see, wandering trespassing and now stealing by consumption!
Though I am sure Goldilocks didn`t see it that way.
First she tried Daddy bears porridge but that had too many black bits in it and Mummy bears bowl didn`t have much in it at all as she was on a diet but Baby bears porridge was perfect so Goldilocks ate it all up.
Feeling tired, Goldilocks decided to sit down but she thought Daddy bears chair smelt like and old dog or bear so she thought NOT A CHANCE! Then Mummy bears was not much better as it was a Kartell Louis Ghost Chair and Goldilocks thought that it looked too uncomfortable to sit on so she tried Baby bears chair which was a small wooden rocking chair which turned out to be very comfortable.
So she rocked and rocked and she rocked until she broke it and thinking Ooops! She went up stairs without a second thought.
So now we have wandering, trespass, stealing by consumption and finally vandalism!
So totally unaware of having done anything wrong(sounds like a bit of a sociopath to me) Goldilocks went upstairs and thought A LITTLE REST WOULD BE GOOD. So first of all she went to try Daddy bears bed but again it smelt of wet dog or old bear so she thought NO!
And Mummy bears bed was a water bed and again Goldilocks thought NO, I GET SEA SICK! So she took one look at Baby bears bed and thought PERFECT(nothing exciting, just a nice ordinary divan!). Jumped on and fell asleep immediately.
And whilst she was asleep who should come back but The Three Bears, Grumpy Daddy bear(they had stopped at the shop for some milk and run into Brian from work who had proceed to tell him , quoting evidence, WHY milk was not good for him!), Pj wearing Mummy Bear and very hungry Baby bear.
On seeing the door open ,Daddy thought OH YES, MY PRAYERS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED AND THE PORRIDGE HAS BEEN STOLEN but was very disappointed to see that his porridge was untouched and so was Mummy bears porridge BUT Baby bears porridge was all gone and Baby bear was very sad and not a little hungry!
And then Baby bear noticed his chair was broken and started to cry but daddy bear couldn`t understand why someone had not sat in his chair especially as it smelt so nice. And as for Mummy bear, she was just grateful that someone had not sat in her a Kartell Louis Ghost Chair and went straight away to get the polish and duster to make sure it was still clean and sparkling! So Daddy Bear
suggested that they go and check out the rest of the house which they did.
And yet again Daddy bear was surprised that nobody had tried sleeping in his sweetly smelling bed and Mummy bear was relieved that nobody had tried her water bed …..CHEEK IF THEY HAD she thought!
But Baby bear who was still crying said “SOMEONES BEEN SLEEPING IN MY BED AND THEY ARE STILL THERE“!
And they all looked to Baby bears bed and there was Goldilocks, fast asleep.
But Baby bear was not too pleased and stomped to the bed and gave Goldilocks a shove and woke her up.
Goldilocks sat up in shock and Baby bear struck a pose and shouted ”I KNOW KUNG FU“!
To which Goldilocks replied “YOU HAVE SO GOT TO BE A FEW FRIES SHORT OF A HAPPY MEAL” as she picked up Baby bear and deposited on top of the wardrobe as she jumped out of the window and ran all the way home!

AND THE MORAL OF THE STORY should be to respect the privacy and property of others but if you are a petty thief then just take what you can carry and leave because if you stay and sleep you will get caught.
And remember Goldilocks and The Three Bears is a fairy story because if you mess with the bears stuff and eat their food and sleep in their bed THEY WILL EAT YOU.
Goldilocks was LUCKY!

THE END

THE TABLE IN MY KITCHEN

Lack of inspiration is usually the reason that I do not write but today I got out my writing textbooks and looked for some ideas.






















I found an assignment which suggested writing about the things on my kitchen table.




The result.































The table in my kitchen

Is filled with many things,

With things as large as bread machines

And others as small as rings.

I have a magnifying mirror

To make up my pretty (!) face,

First thing in the morning

When I feel I`ve just run a very long race.

A marrow and a record player

A sock and phone and lid,

Books and bowls and table cloth

And washing that I did.

A spoon, a tea towel, chopping board and pencil

And a rubber for my mistakes,

An empty ready meal packet

And a tin suitable for cakes.

In conclusion as I`m quickly

Running out of the space I`ve got

Are all my acquisitions necessary?

Definitely.....Possibly.....Maybe Not!







It may not be wonderful poetry but it will go in my journal as a snap shot in time!

EAT,DRINK AND BE MERRY.

I am awake!
But the hyperactive 9 year old is not and so I have access to the computer without fear of a full frontal assault or my toes being tickled!
Beauty`s sleep routine has been like living with a baby in the house for the last 9 years.I am getting just a little tired of this and sadly I know that not even Supernanny could handle this because Beauty just cannot rationalise.
















Talking of Supernanny.....I can hardly say it is my favourite TV show but I can say I am mesmerised by it when it comes on TV.
Many times when I watch the show I cannot believe it is actually real.
Surely parents do not behave that badly?
One program I was convinced was not about the children but about mummy getting on TV.
Each time we saw mummy she had a different outfit on and her makeup and hair was perfect.
OH and the boobs definitely came out of a packet!
One comment about this show on The Supernanny website that I found quite funny was `the tag line of the show was Mummy loses control of her 3 boys, heck she would lose control of the daddy if it weren`t for the boobs!`
When they were growing up,my girls were definitely angels in comparison.

Feeding is definitely a thing that I have gained an insight into from watching Supernanny.
One thing she did say however that I do not agree with is that there isn`t any reason why a child shouldn`t eat everything .Beauty has a Selective eating disorder and whilst her eating is not too selective,there are definitely things she will not eat.
Beauty will eat bread, ham, pizza ,toast,chicken nuggets and pop corn, fish,crisps, yoghurt , breakfast cereal,yorkshire puddings, chicken,tomato sauce, raw cabbage and carrots whenever you put them in front of her but she will not eat fruit or any other vegetables.
All the food she eats is because she has seen them and decided that she wants to eat them.
My problem has been that she eats because she is bored.
I have tried her with other foods many times but she just doesn`t want to know.
Another problem has been that when she starts to wander around the house ,I ask her what she wants and she will always reply with some kind of food.
She now seems to be eating constantly so now when she starts to wander I ask her where she is going and the answer is usually not food.
Plus I am now hiding crisps and when she asks for them I always say that they are ALL GONE and offer her Petit Filous or carrots or ham instead which she always accepts.












Thank goodness the only drink she likes is a no added sugar drink and she will not eat sweets which can`t be bad.
Imagine.....a 9 year old who will not eat sweets!
Beauty was in school one day making sandwiches for a birthday tea for one of the boys and they were making ham sandwiches and she just decided there and then that she LIKED ham.This has been a blessing because now whe can go out and I can make her ham sanwiches to take.
Though it has never been too much of a problem having food when we were out as there is a MacDonalds EVERYWHERE and she will always eat the chicken nuggets and tomatoe sauce!
And as for the Pizza Hut Pizza Buffet, she will eat twice as much as any adult.
Thank goodness though that her eating issues extend to not eating the bread part of the pizza or she would be the size of a house by now.





















However, if all else fails and there is nothing else available, the disgusting child has her own buffet on tap!

"DON`T AMOUNT TO A HILL OF BEANS IN THIS CRAZY WORLD"

Is autism to blame for Beauty getting up so early in the morning?
Many might blame her sleeping patterns on autism , which have never been that brilliant but I think it is just to do with the light mornings.
Everyone has given me their suggestions , from other parents of children on the spectrum, to teachers,to speech therapists , to every `other` kind of specialist.
I however think it is not to do with her autism but her developmental delays in the sense that in many ways she is like a normally developing 9 year old and in other ways she is just like a toddler.
In this way I think she is just like a toddler.
It is light,she sees the light and then wants to get up.
She has been on every medication you can think of to try and stabilise her sleep patterns but nothing seems to work consistently so I stopped the medication.
Many might think that I should take the medication and be grateful but I really do not want Beauty on medication forever.
OK, they may say the medication is fine now and has no side effects but who really knows?
In 20 years time when she develops some illness linked to the medication, what will the Doctors say then, Oh Sorry, We were told it was OK.
I have been considering painting the glass in her bedroom windows black so she cannot see the dawn.
I know it sounds a bit drastic but she only sleeps in the room so she doesn`t need the light to play in there.
When I suggest this to people they say
`OH Why don`t you use blackout blinds ` ,
I say `You do not know Beauty. She has no sense of danger`.

Monday, 15 February 2010
Two Staffordshire children killed by blind cords

Harrison Joyce's father is campaigning for a ban on looped blind cords
Two children from Staffordshire have been killed in separate incidents by cords attached to blinds.
Sixteen-month-old Lillian Bagnall-Lambe, from Stafford, died on Tuesday after becoming entangled.
Her death follows that of Harrison Joyce, three, who died at his home in Lichfield on 4 February.
Staffordshire Police and the county coroner have issued advice following the deaths, warning parents to be aware of the dangers of dangling cords

So I think that my plan of action is to paint the window black before the summer holidays and see if that works!

And I am sure you are wondering, with all this talk of sleep, why I am not sleeping soundly in my bed!
Well, as usual it is a pain in the b.....ack thing and my back appears to have a voice of its own at the moment and it seems to be screaming in agony.

Definitely painkiller time!

Margo McCaffery is a registered nurse and pioneer of the field of pain management nursing. McCaffery's oft-quoted definition of pain as "whatever the experiencing person says it is, existing whenever and wherever the person say it does" has become the prevailing conceptualisation of pain for clinicians over the past few decades.
I love this quote!
Easy to remember and it can ALWAYS be used in any nursing essay.
I used it in 3 different essays in my nursing final exams.
YET.....if this is the case , why do I and others like me, who are in severe pain, feel as if we are not believed when we say we are in pain?
My opinion is because of the type of funding of the health care that is provided in the UK.
Other countries think that we have Free Health Care for all but that is not true.
When you work , you make contributions that pay for your health care and those who are unable to work have their health care paid for by the state.
Before Beauty was born, the condition of my spine deteriorated rapidly and I was unable to work.
Remember, I had worked as a nurse for the NHS and paid my health care contributions.
So I was entitled to Health Care even though I couldn`t work.
But it is also obvious that there is only a certain amount of money in the Health Care pot and in some circumstances(well most really), the patients suffering most, get treated first and I can see and appreciate this.
Yet, I have spent the last 3 days in bed in agony and today I received a letter from the NHS saying that I had been referred but I was on a waiting list and the patients with the most problems would be seen first.
OK but I am in agony now and I have `severe `(now how many NHS doctors do you know that commit to using the word severe,it must be bad!) arthritis in my spine and disc damage.
So if I could afford to pay, I would be seen now but because I can`t afford it, I must wait.
Plus, before I had the x rays done,I felt as if even with my GP, my level of pain wasn`t appreciated because it couldn`t be seen.
Yet the GP sees an x ray of crunchy,crumbly bones and they can appreciate that the situation is`severe`.
I personally feel sorry for the GP`s.
They have a patient in a lot of pain, they can say THIS IS THE PROBLEM, refer them and know that it is still going to be quite a while before the patient is seen by a consultant.

So,McCaffery's oft-quoted definition of pain as "whatever the experiencing person says it is, "
"don’t amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world”.

‘Ah, Mrs Plankhurst, come in and tell me, did the yoga I recommended help to ease your back pain?’

CLOUD MEMORIES

The day wakes,

Soft and smudged and empty.

Waiting,

To be lived

And loved

And to be filled,

With the happiness of happenings.

That will leave a stain

In my heart,

That will still be there

When I look back

Thirty years from now.

And remember,

How I loved you,

When I was

Still young

And the world was new.....

To me.

THE MOST BORING BOOK EVER!

The weather forecast said it was going to be cooler today but I guess the weather man lied! Well at least it hasn`t been as hot as parts of the USA where they are having a heatwave but for somebody with very fair skin and red hair IT IS TOO HOT!



For however long it has been since I wrote properly on my blog, it has not been a time of inactivity. I have probably written more in these last few months than I have in my entire lifetime.
I have been writing a journal and I call it my Phd in Hind Sight.My journal is not just about my life but everything I have been reading and how I feel about the books.I have also started another book but this is just about memories from growing up.
My girls have suggested that I write about some of the things that have happened in my life and write a book but my answer was NOT A CHANCE!
And the main reason is that I hate Mis Lit and after reading Angela`s Ashes I swore I would never read another Mis Lit book and I haven`t.I hated the story in Angela`s Ashes about Angela`s baby girl that died, it upset me so much that I said NEVER AGAIN!


But going back to writing a blog entry is really difficult after writing a journal because journal entries can be so much more personal and you write in a journal about really private things that you would not dream of sharing with the world.
Plus I had forgotten how fast it is to write on the computer compared to writing my journal by hand. I really enjoy writing by hand and I write with gel pens as they give a `similar`effect to writing with an ink pen.Perhaps I shall try an ink pen as well!
Whenever I think of writing with an ink pen I think of Winston Smith in 1984 and his journal writing experiences.

However ,I have to confess that my writings are not those of a literary genius and the stories in my life are probably not exciting or even interesting!
At the moment I am reading Mein Kamf and I have to admit that I irreverently call it My Whitterrings!
I really do believe that it even surpasses Midnight`s Children as being the MOST BORING BOOK .....EVER!
I am about three quarters of the way through and it has become like wading through molasses to try and read!Not only is it downright boring but you can only take reading so much irrational , racially abusive bull-shit.
I truly understand why even many of Hitler`s inner circle say they tried to read it but couldn`t get through it!It has to be one of the most depressing pieces of writing I have ever encountered.
Perhaps I do not want to write a book because somebody else might say that my book is the MOST BORING BOOK.....EVER!

I KNOW I DIDN`T GET ASKED BUT.....

Some random thoughts about me and my random thoughts!

1. God gives you a free ticket to spend the night with absolutely anybody in the world and the entirety of history – whom do you choose?

Well.....considering I do not believe in God, my first reaction would be to pass out at the shock that God exists and he has actually spoken to me!
But a choice of actually anybody?
Hitler, to ask him WHY and IS HE SORRY and I would rather meet him in the day!

2. Frankie Howard or Frankie Boyle? (This is a separate question and is not related to no. 1 above.)
Mmmm.....neither really so perhaps I`d just go for Frankie and Benny's.

3. What life skill or ability do you wish you possessed?

The ability to play the piano.
However, I have quite pronounced Clinodactyly and have tried to learn many times but my fingers just will not stretch far enough.

4. If it takes Johnny three hours to fill a bath with water using a colander and a train travelling at 90mph takes 2 hours to reach it’s destination why does Britain no longer have the right to call itself Great?

A. First, why did dumb Johnny not turn on the bath taps?
B.Second,with the train are we talking `leaves on the line` or `the wrong kind of snow` .
Britain will always be GREAT , its greatness has just evolved and changed!

5. Have you ever genuinely wished to be a member of the opposite sex (or are you that already)?

Let me see.........

What are little boys made of?
What are little boys made of?
Frogs and snails
And puppy-dogs' tails.

Uh.....NO!

6. Do you have any embarrassingly weird interests or hobbies – and if so please explain in detail?

My degree was in History and I specialised in Welsh History but my interest is now Hitler and The Third Reich. I just do not understand WHY or HOW it could happen and the more I read the less I seem to understand.
Some of my children think my interest is weird.

7. Dance, Punk, Goth, Metal, Grunge, Pop, Country, Folk or Classical? The choice is yours.

Actually, anything but Jazz and Trance!
I loathe both.

8. If you could change anything about your current lifestyle / life situation, what would it be? And what would you keep?

I would like a new spine and a replacement of all joints.
And of course I would keep the joy of my life, my six girls.

9. If you were a packet of crisps what flavour would you be?

McCoy's Flame Grilled Steak

10. Describe the sandwich of the gods.

Walkers Salt and Vinegar Crisps sandwich made with thin, cheap white bread.

FAT OR PHAT!

Yesterday when I went to my neighbours house to return an Avon catalogue she had left me, she commented on the fact that my stomach was FAT!
Good sales technique....HUH!
She has mentioned this before and she is about a size 20/22 whilst I wear size 14/16 jeans and usually I think WHATEVER!
But yesterday I have to admit that it upset me.
Yesterday I was feeling exhausted after doing so much and everyone knows that when your back hurts you tend to slouch which of course makes your stomach look bigger.
Well that`s my excuse and I am sticking to it!
Since I have started dieting I have lost over 4 stone and gone from a size 22 to a size 14/16 which is not bad but I seriously think that after 7 babies my stomach muscles can only achieve so much!
And I do not intend to have cosmetic surgery to resolve the problem.
My Pollyannaism for the situation is that if I slouch on a bus then perhaps someone will give up their seat for me.
However, thinking about it, maybe not at my age!
When I went for my last spinal x ray ,for the first time I wasn`t asked if it was possible I could be pregnant so I must be starting to show my age after a lifetime of people telling me how young I look!

Today is a SOFA DAY.
After yesterdays exhausting run-around, today I will rest on the sofa (with my phone super glued to my hand!) as much as possible and in between rests, try and get some housework done.
So far I have managed to get the `activity corner` going.....I have put on the washing machine and dish washer and I have put the piggies and the rabbits out in their runs which by the way they absolutely LOVE.

Well I did manage to get a rest and I must have fallen asleep because I was woken at 11.30am by the Fed Ex guy phoning me to tell me that he had a parcel for me and was at my garden gate.
It was nice to have a rest and not be rushing around.

Phew.....maybe another rest I think!

WHAT A HOOBY GALOOBY DAY!

Yes I am alive but not kicking BUT HEY you cannot have everything.
I have had more x rays done on my spine and the arthritis is getting worse but if I stay lying down then the pain eases and goes away but I cannot lie down all day unfortunately(and Beauty wouldn`t let me anyway!)!
Oh Well.
But I have been referred to have my spine seen in the hospital and have possible work done on it or if that is not possible then have painkilling injections straight into my back.....ouch!
This week I am going back to have x rays on my knees and hips as they are also deteriorating but whilst they are very painful, the biggest problem with them is that they dislocate and the dislocating is getting worse and more frequent.But apart from that I am fit and well!!!!!
And Beauty is too.
Beauty`s Biggest problem is that as soon as it is light she is up and out of bed and ready to rock and roll.
And for me, 4 am is just too early to be rocking and rolling.

















This early a wake up call leaves me comatose for the rest of the day.
Today was such a day.
For the first hour all I could do was lie on the sofa waiting for the meds to kick in.....which they never did!
I took the second lot of meds at 10am and only by 11 am did they start to work.
Then the rest of the day was spent ferrying Pianoman around to the doctors and chemist and the post office and to take some things to his mother in the nursing home in Llanrumney.
I have a sign in my car which says MUMs TAXI and it is so true.
My back is in 2 pieces because of all the driving and when I got home I almost collapsed.I admire Taxi Drivers,I so could not do it as a job.
Beauty was out with the childminders this afternoon and I so could not cope without them, they took Beauty to the Hollybush in Whitchurch for a carvery meal and she had a wonderful time.The childminders are brilliant.

















Beauty enjoying a carvery at The Hollybush.


When she came back Runningman was here and he was at the house to help clear a little of the garage but I was way too tired for that so I had a lie down on my bed whilst he watched Beauty and she was very well behaved and watched her Hoob videos.
Well HOOBY GALOOBY!





















I knew there were a lot of Hoob videos out there but Beauty has been watching them since she was very young and I still haven`t seen a repeat!

And this evening has been really brilliant.
I sat on my sofa and did nothing but watch TV and write my journal and it has really helped.

BOOKS TO READ BEFORE YOU DIE!

I always seem to have at least one book I am in the process of reading(maybe two!) and at least half a dozen books ready to be read.But last year I bought a typical feel-good,romance novel in a charity shop and read it in an evening.On the last page of the book I realised I had read the book before but totally forgotten the story.

My reaction was WHAT A WASTE OF AN EVENING!

The phrase what a waste of an evening reminds me of the time I decided that I HAD to read a Salman Rushdie book.

I bought the book Midnight's Children

I actually managed to read it completely but it was labrious, difficult to follow and BORING!It is obvious that I must be a philistine for not appreciating the quality of his work but I just could not make myself like the book.So,since last years re-reading,I have decided that I must widen my field of reading and try and read some of the classic which I don't seem to have read many of.

I recently read my first Dickens book last week,Oliver Twist and was shocked to find that half the book is missing from the film and in the film the storyline is changed.

Well DUH!

It's like saying I read it in Closer or Hello so something must be true.
I really felt that I had been cheated.
However, I really did enjoy the book,especially the quality and style of writing.


Last night I finished reading Wuthering Heights which is also a book that a lot of films seem to leave half the story out of the production.Again I enjoyed the language and style of the writing BUT as for the characters Heathcliff and Cathy........well I found them to be annoying,selfish brats and thought the two of them could have done with a good hard slap.The redeeming quality of the book is that the subsequent generations of the two families, when Heathcliff dies, genuinely seem to have the promise of a happy future.And even though Heathliff was not a nice character, I personally have to vote for Joseph, the religious zealot as the nastiest character in the book!

And finally my present read........

The Hunchback of Notre-Dame by Victor Hugo

I shall let you know my conclusions!

As academic as these tomes might seem , I have to admit to reading some very LIGHT literature every day.
Niamh's bed time story!
She insists on at least one every day and last nights was The Princess and The Pea.
Lucky me!
I have to admit that when I read the stories I am a bit like Pheobies's mother in Friends.
If I don't like part of the story then I change it.
Hey, how's Niamh ever going to know?
Hey, the blackbird can peck off everybodies nose,Niamh will find that funny but with the Gingerbread house there was no way I was going to tell her a story about getting into a cooker!
When Niamh was younger I once caught her trying to climb into the tumble dryer........now that was bad enough!
And no The Little Match Girl doesn't die and neither does the little girl in The Red shoes!
They live happily ever after.

I am feeling very fragile after a migraine headache which doesn't seem to want to go away.
The main stage is over but I have been left with a very heavy headache.
And the sickness has gone thank goodness.
The worst thing about being ill has to be being forced to stay in bed but not being able to sleep and most of all not being able to read any of the wonderful books that I have bought recently because to much reading hurts my eyes.
I have managed to get some naps here and there but the headache seems worse when I lie down so I am trying to sleep propped up which seems to help.
Plus I have now banned myself from sneezing because so much vomitting really hurt my ribs and they are very painful if I sneeze or cough!
Due to having such a headache and very little sleep, I have been having the strangest dreams.....much along the line of Supernatural but without Dean!
At one point I had a dream that Nia and Elen were little again but that was a nice dream.
It was the bit in one dream where I visited one woman's house where she had her home decrated inside with Santa decorations........all year round and then Satan chasing me in storm clouds that worried me slightly!