A BLOG ON THE SPECTRUM

AUSTRALIA DAY (well it was yesterday) :)

2012-01-27T10:32:00.001Z

Today ,Beauty's school is celebrating Australia day and for lunch they are having Kangaroo Meat Burgers and for break time they are having Koala Fingers as snacks...........just kidding :)

I had nothing in the house to do with Australia so the only thing Beauty could take in was Kanga and Roo and a camel .
Why the camel?
Well when Australia was first colonised they took camels with them but with the advent of the motor era there was less call for them and now there are just a few living in the outback.
And how do I know this?
A random documentary I watched on the history of Australia once :)
However, the question has to be asked, why did I not send her in with a sheep ?
We have plenty of those in the house!
All I can say is it was too early this morning to think of things like that !

Here is Beauty on her way into school on a rare sunny morning.
Remember, we had hail storms yesterday :)

Beauty hiding her face from the paparazzi :)

No photographs please :)

Let me in :)

Beauty's breakfast/lunch table was decorated for the celebration by her teachers :)

As you must have guessed, Beauty LOVES celebrations .

Next on the list is Valentines Day :)

2012-01-25T10:17:00.000Z

DYDD SANTES DWYNWEN

The Welsh equivalent of Valentines Day, the day we tell all our loved ones how much we love them :)

These are the cards that Beauty made for her school friends and teachers, they also each got 3 Hershey's kisses :)

Beauty with her LIVE,LIFE ,LOVE hoody :)

Beauty's Heart :)

And finally the bag of goodies that Beauty took to school.
The cards and Hershey's Kisses and a tub of sweet heart cookies to share at break time in school :)

Sending lots of hugs and love
From Beauty and Me :)

2012-01-24T06:35:00.001Z

Happy Chinese New Year Everybody :)

This is Beauty before school yesterday in her Chinese New Year T Shirt.

A bit of advice, when you want to make an outfit for your child to wear to school it is best not to start making it at 8.30pm the night before !

Beauty did love wearing the T Shirt though :)

Happy Cinese New Year greetings card .

These are the Chinese New Year gifts that Beauty took to school for her teachers and friends.
Chinese tradition has it that the red envelopes contain money, Beauty and I put in chocolate coins left over from Christmas.
Well it was money........of a sort :)

This is the name poster that Beauty made LAST Chinese New Year.

Beauty and I hope you all had a lovely Chinese New Years Celebration yesterday :)

To all my family and friends, sorry I have been so bad at posting messages about Beauty and me but I promise to try harder this year .
Lots of love for 2012
Beauty and Me xxx

A CHRISTMAS CARD FROM HOME

2011-12-12T15:22:00.001Z

Beauty and I got Pianoman a Christmas Tree and we decorated it for him :)

I know it took a while Fiona but we managed to decorate your hanging basket at last :)

Look what Santa left early under someones Christmas tree :)

The Porthkerry Church where Nanny and Grandad are.

My eco-friendly Christmas wrapping paper, Beauty decorated it :)

When Beauty met Santa :)

Christmas is Coming :)

2011-12-05T13:14:00.000Z

Well the Christmas tree is up and the twinkle lights are twinkling
.

The decorations are on the piano

And the Christmas wreath has been hung

The Christmas cards are made

And the presents are wrapped .

And here I am as a Humanist wondering why I am doing all of this :)

2011-11-01T10:48:00.000Z

Beauty had a Hauntingly Happy Halloween :)

My day started with the 'punky ' creation :) Whilst he will last a few day, he will not be staying in our house as long a Vada Sultenfuss 'mother kept her 'punky' :)
When Beauty was little she couldn't say Pumpkin but she could say Punky and so that is what she has called pumpkins ever since :)

This year we went to MacDonalds. After 10 years of Burger King it was decided that it was time for a change.
Beauty enjoyed it very much and really enjoyed her Tintin toy Snowy .
She also ate all her food and half of mine!
I only bought her a Happy Meal because I knew she had eaten earlier.
BIG MISTAKE :)
When she had finished her meal she then set about eating mine !

Me with my 'Skully' bobbles, I think they are pretty cool and even though I am 50 I have decided I shall never grow up.
Who says we have to ?

We also visited Ariel and Matt who were having a party, this is Ariel post-glitter bombing :)
Wednesday is practicing her scary stare !
Thank you for all the chocolate guys, Beauty :)

Beauty visiting Fiona :)
We were banned from glitter bombing Fiona as she was going out !
As you can see,Wednesday is stunned by the goodie pot and Halloween treasure that Fiona got for her.
My girls are such stars :)

And last but not least, Beauty visiting SnoWhite.
Beauty was very pleased with the Ripple bar that SnoWhite bought her BUT Beauty was very concerned about Snowhite and kept telling her to go and put some clothes on.
She didn't want SnoWhite to get cold :)
Plus the look on Beauty's face when SnoWhite was glitter bombed was classic,Beauty looked totally shocked but she obviously like it because she started to jump up and down and stim furiously :):):)

I have to say a special thanks to my wonderful girls for making Beauty's first ever Trick or Treating such a wonderful success, she totally loved it.
We will definitely be back next year girls so definitely stock up on the chocolate :):):)

In the words of David Cassidy......

2011-10-06T02:50:00.002+01:00

And no it isn't in a 'I think I love you way' but an 'I can't sleep tonight' kind of way !
I took painkillers for my hips way too late so sleep is evading me even though I am very tired.
Oh well.
I don't do imaginary sheep so I am thinking about a bucket list.
And to show how exciting I am the only thing that I can think of to go on the list is cruise up the Nile !
I don't do heights or crazy adventures so that probably limits my horizons somewhat.
Learn to bake in a French boulangerie perhaps.
Visit Ayres rock or walk the Great Wall of China maybe.
Do something truly altruistic.
I think I am at the , 'I need suggestions' stage :)

School's Out For Summer :)

2011-07-28T08:31:00.000+01:00

Day 4 Week 1 and already I know Beauty is bored and last night she had a meltdown when the technology in the house would not co-operate........it was a video player thing !

Her computer is playing up and every time she uses her laptop and watches a video it freezes plus she now has an actual video stuck in her TV/Video combi :(

Yesterday Beauty came to me and said OFF which means she wants me to turn the parental control off on her computer so she can watch YOUTUBE, my answer was NOT A CHANCE to which she replied ANGRY and made a grrrrr! noise and turned around and went back to her computer making Baby Bear growling noises!

OK , communication skills improving :)

Plus the weather is so sticky and humid that this all combined is making for one stressed out 10 year

old !

Let me add to that, it is also making for one stressed out Momma lady :|

' I will survive'.....Thank you Gloria Gaynor , that is my anthem for the week, well the next 6 weeks .

Top of my To-Do-List today is to clean the back garden up, which basically means get rid of everything that can be dumped or re-cycled. I am hoping that Beauty will enjoy helping as she likes being in the back garden despite the mess.Yesterday she was out there counting gravel! She also spent a lot of time seeing how many pebbles would fit into my gardening gloves.......not enough it seems as she got in her words ANGRY when she could get no more pebbles in !

I am so glad she didn't try and see if the rabbit or the guinea pig would fit in the gloves.

Thankfully the rabbit is a VERY FAST runner and can escape her and the guinea pig scratches and bites so I think they are safe for the time being.

Beauty has become closer to the animals now that the boys live in the garden and she even enjoys cleaning them out at the weekend( the job is yours kid !).

The rabbit is now 'free range' and it is quite sweet to see them together in the garden, they don't play together but they don't seem to be afraid of each other anymore which is nice :)

However, Buzzy Bee Bunny has been wandering a bit too far of late and has been upsetting 'Mr McGregor 'who lives next-door and grows vegetables , Buzzy Bee is obviously very interested in what is on the menu !

So yesterday I got some chicken wire and wired up the bottom of the gate so now Buzzy Bee can longer escape. Buzzy is not a happy bunny , ah well, life's a beach .

Also on my list of To-Dos today is to make a plan of action for Beauty for the holidays., what to do and where to go .I don't think I want to cope with another meltdown from her.

One meltdown in the family is enough but with me the meltdown is a physical thing, it is an age thing!!!!!

I have spent a fortune on Black Cohosh and special vitamins and supplements and as of yet there are no visible results.

They had better start kicking in soon before I melt into a puddle like The Wicked Witch of the West though I am sure Beauty thinks I am already The Wicked Witch of the South with my lack of sympathy to all things technical!

Oh well, time to get up, wash dress and breakfast Baby Bear :)

WHAT DEGREE SUBJECT IS BEST FOR YOUR CHILD :)

2011-07-07T15:10:00.000+01:00

I have 6 girls and of the older 5, 3 have done language based degrees.

The eldest Anastasia did Russian and French, Belle did English and American Studies and Ariel did Arabic.The other 2 have done or are doing art based courses,Snowhite did Textiles and Fiona is doing Fashion.

And the youngest Beauty, if she ever develops to the stage of doing a degree it will DEFINITELY be something to do with computers and Disney :)

And if you were to ask me for advice as what degree is best for your child to do,I would have to say as far as the parent is concerned..........Language based subjects ALL THE WAY !

It took 1 car load to move Anastasia,Belle and Ariel from their university halls of residence whilst Snowhite and FIona, my art based students ,the amount of stuff they own seems never ending!(Though I have to say that Snowhite has downsized hugely).

I just helped Fiona move from halls of residence to a student house and it took me 4 car loads!

One of Fiona's sisters was heard to comment, 'Next time Fiona moves,she is renting a van AND I'll pay for it'.

So my advice is,if your child has leanings towards being the next Picasso, make sure you teach them to drive as early as possible so when they go to university they can move themselves!

Oh and don't forget, when they finish the university year and they have moved ALL their stuff, you will still be requested to help with the piles of washing they have accumulated through the year NO MATTER WHAT SUBJECT THEY STUDIED :)

I DREAMED A DREAM LAST NIGHT

2011-06-22T10:43:00.000+01:00

I dreamed a dream last night and in the dream I was given one wish .
I know, one wish is not three and I even said in the dream ,'Sorry but it is meant to be three', but sadly the wish giver was not listening:(
So one it was.
But what to wish for ?
Obviously, anything I wished for would be something to do with Beauty but what to choose ?
What a terrible position I felt I had been put in.
First I thought NO MORE AUTISM.
But then I thought WHY, she has had the happiest childhood that any child could have.
Second I thought,all the money I need and more to provide for her.
But then I thought WHY, she has everything she wants and needs now.
Then thirdly I thought, a world that doesn't stare and treat her like a freak would be fine.
And that is what I wished for.

ABOUT BLOODY TIME!

2011-06-20T19:25:00.002+01:00

'You pay peanuts, you get monkeys' as the saying goes.

I know people who are working in care homes and the wage is usually basic rate, not enough to feed a family on and because of this the turnover in care staff is high and quality of care cannot be maintained in some care homes.

If the staff were better paid, taught and regulated then perhaps there may be an improvement in the provision of care.

But these are private businesses looking to make a profit so the moment the staff find a better paid job they move on.
I watched the film and from the first few seconds of filming I could pick out those who were not suitable to work in that environment.
So it is not just the carers who should be found guilty of abuse but the people who employed them.

The whole of the Castlebeck company needs to be investigated.

20 June 2011
Winterbourne View Panorama 'abuse' hospital to close
Castlebeck will close Winterbourne View on Friday 24 June Related Stories
Parents 'feel sick' over 'abuse''Abuse'
film nurses are suspended
Care home serious review date set
A residential hospital for vulnerable adults near Bristol where alleged abuse was secretly filmed by the BBC Panorama programme is to close on Friday.
Castlebeck, which runs Winterbourne View, said the hospital would close on 24 June when the last patients would be transferred to alternative services.
Patients at the unit were filmed by an undercover reporter posing as a care worker
The footage showed residents being pinned down, slapped and taunted.
A spokesman for Castlebeck said the company had been working closely with families and carers, the NHS and social services "to ensure patients are safely transferred with minimum disruption to their lives".
After the programme was broadcast Castlebeck apologised and launched an internal investigation.
A number of people have been questioned by police and released on bail following the programme and the government said it would carry out its own review of what happened.
A serious case review into the alleged abuse at the residential hospital has been set for July.
'Future untenable'
Jack Lopresti, the local Conservative MP, said he had met Lee Reed, the chief executive of Castlebeck, earlier in the day.
Mr Lopresti said: "Mr Reed gave me his assurances that the closure of the hospital will be conducted in as sensitive a way as possible.
"I stand by my call for the hospital's closure and I am pleased that Castlebeck have come to the same conclusion.
"Given the horrific events which have taken place at Winterbourne View I believe its future running is untenable."

NOT SO DIRTY LITTLE SECRET :)

2011-06-19T11:57:00.005+01:00

And that secret is.......I iron my Tea Towels!

When I have had visitors, some have noticed that I iron my Tea Towels and they then proceed to fall about laughing.
They have told me that is the last thing they iron BUT if there was only one thing that I iron it would be my Tea Towels.
I am not OCD, my children can confirm that but I do believe in avoiding unnecessary infection.
I also am not the kind of mother who believes in keeping their children all safely wrapped up and not allowed to get wet and dirty.
Beauty is a champion puddle-jumper and will pick the most disgusting things up of the floor and put them in their mouth :)
I once worked at a traveller/gypsy clinic and in the depths of winter,when there was frost on the ground, I saw children running around without shoes and socks and they seemed pretty healthy children.
I use a dishwasher because it uses less water and hotter water than hand washing and I quite regularly bleach, soak and boil and iron my tea towels.
Beauty and I had MRSA when she was approximately 10 days old and I think this is probably one of the main reasons I make an effort with food and dishes cleanliness.
Also, Beauty's autism makes her totally unaware of the need for personal hygiene (she is yuk!!!!!) and I use many cloths a day to wipe her hands and face and the table too.
Most cloths are usually only used once.

I Googled ironing Tea Towels and the results seemed to be a half way split between those who DO & those who DON'T .
The following is one of the many who feel the same way as I do.
The following is from somebody who works inn the catering industry and I have to admit that most are not as fastidious as her. I worked as a waitress part-time for over 22 years and most restaurant kitchens are not a pretty sight!

From Yahoo answers

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker
Firstly buy good quality tea towels - old fashioned white glass cloths are the best as they can with stand all washing, even bleach if needed. Colourful pretty ones are not great as dyes can run in hot washes.
Secondly the way you handle your tea towels has to be to ensure that you are keeping any bacterial growth to a safe level. This is why you hang up them to dry after using them as damp conditions are ideal breeding grounds for bacteria. If you wash by hand then you do need to use a fresh one at least every day. I use a dishwasher and use one a week! but rarely dry anything with it so it never gets damp and will pickup very little bacteria. If changing everyday I would still hang the tea towel to dry at the end of the day, but in the morning put out a clean one putting the previous days "down for washing" then do a hot (at least 60'C) wash once a week. If you buy the white "stockinette" dish clothes then do the same with these - a fresh one every day.
So hot wash (on their own and certainly never with any clothing), and make sure you dry them quickly removing them from the machine as soon after washing as you can. Once dry IRON them even if this is the only thing you ever iron do it as it sterilises the cloths.
Hot wash + Iron = Safe Bacterial levels
When washing use Biological POWDER. The biological action breaks down proteins such as will be picked up from food and powder (with the exception of powder to wash colours) contains a bleaching agent which you don't get with liquids - compare Persil Biological Powder with Persil Biological Liquid next time you are in the supermarket!
Follow this and you will have beautiful spotless tea towels but more importantly safe!!

If you go through a lot of tea towels and dishcloths then you can do what I do at work. All cloths are never carried from one day to the next - fresh for each day. At the end of the day I soak the cloths (and oven cloths/gloves) in a solution of biological soap powder and COLD water in a STAINLESS STEEL pot (don't use aluminium as the detergent will break this down and the cloths don't come out to clean, enamel pans will work but the enamel eventually corrodes). I leave these soaking all night and then in the morning put the pot on a very low heat and leave it to gradually come up to boil temperature but don't actually let it boil (if you do you end up burning the dirty water which goes a horrible smelly brown that stains the cloths!), giving it an occasional stir I leave them on the low heat for 4-5hours. I then put the pot in the sink and run the cold water through it agitating with my hand. Then give them a final rinse under the hot tap, hand ring and hang up to dry. I then refill the pan with soap powder and cold water and then just add that days dirty cloths one at a time making sure by end of the day all cloths have been put in to soak.
Source(s):
Am a Caterer

So whilst I have A VERY GRUBBY CHILD that I am training to be A NICE CLEAN CHILD I shall have to maintain my NOT SO DIRTY LITTLE SECRET:)

Panorama BBC Undercover Care (31/5/2011) Part 1

2011-06-01T15:47:00.000+01:00

I once taught manual handling to carers in a nursing home and one of the carers said,'no matter what you teach us,I will do what I like when I am on my own'.
How do you deal with that kind of mentality ?

1 June 2011
A pattern of abuse at a residential hospital uncovered by BBC Panorama has been condemned as "shocking" by the government.
It comes after Bristol police arrested and later bailed four people over the treatment of patients with learning difficulties at Winterbourne View.
Care Services Minister Paul Burstow said he was determined to strengthen safeguards for vulnerable adults.
NHS South West said it had been "appalled" by the issues raised.
The hospital's owners, Castlebeck, have apologised and suspended 13 employees.

There can be no place for such inhumanity in care services. ”
Paul Burstow
Care services minister

During five weeks spent filming undercover, Panorama's reporter captured footage of some of the hospital's most vulnerable patients being repeatedly pinned down, slapped, dragged into showers while fully clothed, taunted and teased.
Mr Burstow said: "The abuse of people with learning disabilities at Winterbourne View uncovered by Panorama is shocking. There can be no place for such inhumanity in care services.
"There have been failures of inspection and adult protection which have exposed people to appalling abuse.
"I am determined to strengthen the system of safeguarding to protect vulnerable adults from abuse."
Avon and Somerset police confirmed three men - aged 42, 30 and 25 - and a 24-year-old woman were arrested as part of their investigation into the hospital.
Mr Burstow said he had already ordered "a thorough examination of the roles of both" government regulato, the Care Quality Commission, and the local authorities.
Secret filming caught patients being dragged and slapped by support workers NHS South West said it was "appalled" by the issues raised surrounding the care home.
In a statement, it said: "We always expect safe, high-quality care from providers of services and the abuse of vulnerable patients is totally unacceptable."
Warnings ignored
The programme decided to film secretly after being approached by a former senior nurse at the hospital who was deeply concerned about the behaviour of some of the support workers there
"I have seen a lot over 35 years but this I have never seen anything like this. It is the worst I have seen," former nurse Terry Bryan told the programme.
Mr Bryan reported his concerns to both management at Winterbourne View and to the CQC, but his complaint was not taken up.
In a statement, the CQC said that, following an internal review, it recognised that "there were indications of problems at this hospital which should have led to us taking action sooner".
The CQC says it was alerted to the allegations on 12 May 2011 by Panorama reporter Paul Kenyon and carried out unannounced inspections on 17, 18 and 24 May.
Joe Casey said filming the abuse was the hardest thing he'd done
There is currently a team from the local mental health primary care trust at Winterbourne View and the CQC is in touch with them and going in regularly for informal visits.
It said that, in response to the Panorama film, it had carried out three unannounced inspection visits of the hospital and taken steps to ensure it will not admit any new patients.
It had also written to Mr Burstow proposing the launch of a programme of risk-based and random unannounced inspections of a sample of the 150 hospitals providing care for people with learning disabilities, a move which the minister backed.
Patients moved
Castlebeck has launched an internal investigation into their whistle-blower procedures and are reviewing the records of all 580 patients in 56 facilities.
Winterbourne View can accommodate 24 patients and is taxpayer-funded, charging the state an average of £3,500 per patient per week.
NHS South West said: "Following initial checks, and a subsequent inspection by the CQC it has been agreed that patients should move to alternative facilities at the earliest opportunity."
It said: "Primary care trusts in the South West which commissioned placements at the unit have carried out an urgent review of the processes used to commission and review privately provided services. The outcome will be fed into the wider multi-agency safeguarding review."
From the BBC website.

WORDS FAIL ME!

2011-06-01T15:01:00.003+01:00

How can an autistic 18 year old stand trial in a court of law.
Anyone else think that this young man has been let down and failed by a society that was meant to care for him?
And do they really think that 2 years in prison is a fair or sensible action to take ?

"Latson to serve two years instead of 10-plus

STAFFORD — An autistic teenager from Stafford whose case drew national attention was sentenced to two years in prison Tuesday instead of the 10-and-a-half the jury recommended.

Reginald “Neli” Latson had eight-and-a-half years of his time suspended in Stafford County Circuit Court, leaving him with two, according to Judge Charles Sharp, who said that the time he already has served — about a year — will count toward his sentence.

Latson mostly kept his head down low while seated and when responding to Judge Sharp he was barely audible in the full but small courtroom.

The 19-year-old was convicted by a jury in March and ordered to serve 10-and-a-half years in prison for an altercation that took place against a school resource officer in May of last year. At the time, he had pleaded not guilty by reason of insanity.

Several people were called to testify Tuesday including Latson’s former middle school wrestling coach David Emison; and Vicki McCarthy, a licensed therapist who works in Fredericksburg — she met Latson when he was in middle school.

The prosecution team, led by Stafford prosecutor Jim Peterson, played a 911 tape from an incident in the spring of 2008 when Latson’s mother Lisa Alexander called the police and wanted her son removed from her home due to his being violent.

She told police her son was cursing at them all day, behaving violently and “needs to get out of the house.”

The prosecution also noted in court that Latson has hit other children and exposed himself to them.

McCarthy, when called to testify, described Latson as very shy. She said she met him just after he had been diagnosed with an autism disorder. He had earlier been diagnosed as having Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, she said.

“I think he needs a lot more support than the prison system can offer him,” said McCarthy. … “I was horrified at what happened to Deputy Calverley. …Our community lost on both ends. I would like to see [Latson] get the help he needs.”

On May 24 last year, Latson scuffled with Calverley after the school resource officer approached him, police said.

That day, a call came in to the Stafford County Sheriff’s Office from an adult at Park Ridge Elementary School at about 8:30 a.m. The caller reported a “suspicious” man sitting in a grassy area near Porter Library. Some confusion about whether there was a gun or not came about, but the man in question did not have a gun, police determined.

Meanwhile, local schools were put on lockdown.

The school resource officer reportedly administered pepper spray, but Latson gained control and sprayed Calverley in return. Calverley suffered a head laceration, cuts, abrasions and a broken ankle.

Latson was later convicted of assault on a law enforcement officer and wounding in the commission of a felony, according to court records. He was also convicted of disarming a police officer and obstruction of justice.

McCarthy described some of Latson’s idiosyncrasies such as carrying a key around his neck, carrying three playing cards, often wearing a hoodie, repeating television and movie lines out of nowhere and carrying string that he runs through his fingers. She said he had an aversion to strong odors.

Emison, when testifying, spoke about Latson’s earlier athletic talent. The coach said he didn’t have problems with Latson on the team.

The defense, led by William Reichhardt, asked Emison, “Knowing what you know today [about Latson] would you still want him on your wrestling team?”
Emison, who coached Latson at A.G. Wright Middle School in Stafford, responded: “Yes, I would take him on my team in a second.”

A doctor who testified for the defense recommended that Latson go to several facilities for treatment instead of prison.

He has “significant difficulty making appropriate social judgments,” the doctor said, noting that sending him to prison for an extensive period of time would not only result in an “abysmal prognosis” but it would mean “we’re missing this window of opportunity to intervene.”

The judge’s conditions in suspending Latson’s time include time spent at residential treatment programs and probation."

Written by Tracy Bell
Tracy Bell is managing editor of the Stafford County Sun.

DO NOT JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS COVER .

2011-05-19T22:13:00.005+01:00

Tonight Beauty and I baked.
We made these beautiful cupcakes and almost all of the mixing was done by Beauty.
And even if I say so myself, I think they look fantastic :)
But ........when you eat one you will find that not everything is as it seems .

When making them I used very low fat margarine and ordinary sugar.
I used these because that was all we had in the house and I didn't want to go out as my back was hurting and I thought,'what the heck, they should be ok'.
And when you eat them they taste delicious but because of the margarine being so low fat and the ordinary sugar not being as fine as caster sugar, it tastes crunchy and chewy.
Under ordinary circumstances I would have just kept them and eaten them but these were cakes that Beauty made and she knew that we were taking them to school and BEAUTY had made them.
She had made them knowing that they were for a Social Studies Project about weddings and she made them especially for her teachers and friends.
So as well as Beauty, the cupcakes will also be going to school tomorrow :)

Whilst whisking the cakes, Beauty insisted on covering her ears because she doesn't like the whisking noise.
She also doesn't like the noise of the assembly in school in the mornings as the loud noise upsets her.
She also dislikes the sound of hand dryers in toilets because the noise scares her and when she hears a baby cry she thinks a baby needs its nappy changed and she wants me to do it.
This kind of behaviour makes it very obvious that Beauty is different and has some kind of problem.
But being different doesn't mean she doesn't have the right to be who she is and accepted for that.

On many, many occasions I have been out with Beauty and I cannot get over the amount of people who just stand and stare at Beauty as if she is a freak.
All age groups.
When I find adults doing it I will stop and stare at the adult and wait for them to realise that I am looking at them and they become embarrassed an turn away.
But some do not and my next action is to ask them,' Can I help you, is something wrong'.
as of yet I have not had one person reply to my question, they almost always walk away embarrassed.
I am easier on children,when they are staring I usually say ,' Hello, how are you ?' and they also will almost always walk away without saying anything.

However, what I have noticed is that the staring is done by more people who appear to be of a lower social class. People I would believe to be of a higher social class, adults and children have not stared at Beauty in this kind of way or not that I have noticed.
But there is also the question, is it class that defines the behaviour or their intelligence.
I am sure that there are many working class people who would never stare and would never dream of doing something so bad mannered.
And there are probably people in higher social classes who have very bad manners and would also stare, it is just I have not come across them yet.
I was brought up in a council house which means I was brought up in a lower social class home but I taught my children not to stare as it would be hurtful to the person they were staring at.
That brings up another question.....Is the bad behaviour learned ?
In many cases I think it is.
Before Beauty went to school I was asked to look at main stream schools which I did.
One nursery teacher in charge of a nursery unit ( a qualified teacher) said that she did not think it was a good idea for Beauty to go to her nursery unit as she thought Beauty would upset the children and the children would not understand. She also said the parents also might not be happy having Beauty there.
Well what can you say to that kind of prejudice ?
How will children ever learn to accept people who are different and learn to live with them and accept them if ignorant adults are not a good example ?
Beauty is a lovely young girl, on the inside and outside.
Just because Beauty stims a lot, because she is so happy she laughs and chats to herself a lot,just because she is behaves differently to other people doesn't give others the right to judge her.
I have been reading a blog recently where a father who has 3 children who are autistic writes about his and their lives. He was told by one reader that his children did not have the right to live and he should not have had more children when he found out the first was autistic but at least when they found out the second was also autistic they should have stopped having children. This person felt very strongly about the situation and saw the children as being a drain on society. Whilst others were not as forceful in their beliefs, they did make it known without being as aggressive that they had similar feelings.
I was personally shocked that people should feel the need to say things like this.

I have a question.
People look at Beauty and see her as disabled.
As not normal.
As different.
As quoted in the case above, people with disabilities should not exist.
But who is to say she is different?
Who is to say she is not normal?
I read the book The Chrysalids by John Wyndham when I was about 10 and have never forgotten it

'The Chrysalids is set in the future - many years after a nuclear war has devastated much of the world. Waknuk, in Labrador, has survived, but it has been reduced to a primitive agricultural society struggling to return to the level of civilization that the “Old People” had enjoyed. Radiation from the war has left much of the land useless and is still causing mutations in plants, animals, and humans. The people in Waknuk, however, are unaware of the true cause of the deviations. Instead, they believe these deviations are a punishment sent from God. As a result, they follow a strict religious code that demands that a plant or animal born with any type of imperfection be destroyed. Human deviations are exiled to the Fringes, a lawless region to the south of Waknuk. Beyond the Fringes lie the Badlands (where all of nature is distorted) and then the Blacklands where nothing grows at all. '

In our society, although no one will admit it, most of us discriminate against people who are different to us. In the science fiction novel The Chrysalidsby John Wyndham, people who are do not match the leaders’ idea of the ‘true image’ of god are either killed or banished to the Fringes. The novel follows David Strorm, a member of a group of people with hidden telepathic powers, as he realizes he is different and is eventually found out and chased out of their town. Through Wyndham’s use of narrative techniques the reader has been positioned to see him saying that our society is not too dissimilar to that of David’s. As a society we treat people that are different, either physically or mentally, differently to how we treat people we call ‘normal’.
Read more: http://bookstove.com/book-talk/the-chrysalids-essay/#ixzz1MqEqpZqy

In the book, one of the characters asks how we know what is the norm.
How did the person who wrote the book saying what was normal know what was normal.
Everybody is different.
I honestly believe there is a spectrum for all things and people should not be judged for where they come on that spectrum.
I believe we just are.
And we should all be respected for being who we are.

I WASH.......THEREFORE I AM !

2011-05-17T20:20:00.004+01:00

I feel as if my washing has quadrupled in the last months.
And it is sending me grey and old before my time.

I do not believe that the Magic Porridge Pots that are my wash basket and ironing basket will ever be empty again.

No matter how many pinnies I put on Beauty,no matter how many throws that I put on the sofas, she still manages to get them dirty almost as soon as they go on.
Is this normal?

I am convinced there is a Dirt Sprite that lives in my house and drops dirt over everything in my house and stains all the clothes whilst we sleep,a bit like the Dust Fairy that I KNOW lives in the house.

I have this fear that the pile that is my washing is growing and growing and I wonder if it will one day become a monster and swallow the house .
Is this possible?
Does anyone else have such crazy fears?
Probably not :(

BEAUTY'S ROYAL WEDDING TEA PARTY :)

2011-04-29T21:11:00.006+01:00

A POSTCARD FROM HOME

Today we had a tea party to celebrate the Royal Wedding.
Beauty thoroughly enjoyed the cheese sandwiches :)
And Fiona enjoyed making the cheese sandwiches !

Of course we had lots of Royal bunting.

And here we have Fiona and Ariel who loved watching all the hats and dresses and Prince Harry !

They were both enthralled and they were quite regularly heard to exclaim 'oooooh' and 'ahhhhh' and 'oh so sweet' and 'Harry is the best Royal' :)

We all of course LOVED the dress :)

And the kisses xx

Whilst Beauty was quite happy to watch the wedding (however briefly!) she was just as happy to play on the computer :)

But for Beauty the refreshments were definitely an important part of the festivities.

And this is the lovely Victoria sponge that Beauty helped to make and Fiona decorated :)

It was a lovely wedding and we had a lovely tea party and it was a very special day :)

THE 25 YEAR ITCH!

2011-04-08T09:27:00.010+01:00

As far as recycling goes I feel it is really starting to irritate me and after a lifetime of always making an effort I have had enough. WHY ? I think it is mostly to do with the attitude of Cardiff City Council. As I have mentioned before, even though I went to a state primary school, I feel that it had quite progressive ideas even though it was the 1960s. Yes girls, that was when life was still in black and white :) I had a subject called Environmental Studies where we learned about the world and how we were destroying the world and what we had to do to save it .

The first real example I have in my own life of feeling we were destroying the world was 1979 - The Winter of Discontent. I remember being shocked at the build up of rubbish in Claude Road and thinking that even when itwas all moved and back to normal, we would still be producing that amount of rubbish . And here we are in 2011 and SnoWhite lives on that road and because most of the houses have been converted to flats and bedsits the rubbish fills the front gardens constantly. Then when I had children.......reduce, reuse , recycle became a normal way of life . And then in the middle 80s recycling household rubbish began. And I have tried to recycle everything . But now I feel at times WHY DO I BOTHER! This week all the residents where I live received a letter telling us that because we hadn't been recycling correctly our collections were to be monitored for a month to check that we were putting the right things in the right bins on the right days. Were also told how much we would be fined if we didn't do these things properly. And the best bit......they got the collection date wrong on the letters they had sent out so they had to post it again with the correct date! Billiant ! So we as residents are told off for not recycling properly but who gets to tell the council off for c*cking up their letter and having to do it twice.Doubling the cost and doubling the amount that needs to be recycled. BUTit seems that buy checking our bins it means that they will literally be going through them to check that we have put the right things in the right bags. Well my thought on that are BE MY GUEST. If they want to go through the nappies and piggie poo and rabbit poo then they can knock themselves out. The smell surely will! Even though the councils rubbish collection department has peed me off I think I more to blame for my feelings than the council. My last years New Years Resolution was not to weight myself in 2010 because I was getting obssessed with weighing myself. So I didn't apart from when I was weighed for my MRI. My resolution this year was not to buy any new clothes because I felt I had way too many. My attempt at reducing and it has been so difficult. I have seen a number of dresses I REALLY love but I cannot buy them AND THAT IS DEPRESSING ME. There are dresses in Tesco,Asda,Laura Ashley and M&S that I would really love to have but I can't buy them because I am REDUCING : (

April 2011 Shopping 'may improve health' By Helen Briggs Health reporter, BBC News Shopping prolongs life, at least for the over 65s in Taiwan, according to research. Even after adjusting for factors like physical and mental infirmity, men and women who shopped daily lived longer than those who shunned retail therapy, say scientists. Shopping may provide companionship, exercise and an opportunity to maintain a healthy diet, they report in the Journal of Epidemiology & Community Health. A leading UK expert said the findings "made sense" since shopping involves physical activity, social interaction and keeping mentally active. In the study, published online in the academic journal, researchers led by Dr Yu-Hung Chang of the Institute of Population Health Sciences, Taiwan, studied nearly 2,000 men and women aged 65 and over who lived in their own homes. They found those who shopped regularly lived longer than those who shopped just once a week or less, even after adjusting for factors such as physical limitations and cognitive decline. The data Taiwanese researchers studied 1,850 people aged 65 plus All were living independently at home During a survey in 1999-2000 they were asked how often they went shopping The team tracked how long they lived by linking individuals to national death registries between 1999 and 2008 Those who shopped daily were 27% less likely to die than those who shopped infrequently, with the biggest effect seen in men They acknowledge that shopping could be a marker for those in good health to begin with, but suggest shopping itself may improve health. "Shopping is often for pleasure with the potential to increase psychological wellbeing," they conclude. "Compared to other types of leisure-time physical activity, like formal exercise, which usually requires motivation and sometimes professional instruction, shopping activity is easier to undertake and maintain." David Oliver, visiting professor of medicine for older people at City University, London, said the findings "made sense" He told the BBC: "What the Taiwanese researchers have shown is that continuing to shop is independently predictive of better well-being and longer life. "Shopping is going to involve physical activity, social interaction with other shoppers and because it's quite a complex task it's going to keep you mentally active. "It makes sense that it would be a predictor of better physical and psychological well-being."

Mmmmmm......perhaps I did make a mistake on the NO NEW CLOTHES RESOLUTION :)

WEEKEND WORK.

2011-03-12T12:24:00.013Z

Anyone who has worked in the health service and is my age+ will remember weekend work.
It was a kind of mini spring cleaning session and looking back it was probably a good thing because there just doesn't seem to be time for anything like that today.
It also served another purpose and that was to check that everything was working properly,so I think it was a good thing.
Well I think that a lot of nurses carry on that tradition but not all of them because I know a certain nurse who doesn't live a million miles from me who hasn't cleaned her house since 1976 BUT HEY, we are not all the same thank goodness.
Well my house has weekend work and Niamh loves it.
How to save time and energy ?
Let the 10 year old do the work because she loves doing it, it is still a game for her:)

Beauty loves to cook and today we made pasta bake.
This is me trying to be frugal :)
Cheese-35p
Pasta -36p
Sauce x 2 - £2.00
So the meal cost me £2.71 to make and it will last for at least 2 more meals.

The finished product :)

Beauty LOVES baking :)

She also loves to clean :)

One thing that I have a problem with is the dust pan and brush and anybody who has recently visited my house wiill know this because they are always being asked to dust pan and brush something up that I have swept into a corner.......sorry girls :)
However, now I know that Beauty can help me.

One of the problems with the sweeping is that Beauty gets very excited and is likely to be a bit over enthusiatic :)

Beauty seems to go through stages of development and at the moment she seems to have made a huge step forward.
She just wants to learn all the time and this is constant and due to her ADHD which Prof. Fraser also diagnosed, she just wants to be DOING all the time.
Her learning seems to fall into 3 groups.
Personal care, educational learning and homemaking skills and these are totally her own choice.
I feel in a way that we are following a Montessorri type plan for her and she is leading the way and achieving at her own pace the skills she needs to learn.

Finding the energy to keep up with her enthusiam is the only difficulty :)

PANCAKE DAY

2011-03-08T00:08:00.010Z

Beauty's Bunny display.

This is my 25th year of being a parent of a child in school and I can tell you now that contributing continuously can be very tiring.
Beauty's school is very small and there are usually 6 children in her class. I am the parent of one of only 2 children in the class that are taken to and from school by their parents so such contact means it can be difficult to escape contributing to everything.
For each celebration the children dress up and bring different types of food or something else that is relevant to the occasion.
Today is Shrove Tuesday so that means Pancakes BUT I really feel that I am getting tired of making and creating.
I am getting just a little old for this.
And personally I am feeling a little 'tattered' around the edges :)
Did I ever tell you about the St David's Day when I sent in a tin of Welsh Cakes?
I just did not have the energy to handmake them so I took them out of the packet and put some caster sugar on them and put them in a cake tin.
They only went and won a prize in the school competition.
It was a bit of a Helen Mirren moment in Calendar Girls when her M&S cake wins first prize in the WI competition.
Well nobody told me they were going to be bloody judging them.
Not that I won a prize or anything(thank goodness)!

This year for Shrove Tuesday I am sending in pancakes still in their packets so there is no possibility of confusion.
Not that there is a pancake competition(phew!).

And Beauty and I spent all of half an hour making paper bunting.
Beauty was too busy singing and dancing and bouncing around to spend much time being creative.

I spent many hours once sewing Easter bunting for Beauty's class but that went walkabout and hasn't been seen since so this was definitely more enjoyable for Beauty to make and less time intensive and definitely cheaper.

And so I have spent time and effort on something that Beauty and I can both enjoy.
Today we put together an Easter display on the piano.
We bought most of the things in 'What' and 'Dunelm' so you can tell they did not cost a lot.

Beauty was thrilled when we did this and she showed it by being very flippy-flappy with her fingers.

She also enjoyed rubbing noses with the bunny noses :)

I especially love the vases.
They were the cheapest vases in 'What' yet I felt they were the most attractive.
Anybody who has shopped in 'What' knows exactly what I mean :)
So what comes after Shrove Tuesday and before Good Friday ?
I am sure the school has something planned :)

UPDATE

Look what I found today.
A photo of the bunting that I made for Beauty's school.
I am so glad I have a photo of it:)

GUS GUS THE MOUSE

2011-03-06T19:37:00.003Z

Last night we had a visitor.
The smallest , fattest little mouse you ever saw.
Just like Gus from the film Cinderella.
And I had to rescue him because the cheeky little thing got stuck under the door between the living room and the dining room!

And I know exactly where he came from.
I have crazy neighbours who haven't cleaned their house since 1976 when they first moved into their house.
They should be on a TV program called HOW DIRTY IS YOUR FILTHY STINKING HOVEL not 'How Clean Is Your House' with Kim and Aggie.

Well back to Gus Gus :)

Looking round for something to put him in I saw one of my storage tins that I use to store Niamh's hair slides and bobbles and quickly emptied it.
Then I carefully caught Gus by the tail and popped him into the tin and put the lid on.

I then took him quickly out of the house, down the garden path and plopped him in the road and warned him that if he came back then next time I wouldn't be quite so nice.
He scurried away.
Let's hope he does as he is told.

Anyway, I have decided that there are no more pets, they are meant to live in THE WILD.

In the garden

Not the house

I HAD A CHOICE .........

2011-02-16T02:53:00.004Z

and the choice was to be awake and in pain or to be awake and not in pain!
Mmmmm.......let me see.......a difficult one!
My arthritic old hips were in so much pain that I decided to take the meds which means it is nearly 3 am and I haven't managed any sleep.
This must be how people feel when they take Red Bull.
Oh well :)
No peace for the wicked.
But at least the ten year old is asleep which is always good news and restful for her and me.
She has had too many 2 am wake up calls for my liking recently and one was definitely caused by a circling police helicopter disturbing her sleep. Grrrrr!!!!!
Luckily I have no doctors or other appointments tomorrow so I should manage to catch up on some sleep whilst Beauty is in school.

Because I cannot sleep I have been Stumbling and came across this

WELCOME TO HOLLAND
by
Emily Perl Kingsley.

c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

Holland to me is the most beautiful country in the world.

PILATES AND ME!

2011-01-14T06:15:00.011Z

I am in a much lighter brighter mood than I have been in a while even thought the pain from my back and joints continue.

And why?

A trip to the spinal clinic in CRI.

CRI
(Yes that's the one, the one used for filming Dr Who)

Going into the infirmary was a really strange experience as I was there last when I worked on a ward that closed and moved to
UHW and that was in 1999.

UHW

Oh so long ago.

The spinal clinic is in the old casualty building and I swear the reception desk is exactly the same one and has not changed in anyway.I was directed through to the waiting area which was also the same apart from a lick of magnolia!

I had been referred to this clinic after being seen at Llandough Hospital for an MRI.

Llandough

After the results came through it was decided that I no longer go to Llandough but go to the CRI which is on Newport Road and closer to where I live.

After being in the waiting area for 5 minutes, a woman came and called me through to an interview area.

She did not tell me her name, state her designation or wear a name badge.

She could have been the Tea Lady for all I knew.

However, as we started to talk it became clear that she was not medically trained and was totally

vacuous of all common sense and anything remotely connected to Human Biology!

She had an x ray screen in front of her with my spinal x ray on it, and a small manila folder in front of her and she asked me 'Where is the damage in your back?'

It took me a few seconds to figure this one out and wonder if it was a trick question and I was being secretly filmed for some new comedy show.

Pointing to the screen I said , 'In the lumbar region'.

She then looked at the x ray and said ' Well at least it isn't serious, it is just normal wear and tear'

WHAT!

9 inches of damage and deterioration and 3 ruptured discs not serious.

'Have you considered working on your core?'

'What about Pilate's?'

At this point I wanted to start banging my head against the wall and give up the will to live.

I felt the way that you do when you are on the phone to a cold caller trying to sell you insurance who has a script to follow and will not shut up long enough for you to say NO THANK YOU!

My reply was, ' I am sorry, but that x ray is serious and it is not NORMAL WEAR AND TEAR'.

Her reply was, ' Well it is for some people'.

'Are there Pilate's classes in Cardiff?' was her next question and from this I knew the conversation was on a downwards cycle and I knew that I had to get out of there before I found myself banned from the hospital.

'I don't know ' was my reply!

To which she asked , 'Why are you here, what do you want?'

'To be free of pain' was my answer.

'But what do you want to do' was her response and by this time I was convinced that this woman did not know the time of day let alone what a normal spinal x ray should look like.

Praying this meeting was going to end in the next 2 minutes I replied,

'I have had an MRI and I am here for you to give me the options of what can be done.'

Her next statement floored me, 'Well I think you are being very negative and so there is no point in you being here'

I just wanted out of there.

' Look just give me the options' was all my poor addled brain could think of.

'Well you don't want an operation, do you?

'If I needed one YES but if it is optional NO. I have had MRSA once thank you and that was enough'.

'OK, then we will refer you for physio.Where do you live?'

Remember, she has notes in front of her!!!!

'Pentwyn'

'Where's that?'

'North East Cardiff'

'Where is that?'

'Cardiff Gate, M4'

'Sorry I don't know where that is so I don't know which hospital to refer you to.I will ask someone'

Disappears, reappears, 'I couldn't find anyone, I will just refer you to physio'

I am now convinced that this woman has just wandered in off the street and sat down at a desk and picked up a pen and is pretending she works here!

'I will also refer you to the pain team though I don't know if they can help you as the damage is so widespread!'

I felt like yelling WHAT DAMAGE, I THOUGHT YOU SAID IT WASN'T SERIOUS.

And then I managed to escape!!!!!

GIRLS......you would have been impressed at how well I behaved!

So the first thing I did when I got home was check out where the Pilate's classes were, how much they cost and what they do physically.

The first thing that I came across was this!

On first sight I thought it was something from a medieval torture chamber BUT NO, it appears to be an exercise unit which you PAY to use as part of one-to-one coaching!

Then I checked out the prices which start around £40 for a short course and a one-to-one coaching session is £35 .

But the final straw which made me fall about laughing was the actual routines/exercises involved in Pilate's!

For me it was like watching an episode of a funniest video show where people have accidents and falls and you can't help squealing OUCH! and OOOOOOOO! when you see what happens to them.

Well I am watching these videos and thinking I HAVE TO WALK CAREFULLY to stop my hips, knees and ankles dislocating.The thought of doing theses moves and the pain caused when my joints dislocate had me squealing OUCH! constantly just watching the moves and positions.

Just go into YouTube and watch any Pilate's video and you will see what I mean.

There is no way I could attend a class as I have to watch out that I don't pinch the nerves in my back or dislocate anything when I move and because of the pain I move slowly.

Think Wood Louse on its back.

That's me.

BUT.....I shall pay for one session at a private studio to see what they say.

I shall do this so the TEA LADY cannot say I haven't tried and that I am being negative!!!!

KISSING PIXIES!

2010-12-28T13:17:00.016Z

Don't get me wrong when I say I am using VERY STRONG painkillers, I feel a lot better that I have in ages.
The painkillers are really helping with the pain and the side effect is that I am not feeling so down because the pain is better regulated.
I was given enough to take three lots a day(enough to be seeing and kissing Pixies!) but after the first day, I am finding that two lots a day controls the pain and I don't feel the desire to be going dancing and singing naked in the street!
Three lots a day was definitely too much.
And I am not taking the Diazepam!!!
I managed to take Sali and Anna shopping in town on Boxing day and whilst I could feel the pressure in my back increasing there was no increase in pain.
However, the painkillers do wear off in the night and I do feel as if I have been kicked in the back by a donkey and walking first thing is not an option!
I visited the doctor on the Wednesday before Christmas and she was able to tell me the results of the MRI as her computer is linked to the hospital computer.
I have 9 inches of damage/severe arthritis and 3 Torn Spinal Discs......so not much really!
As you can see, my sense of humour is still intact even if my back isn't!
So no more 10k runs in the foreseeable future!
But for Christmas I had a new laptop so I do not have to sit at the computer table but can lie down in bed and rest my back AND still go on the computer and right my blog.

We had a lovely Christmas though.
Whilst my back was in a lot less pain, Snowhite and Fiona still cooked the Christmas lunch.

Snowhite doing Christmas baking :D

The Chocolate Christmas Puddings that Fiona made :D

The only thing not as I would have made it was the broccoli which was a little(a lot!) al dente but then I do prefer it cooked to mush.Yes I can hear you all saying YUK!
Beauty decided to have a long lie in and so none of us got up until gone 10am and then lunch was not until 3pm but we had a very restful but enjoyable day.

Opening my Christmas Stocking x

Something I read on Paulo Coelho's Facebook page today

If I had my life to live over, I would try to make more mistakes.
I would relax. I know of very few things that I would take seriously.
I would go more places. I would climb more mountains and swim more rivers.
I would eat more ice cream and less bran.

I would have more actual troubles and fewer imaginary troubles.
You see, I have been one of those fellows who live prudently and sanely, hour after hour, day after day.
Oh, I have had my moments. But if I had it to do over again, I would have more of them – a lot more.

I never go anywhere without a thermometer, a gargle, a raincoat and a parachute.
If I had it to do over, I would travel lighter.

If I had my life to live over, I would pay less attention to people telling us we must learn Latin or History; otherwise we will be disgraced and ruined and flunked and failed.
I would seek out more teachers who inspire relaxation and fun.

If I had my life to live over, I would start barefooted a little earlier in the spring and stay that way a little later in the fall.
I would shoot more paper wads at my teachers.
I would keep later hours.

I’d have more sweethearts.
I would go to more circuses.
I would be carefree as long as I could, or at least until I got some care- instead of having my cares in advance.

I doubt, however, that I’ll do much damage with my creed.
The opposition is too strong.
There are too many serious people trying to get everybody else to be too darned serious.

(there are several versions of this text circulating in Internet. The one above is attributed to Don Harold)

I shall definitely have to think about this and write my own version.

SCHOOL CONCERTS AND NON-COMPLIANCE!

2010-12-15T06:08:00.004Z

Gandhi's policy of Non-cooperation is legendary but my family will all agree that Beauty's takes Non-cooperation to the next level.
If Beauty does not want to do something, convincing her to actually do it can be almost impossible .
Beauty's non-compliance in school concerts goes beyond even Gandhi's hard-core ideals.
For example, she spent last years concert sat in a a paddling pool on stage and the year before she sat in a giant box.
Now if I were her teacher I would be pretty peed off at this as she is the most verbal and most aware(and most obstinate!) child in the class.
She is also always singing and dancing but refuses to perform to request.
She also knows an amazing amount of Christmas carols and songs.
What a party pooper!
In today's concert she is a reindeer.
However, I have no idea what she is going to be sat in!
Such a sweet child x
Anyway, today is Beauty's school concert but I do not think I will be attending due to this virus I have as I think it would be unfair to inflict it upon anyone else.
It has got worse and it has now got to the 'HACKING AND SPITTING' stage!
NICE!
Also, all down my wind pipe is starting to feel sore.
I shall ask her teacher to take a photo of her sat in whatever she is sat in then I will not miss anything!
The sad thing is she never notices if I am there or not!

My memories of my own school concerts include always being an angel but never Mary and being dressed in Edwardian clothes singing to Mary Hopkins' song Those Were The Days..

My most significant memory of the concerts Beauty's older sisters did.....Fiona dressed as Mary seen drop kicking the baby Jesus across the stage just as the stage curtains are closing.
I was weak with laughter
You have got to love that kid.
She is a star.

Oh yes.....PC gone mad.
I can imagine this happening!

x

WHICH WITCH?

2010-12-14T09:45:00.012Z

Yes I know.
As my girls have told me many times,years ago I would have been burnt as a witch!!!!!

And what is my crime?

Well I make all my cleaning products myself using borax,soda crystals,bicarbonate of soda, natural soap flakes and white vinegar but I do have ready made eco-products for when the girls need to do some cleaning or washing(oh I am so funny!) or when I cannot be bothered messing!

I have also made my own shampoo and hair conditioner which seems to work better on my hair than the most expensive 'frizzy' products .

When a girl has hair like Crystal Tips then she HAS to try everything to tame THE BEAST!

If that makes me a witch then Oooops!

Or it could be the fact that I spend the summer in long dresses.
But surely that just makes me like a hippy but then again the girls also think I look like a hippy!!!!!!

I am not sure !

I don't do labels!!!!!

I am also a vegetarian and cook lots of vegetable stews using herbs and spices in large steaming pots on my large range cooker.

Double, double toil and trouble; Fire burn, and caldron bubble

but I don't use

"Eye of newt, and toe of frog,Wool of bat, and tongue of dog,Adder's fork, and blind-worm's sting,Lizard's leg, and howlet's wing,--For a charm of powerful trouble,Like a hell-broth boil and bubble."Macbeth (IV, i, 14-15)

BUT you never can tell so be careful what you eat at my house!
Remember DON'T DRINK THE KOOL AID!!!!!

Or perhaps it is my PREMONITIONS!!!!
I have had quite a few premonitions of things going to happen in my life but I have never been able to do anything about them.
They usually seem pretty vague until they have happened and then they seem crystal clear.
My most recent was that Beauty was going to cut her own hair and that happened though I did try and hide all the scissors, she found a pair that had been lost!
The most significant was the day of the Hungerford Massacre.
I was walking through Newbury which is only a few miles from Hungerford (a number of Newbury people died in the massacre) and I had what I can only describe as a vision. I am not religious but I realise that there are a lot of things that happen that I don't know about or understand.Anyway, I was walking towards the market square when I felt I saw a man , there but not there, run around the corner of the post office carrying a rifle and he ran straight passed me and was gone.
Then I thought it was just silly imaginings but at that time the gunman had already killed a number of people in Hungerford and went on to shoot more.

My theory?

I obviously have no more firm evidence that anyone else but I think it is to do with how you are as a person.
I am a mother of 6 and being a mother of 1 or 6 heightens your senses and makes you constantly aware and sensitive to what is going on around you with regards to your children.
You are always listening and always watching and you can also sense things when nothing can be heard or seen.
I also read The Nun's Story and she describes Nun's who are Mental health nurses as different to other nurses.She said it was as if they were hyper aware and constantly alert.
I think we humans have that ability to be hyper alert BUT where the 'visions' or what ever you want to call them come from......I have no idea.

Conclusion.......Witch or not a Witch?
Perhaps what they said in Practical Magic is the answer.
'There's a little witch in every woman.'

WHEN A CARER NEEDS A CARER!

2010-10-13T09:56:00.000+01:00

Having a child who is profoundly autistic can be exhausting at the best of times but when you the carer are also unwell it can become a nightmare.
Beauty is a very demanding child and when she wants something or wants to do something, she cannot understand WHY you say no.
How to convince a child that she cannot have six packets of GREEN CRISPS or why she cannot have half a dozen bars of DAIRY MILK CHOCOLATE.
And then the only answer is to hide them and to re-hide them because she will find them.......over and over!
I have found over the last year as my health has got worse is that the best way for me to deal with the situation is to deal with her the way that I did when she was a new baby.
And that is......when she sleeps, I sleep.
Having Fibromyalgia,Spinal Arthritis,R Arthritis, under active thyroid, anaemia or whatever the heck else is meant to be wrong with my body,means that I am tired ALL the time and so the only way to cope with Beauty is to sleep when she is asleep or sleep when she is in school.
At the moment I can barely write this and keep my eyes open and as soon as I have finished I shall be going back to sleep.
Most days I manage to cope but the days when she is awake from 2 or 3 am and does not go back to sleep then I feel as if I am dying.
I feel like a Zombie.
But on a NORMAL day I like to get out of bed at least an hour before Beauty so the meds have a chance to kick in.
When I get her out of bed she goes straight in the bath and most days I attempt to clean the bath room whilst she is lying in the tub but usually all that I manage is to sit on the toilet with my head resting on my arms on the sink.
However, today I did manage a not bad clean of the bathroom.
I think Kim and Aggie would find it acceptable(but it is really tough if they don't!).
And I dress her and then she comes down and eats breakfast and then onto the computer until it is time for school.
Whilst this is happening I TIDY through and put the dishes and laundry on to wash before I dress myself for the school run.
This sounds so efficient but it just isn't!
It is all so exhausting and I get so little done!
I am always tidying but never cleaning because I just have no energy but that is all sorted now thank goodness.
On Friday a cleaner comes for 2 hours from an agency to do the cleaning I never manage.I am so thrilled that at last I have a cleaner.
And then I spend the day recovering by sleeping so I have the energy for Beauty when she gets home from school.
Evening is when I seem to have most energy and get most tidying done and then when Beauty sleeps again...I also sleep!
If only I didn't have to sleep so much and had some more energy.
I think I might finish this blog post later as I just nodded off and my nose hit the computer screen!

THEY GREW UP TOO SOON

2010-09-29T22:52:00.004+01:00

Schoolbag in hand, she leaves home in the early morning
Waving goodbye with an absent-minded smile
I watch her go with a surge of that well-known sadness
And I have to sit down for a while
The feeling that I'm losing her forever
And without really entering her world
I'm glad whenever I can share her laughter
That funny little girl

Slipping through my fingers all the time
I try to capture every minute
The feeling in it
Slipping through my fingers all the time
Do I really see what's in her mind
Each time I think I'm close to knowing
She keeps on growing
Slipping through my fingers all the time

Sleep in our eyes, her and me at the breakfast table
Barely awake, I let precious time go by
Then when she's gone there's that odd melancholy feeling
And a sense of guilt I can't deny
What happened to the wonderful adventures
The places I had planned for us to go
(Slipping through my fingers all the time)
Well, some of that we did but most we didn't
And why I just don't know

Slipping through my fingers all the time
I try to capture every minute
The feeling in it
Slipping through my fingers all the time
Do I really see what's in her mind
Each time I think I'm close to knowing
She keeps on growing
Slipping through my fingers all the time

Sometimes I wish that I could freeze the picture
And save it from the funny tricks of time
Slipping through my fingers

Slipping through my fingers all the time

Schoolbag in hand she leaves home in the early morning
Waving goodbye with an absent-minded smile

YOU CAN'T TELL A WELSH MAN ANYTHING....

2010-09-27T05:21:00.008+01:00

YOU CAN'T TELL A WELSH MAN ANYTHING.......is something my father told my mother BEFORE they got married and she still married him and stayed with him!
All I can say is there is no accounting for love.
However, I have another truism.......YOU CANNOT MAKE A CHILD WHO IS PROFOUNDLY AUTISTIC DO SOMETHING THEY DO NOT WANT TO DO.

OR CAN YOU?

I first read about this research when I was doing my masters in Autism and there is a lot that I agree with.

From The Times
September 12, 2007
Testosterone finding backs the ‘extreme male brain’ autism theory
Mark Henderson, Science Editor

The theory that autism is caused by an extreme version of the “male brain” has won strong support from new research showing that male hormones in the womb are linked to social and emotional skills in childhood.
Scientists at the University of Cambridge found that both boys and girls who are exposed to high levels of testosterone before they are born are more likely than usual to develop traits typical of autism, such as a preference for solitary activities and strong numerical and pattern-recognition skills.
The study included only children who are not autistic, but it gives some of the firmest biological evidence yet that the social impairments that characterise the condition may be affected by prenatal hormone exposure.
This in turn backs the theory that autistic people are best understood as having extreme versions of a brain type that is common in the population at large, particularly among men.
The idea advanced by Professor Simon Baron-Cohen, who leads the Cambridge team, is that human brains are predominantly attuned either to empathising with others, or to understanding how systems work. Women are more likely to be in the first group and men in the second, while autistic people are extreme systemisers whose social problems emerge from a fundamental difficulty with empathy.
The model fits with the observation that autism is four times more common among boys. One possible explanation is that male hormones in the womb could promote systemising at the expense of empathy. Very high exposures may thus trigger autism.
Professor Baron-Cohen’s study, conducted with his graduate student, Bonnie Auyeung, looked at prenatal testosterone levels in 235 foetuses whose mothers had had amniocentesis.
When the children were born, they were followed up to assess their psychological development. The latest data, from questionnaires given to mothers when the children were eight, were presented yesterday at the British Association Festival of Science in York.
While all the children were developmentally normal, boys and girls who had higher levels of foetal testosterone were significantly more likely to have a large number of autistic traits such as preferring playing alone to joining in at birthday parties, and being good at remembering numerical patterns, such as car numberplates.
About 20 per cent of the variation between children’s autistic traits appeared to match foetal testosterone levels, with the remainder likely to be caused by genetic and environmental factors.
Previous research with the same group of children has shown that at 12 months, children with high foetal testosterone make less eye contact with their parents and look at others’ faces less frequently. At 18 months, they have a smaller vocabulary than children exposed to lower concentrations of the male hormone.
Professor Baron-Cohen said that the results did not prove that the link between male hormones and autistic traits was causal: both could be the result of something else. He also said that his team had not yet examined autistic children, only autistic traits in the normal population.
Even so, he said, the work added strong biological evidence to his extreme male brain theory. “The hypothesis was based on observed sex differences,” he said. “Simply put, girls tend to show better empathy, and boys tend to have a stronger interest in systems. Children with autism seem to have an exaggerated version of typical male preferences. They have a strong interest in systems, and difficulty empathising.
“We are now moving from a psychological level down to a biological level. It is an exciting development.”
Professor Baron-Cohen has won funding from the Medical Research Council to conduct a study using two large databases in Denmark, an archive of 90,000 amniocentesis samples, and a national register of people with psychological or developmental disorders. He said: “We are going to look at who has a diagnosis of autism and then pick out their amniocentesis sample and look at testosterone.”
Professor Baron-Cohen said it was unlikely that it would be possible to prevent autism by controlling foetal testosterone, not least because doing so might adversely affect other aspects of foetal development.

I believe that Beauty is TYPICALLY autistic in lots of ways but I would also like to say that she has an amazing sense of humour, fantastic imagination and loves to hug and kiss which are not meant to be typical traits of autism (well, as every other article on autism seems to want to reassure me of)!.
It is a bit like saying though that all little girls love ponies and all little boys love football!
Do they?
Well I have 6 girls and only Belle was PONY obsessed but Beauty is DOG obsessed and parents of small boys will have to let me know if they are football obsessed!
However , next door to me lives a young family with 2 small boys and they are regularly coming into my garden to fetch their ball though I think it is the Dad who is the most obsessed.....he has a Cardiff City scarf in the back window of his car!

If what Professor Baron -Cohen (and yes I think they might be related) has to say is true then I think it goes a long way in explaining the behaviour modification that works best with Beauty.

Hands up how many women have heard of or employed the following Behaviour Modification Theory.
Men can be guided into doing what ever you want them to do as long as they are guided in the right way.In subtle ways, plant a seed of an idea that allows a man to believe that an idea is all his own and there is no stopping him but tell him he has to do something and he will dig his heels in like a mule and totally refuse to comply.
I am being totally serious here and I want you to know that I am not "BlokeBashing".
Whilst females need to be wooed in different but still subtle ways, men are less complex creatures and you take care of their creature comforts and and they will be happy to go along with most things.
Random thought I know but it must be easier to get a man to go shopping now that so many men have i phones and droids and other fancy phones.......they can surf in comfort in the best and the worst of the shops.
Yesterday I went to Asda and there were so many trailing men on their phones!!!!

Beauty is therefore very "male brained"from what Professor Baron-Cohen has explained.
If she does not want to do something then she will not but let her think it is her own idea and there is no stopping her.
Beauty has a Selective Eating Disorder which seems to happen a lot with children who have an ASD.

Selective Eating Disorder (SED) (also known as picky or fussy eating, or perseverative feeding disorder) is an eating disorder that prevents the consumption of certain foods. It is often viewed as a phase of childhood that is generally overcome with age. Children may not grow out of being a picky eater, however, and may continue to be afflicted with SED throughout their adult lives.

The British Journal of Clinical Child Psychology and Psychiatry states that:

Selective eating is the little studied phenomenon of eating a highly limited range of foods, associated with an unwillingness to try new foods. Common in toddlers, it can persist into middle childhood and adolescence in a small number of children, most commonly boys. When this happens social avoidance, anxiety and conflict can result.

And my way of dealing with the situation is to make Beauty think that any additions to her eating repertoire are purely her own choice.
If I were to put something new on Beauty's plate at meal times then she is very unlikely to even to try it.
However, if I sit next to her whilst she is eating with my own food she is more likely to see it on my plate and want to try it.
From this technique , Beauty has learned to eat fish, chicken, Yorkshire Puddings,ham,fromage frais,pizza and so much more.
I have seen a number of programs on TV about selective eating but the children I have seen them working with are normally developing and what works with them would not work with Beauty.
Plus the ultimate treatment for normally developing children with this problem is to only allow them to eat the offered food and eventually they will eat it.But with a child on the autistic spectrum this will not normally work and will possibly result in starvation as they will just refuse to eat.
And that is just cruelty.
As Beauty's teachers in school have commented " SHE WORKS TO HER OWN AGENDA" and if you push her and she does not want to do something then she has been known to become like a crazed, flailing animal and that can be physically painful.....for others!

But being as stubborn as a mule also works!
We have guinea pigs and a rabbit and so I prepare them raw vegetables and when Beauty was small she went to take some of the vegetables to eat and I shouted NO because they were a bit grubby but she tried to eat them anyway and has ever since.
She eats raw cabbage, broccoli , carrots and lettuce and I am convinced she eats them because she thinks she is doing something naughty.
She also eats daisies!!!!(which her idiot sisters have been known to feed her because they think it is funny!)

Beauty also has sleep disturbances and sometimes she can be awake from 2am and not go back to sleep but she can also veer towards the other end of the spectrum.
At times she is like a teenager and nothing seems to make her want to get out of bed in the morning.
However, there is something that she loves and that is bath time and I only have to put my head around the bedroom door and call BATHTIME and she is up and out of bed and undressing herself to get in the bath.
Forcing Beauty never seems to work.

I also find that arguing with her never works.
When she sees her school dress after bathing she frequently starts shouting NO SCHOOL and I totally ignore it, if I didn't she would just repeat NO SCHOOL no matter what I replied. I help her to dress and sit her at the breakfast table for he breakfast and carry on as nothing has happened.If Beauty had been a normally developing child her favourite phrase would have been BUT WHY .
The girls will vouch for this because when they are on the phone they complain of Beauty's noise and they say they cannot concentrate and I say WHAT NOISE?
Many males can be like this.
How many males out there think that they have "won an argument" but yet the woman went on to do what she felt was right anyway?
I am in no way saying that men and children on the autistic spectrum are stupid.....far from it.
It is because of their high level of intelligence that such subtlety has to be used.
The point I am making is that dealing with men and children on the autistic spectrum , there needs to be a similar approach and Professor Baron-Cohen's research has a lot of truth in it.
However, to prove that this is just the opinion of a mother of a child with autism(who most of the time suffers from sleep deprivation due to her child's inability to sleep properly!!!!) I also think that children and dogs need to be brought up in a similar way.
I have watched Dog Borstal ( and Mic is brilliant)and strength ,love ,organisation and reward are the best ways for dogs and children.
Though I am not sure Beauty would go for the doggy treats.

JUST SAY HI

2010-09-26T07:53:00.002+01:00

Just a little note for Sunday.
I have a STAT COUNTER here on my blog and you can see it down on the right hand side of the front page.
It is something I look at every few days or so and I find the information really interesting.
I have never had over 200 hits in a day and that is not a problem as this blog was never meant to be more than a journal for me and my girls and friends.
However, the one thing that fascinates me is WHO ARE THE OTHERS that visit my site regularly?
Most people I can guess because of their locations but others just have me wondering constantly.
Who in Israel reads my every new entry?
The girls have a cousin there but I can't see him being interested.
And who in the Yorkshire Dales likes to read of my mundane life.(I know it is not you David as you show up closer to your home)
And London and Texas and Germany!
And they are not just random readers.
They read all the time and they go straight to my site and are not directed through one of the Autism sites.
Truly we are a Global village and I love it.
For a woman who did not leave the UK for the first time until she was 38,I love this ability to communicate EVERYWHERE.
My Blog makes me think about my favourite book THE CHRYSALIDS.
I know I have whittered on about it before but for those who have not heard me expound on how brilliant it is before,here is a brief synopsis.
It is set in a post apocalyptical future, after a nuclear war.
The society is basically set in the middle ages in lots of ways.
One of the main themes is that the society is religious and some are more fundamental than others.
There are laws which state what mankind can and cannot look like ...i.e how many hands, length of bones, number of fingers etc...... and deviants are sent to live in the badlands as they are a sin against God.But NORMALITY is difficult to achieve due to the radiation that still lingers from the war.
However, a group of telepaths have evolved and whilst the powers that be think they exist , they are not sure and are pursuing them.
But the main character who is a telepath talks of those other telepaths he can talk to in his head and understand and others who are either further away and cannot be heard or those who do not fully understand their capabilities and are not able to be any more telepathic than a few ghost whispers that they might transmit in times of distress.
And how does the idiot woman see this in relation to her blog I am sure you are asking?
It is all about communication.
Whilst computers were invented before John Wyndham wrote his book The Chrysalids, could he have ever imagined the capabilities that actually come from them and their ability to communicate with others in the far reaches of the world?
I don't know but when ever I go online I feel there are different ways that I communicate to others that resemble Wyndhams telepaths.
I talk and see directly through SKYPE and at other times I INSTANT MESSAGE and at other times I just EMAIL.
Some people I speak to in REAL LIFE and are current friends and family, whilst others I have only met on ONLINE and will probably never meet face-to-face.
It is all about levels of communication.
In the book, one of the characters says that to be married to someone who was not telepathic would not be something he could contemplate as they would not be able to fully communicate their feelings for each other and I know what he means.
I would not want to go back to a time when I could not communicate as freely around the world as I do now.Yes I am a Luddite in many ways but only because I am crap at making technology work but the thought of NOT being able to communicate with my family and friends whenever I need to is just a scary thought.
Whilst I love to write letters and do, to have to go back to relying on that for communication would be impossible for my mind to comprehend or want to accept.
Honestly, who has not felt some anxiety when their Internet connection went down?
C S Lewis wrote WE READ TO KNOW WE ARE NOT ALONE.
I think it is a way of describing our need to reach out and feel that someone is there, even if we do not see SOMEONE,to know we are not alone.
Therefore to paraphrase Ephesians 2:19 BE YE NO MORE STRANGERS.
If you like to read my blog then stop and say HELLO ,I would love to hear from you.

ANOTHER SATURDAY POSTCARD FROM HOME

2010-09-25T20:33:00.012+01:00

BEAUTY AND HER SISTERS

28-04-07 The last time my girls were all together

Me and Beauty at Roath Park

Belle and Beauty
Belle's Graduation Day

Beauty

The girls at St Fagans 2007

Christmas

On HODILAY

SnoWhite and Beauty

Beauty Baking

Ariel and Beauty

Beauty and Ariel

Fiona and Beauty at school

TEN THINGS I HAVE LEARNED IN MY LIFE SO FAR.........

2010-09-24T10:37:00.014+01:00

1 The rain will pour at school run time,shop assistants will say when you take something back WELL NO ONE HAS EVER COMPLAINED BEFORE and last but not least, MEN WILL LIE TO YOU!
Accept it and get over it.
They cannot help it, it is a design flaw.
If their lips are moving, there is a good chance they are lying to you.
And why do they lie?
Because we as women have let them get away with it.
So why on earth would we do something so stupid?
Because many women fear the confrontation and also possibly losing the man.
Yet why do we women turn men into the Gods that they are not?
Probably because men need to be adored to feel complete, something we mothers taught them as children and in doing so ruined them for the poor woman they end up with!
But the upside is that most men seem to be totally unaware that their women KNOW THEY ARE LYING. Unaware that we are actually ALLOWING them to do what they do
because it is easier and it keeps them happy.
But yes there is an upside......treat this species of animal considerately and they will adore you like a new puppy loves its owner.
Feed them, keep them clean and warm and very much loved and they will dote on you.....most of the time.......well a lot of the time.......or possibly only some of the time but they can be worth the effort!
Please remember.......no animals were hurt in the writing of this piece and it is of course a gross generalisation and merely my own opinion!

2
Children will grow up and leave home and break your hearts because they are no longer sweet cuddly babies!
When my children were born they failed to read the small print which said that they had to stay a baby for always......Well apart from Beauty who will always be a baby in lots of ways.
They were not meant to go to school,be a Brownie,go to university, fall in love, get married but hey .....the grand babies will be ok when they arrive!

3 In reality, your own parents were as clueless as we were when dealing with screaming babies and child rearing,that's the deal......it was not their fault or ours.
It was meant to be that way!
Every parent had to learn to be a parent on the job, there is never any real work experience.
However, we do now have SuperNanny and all I can say is that if there had been somebody like her around when my girls were little they would not have had to deal with such a psychotic, useless mother.
SuperNanny has been my Guru for lots of Beauty's problems.
Just remember though, you are your child's expert, no one else.

4 You have a body that is uniquely yours
Sometimes it will be fatter, sometimes it will be thinner.
Sometimes you will believe you look like a Super Model(after a few drinks maybe) other times you will be convinced you look like Pat Butcher but at the end of the day you are always you and remember significant others come and go but you will always end up in bed with yourself SO LOVE YOURSELF.
Would you really want to be in bed with someone you didn't love?

5 That money will not make you happy.
I know it can make life comfortable and you will be secure but think of all those famous, wealthy celebrities who took their own lives.
It didn't mean much to them.
However, offer me a nice house with a big garden for Beauty and I would snap it up. But what can I say?
I am only human.....and honest!

6 Never let your dreams escape.
They are what make you who you are.
You may not achieve everything you want straight away but keep them polished and shiney.
I will finish my masters one day.
I will cruise the Nile.
I will tell the woman who told me I was fat that she is fatter than me!
Well.....two out of three ain't bad!

7 Sex is just Sex!
It can be wonderful and joyous and perfect!!!!!
But it can also be boring and not just a little tedious.
Do not enshrine it as the wonderment of your life.
When you one day realise that you would rather do the laundry or wash the car then you have truly arrived.
You have become a true adult and sex is in its rightful place.
And that is , that there is a time and place for it.
And sex is not love but just an expression of it.

8 You will have regrets and it is just not possible to forget all your mistakes.Just say WHAT WAS I THINKING(or not as the case maybe!) and walk away.
IT is important to have dated,lived with or married a total idiot because then you will truly appreciate the perfect person you meet and fall in love with who is not a complete idiot.
As passé as it sounds it is important to have EXPERIENCED THE BITTER TO KNOW THE SWEET.
And by experiencing these mistakes , you will learn a lot about yourself, I have.
Mostly that I have poor judgement skills when it comes to at least 50% of the men I have ever known.
The other 50% are probably just grateful that they escaped from such a crazy woman.

9 You will not be forever young and you will grow old.Now I am sorry but I was never meant to be 49 with arthritis and walk like I have a 'rod up my arse' as one of my delightsome daughters so sweetly described it.
I was never meant to be 49 going on 50.
Like everyone else I was meant to be young and beautiful(well I was never that but it is nice to dream) and always in the prime of my life.
So take care of your body as you will need it to be healthy so much more as you grow older.
You want to be one of those people in their 70's and 80's who go snow boarding and not like me with walking sticks, even if they are very attractive with stars and moons on them.

10 And last but I feel so important.
Do not take what you are told as gospel.
Just because some one says something is a truth long enough does not make it so.
Find your own way in life.
Be your own guide.
Find your own path.
Be true only to yourself and then everything you will do will be right and just.
Which means that you will seek to make yourself happy which is the only way you can make anyone else happy and make the world around you a better place.

I conclusion, these are things I have learned over the years but do I practice my own ideals all the time?
I try but fail on a daily basis but the important thing is that after you fall you get up and start again....it is the only way.

SATURDAY POSTCARD FROM HOME

2010-09-18T12:09:00.009+01:00

Hi Girls
I was just thinking that I haven't done a Saturday Postcard from home for a long time so I thought that today might be a good day to re-start.
I had WI-FI installed this week so I am able to use my netbook whilst Beauty is on the main computer which is good news for me.
I have been really tired this week as I have had a problem with anaemia so it has been a good excuse to sit and write and of course use the computer.
Whilst on the netbok I have come across photos that are not so recent and I thought you might like to see them.

Guess what day this photgraph was taken?
ST DAVID'S DAY

BONFIRE NIGHT!

BUZZY BEE, MISERABLE LITTLE BUNNY!

NOT LONG AND IT WILL BE BACK

A TUTU THAT I MADE FOR BEAUTY

SNOWHITE SLEEPING AT ONE OF OUR SUMMER PICNICS

ME ON HOLIDAY IN THE CANARIES

BEAUTY, ALSO ON HOLIDAY IN THE CANARIES

SLEEPING BEAUTY

BENIDORM OLD TOWN

IT'S THE LITTLE THINGS

2010-09-16T13:06:00.021+01:00

Well, the sun shone this morning and it seems as if the nice weather is back.
Obviously a chilly start considering the time of year but the rest of the day turned out to be nice and warm.

Back to the Hollies photograph.

Beauty is loving being back at school.

I read this recently and I copied it and put it on my mirror so I would constantly see it and reflect upon it.

The Dalai Lama's Recommendations for You

I N S T R U C T I O N S F O R L I F E

1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
2. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
3. Follow the three Rs:
Respect for self
Respect for others and
Responsibility for all your actions.
4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
6. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
7. When you realise you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
8. Spend some time alone every day.
9. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.
10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
11. Live a good, honourable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll be able to enjoy it a second time.
12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.
14. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.
15. Be gentle with the earth.
16. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.
17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
19. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon

1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

Mmmmm!
Perhaps I am getting cynical with old age but I personally wonder if any love , no matter how great, is worth the effort
Of course I am not taking about the unconditional love we have for our family, especially our children.

However, guess how old I was when I wrote this in one of my journals?

Deep is the stream
Where flows a love
That time will stop
And lie down for.
19......No, just kidding.
The answer is 49.
So do we ever lose that desire?
Probably not, we just store it away and let it collect dust because it is easier.
I think that the problem is that we find it easier to do nothing and let life pass us by.

And it is easier not to get your heart broken

So if great love requires great risk then so do great achievements.

But because we think of 'great achievements' as being something that is so unobtainable and 'surely must take a lot of effort' we fail to do anything at all.

I truly believe my greatest achievements in life have nothing to do with any qualifications I may have acquired or any professional distinction I may have achieved.I believe my achievements lie in the ordinary but even the ordinary is not easy but takes super human effort at times.

In the book the Bell family by Noel Streatfeild, Ginnie the daughter of a vicar in the East End of London comes to realise that life is not about performing heroic deeds but about the small achievements that we make daily.

Personally, when I think about great love and great achievements I think of the following poem

Ithaka by Constantine P. Cavafy

As you set out for Ithaka
hope your road is a long one,
full of adventure, full of discovery.
Laistrygonians, Cyclops,
angry Poseidon-don't be afraid of them:
you'll never find things like that on your way
as long as you keep your thoughts raised high,
as long as a rare excitement
stirs your spirit and your body.
Laistrygonians, Cyclops,
wild Poseidon-you won't encounter them
unless you bring them along inside your soul,
unless your soul sets them up in front of you.

Hope your road is a long one.
May there be many summer mornings when,
with what pleasure, what joy,
you enter harbors you're seeing for the first time;
may you stop at Phoenician trading stations
to buy fine things,
mother of pearl and coral, amber and ebony,
sensual perfume of every kind-
as many sensual perfumes as you can;
and may you visit many Egyptian cities
to learn and go on learning from their scholars.

Keep Ithaka always in your mind.
Arriving there is what you're destined for.
But don't hurry the journey at all.
Better if it lasts for years,
so you're old by the time you reach the island,
wealthy with all you've gained on the way,
not expecting Ithaka to make you rich.
Ithaka gave you the marvelous journey.
Without her you wouldn't have set out.
She has nothing left to give you now.

And if you find her poor, Ithaka won't have fooled you.
Wise as you will have become, so full of experience,
you'll have understood by then what these Ithakas mean

The destination of the journey is Ithaka. Ithaka is the island off the western coast of Greece to which Odysseus returned after the Trojan war. Odysseus’s journey was a long and difficult one. It was ten years before he was able to rejoin his wife Penelope in Ithaka. However, Ithaka in this poem can also be understood as the destination of any journey, and it can be further understood metaphorically as a journey through life.

Is there no greater love than this or no greater achievements?

I think perhaps there is.

The mother who leaves the house at 5am to do a second cleaning job just to pay for food everyday before her fulltime job.

The carerer/nurse who washes patients day in day out and changes their soiled bed linen.

The man who cleans the streets.

The teacher who spends hours teaching children to read and write.

The day in day out essential jobs that others don't always give true recognition to.

My special recognition goes to the RAC man who came out when my tyre exploded in the Civic Centre.He spent the entire time he fixed the car talking and stimming with Beauty.A sight to behold indeed, a 6 foot plus large built guy bouncing up and down stimming next to Beauty!

It seems his son is also AUTISTIC.

My belief is that there is greatness in the little things.
The only true greatness.

ANOTHER CHAPTER CLOSES.

2010-09-16T03:45:00.010+01:00

Yesterday it was Beauty who was awake at 3.30am who couldn't sleep and today it is me.

I have a nasty little sucker of a headache and I am afraid it might be of the 'only a good puke will relieve this' kind of headache!

I was meant to got to University with regards to my dissertation yesterday evening but puking over a tutor is NEVER a good idea!

However, what I did manage to do was take Fiona to University and install her in her new halls of residence Tŷ Pont Haearn.

Fiona is about to start a degree in Fashion at The Atrium in Cardiff.

It was oddly moving in a way that it hadn't been with any of her sisters when I took Fiona to University.

When I took Anastasia I was very pregnant with Beauty and that had been quite emotional but in a different way.Anastasia had worked the summer as an au pair in Cornwall and the first empty nesting pains had happened then, so by the time she went to the University of Bath she was really looking forward to it.
Definitely no leaving home for the first time tears!

Belle was confident and bubbly about her going to uni and HEY......it was in Swansea!

Well known territory.

Snowhite was and is a Boomerang child and will never be too far from home for too long.As she did a foundation year in Art at UWIC she did not leave home and then in her first year she went into a privately rented house.
Totally different ball game.
And when Snowhite started her second degree!!!!!!!.......well she knew the University of Newport quite well because she had studied in the library whist doing her A levels when I had done my Masters degree.

Ariel, well what can I say?
Ariel had spent lots of time away from home due to school trips, Army Cadet trips and Language School in Geneva one summer and she went into fully-catered Holland Hall at Exeter University so it felt like one more adventure and she was thrilled to be there.

But Fiona, whilst she would not think it was any different , for me it is
Fiona was my baby for 9 years until Beauty was born after I married again.She will always be her Dad's baby of course!!!!
Fiona at 19 seems oddly grown up compared to the other girls I saw moving in and at 19 she is 'oddly' more mature than her sister Ariel!
Ariel admits this herself.

I write snatches of thought, sometimes poetry, all the time, in little notebooks scattered around my life.
I wrote this whilst Fiona was moving her things into her university residence.

My baby leaves home
not for foreign climes
another chapter closes
we have done this five times.

And as for Beauty.... who knows what course her life will take!
Perhaps that is why it feels so different!
Here I am with Beauty who is profoundly autistic and I have no way of knowing what the future will bring for her.
Beauty received a provisional diagnosis at an exceptionally early age,
she was 9 months old and she received a full diagnosis from Professor Fraser when she was approximately 22 months.
And the worst bit for me was the fact that I didn't even notice that she had a problem of any kind.
She was referred to the consultant by a doctor who had noticed problems when she failed her hearing tests a number of times.
My beautiful, lovely girl had problems and I had not noticed a thing.
She was 9 months old and I was a nurse and the mother of 5 normally developing girls and had not noticed a thing.
A few of days ago it all came to a head when I took Beauty to run in the Cardiff 2K.Many people, adults and children were staring at her because she was different and it really upset me.
I wrote this the following day.

Winter came early that year
No autumn winds
Blew the last
Smells of summer
Across lawns dancing
With golden lights on
Gluttering leaves.
And no Indian summer
Sun shone it's last
Rays of sunshine
On little children
Playing in the dried
Grass of the last
Lawn cuts of summer.
But only cold winds blew
And rains fell,
And bleakness
Was all around
And it encompassed me.
AJWH

The last 9 years have been a journey of discovery for me.
A spiritual journey to find my own answers and my own way.
I am a more spiritual person than I was when I joined the church 34 years ago yet I still do not have the answers.
Though I would confess to my life experiences having made me a deeper, more spiritual person(not religious though!!!) .
But hey...who isn't going to become more inwardly reflective when you lose a baby and then you are widowed and lose both your parents within 18 months.
I would love to believe in a God and a next life and being with my family in an eternal heaven but my mind says NO and will just not let me believe it.
So my only other option is to be true to myself and live a life the best I can and hope that if there turns out to be a God then he will be a kind God who will say to me that even though I did not live a life worshipping him,I still lived a good life.
And for that I will be blessed.
In the book The Last Battle by C S Lewis , Lewis writes at the end of the story

'Aslan appears, and as they watch at the stable door, all of the people and animals, including those who had previously died, gather outside the barn and are judged by Aslan. Those who have been loyal to Aslan or the morality upheld by Narnians join Aslan in Aslan's Country.'

And there is a Calormen soldier who is also blessed but he does not understand why Aslan blesses him because as he declares he has worshipped Tash all his days.

However, Aslan explains that whilst he served another , he led a good life and it was as if he served him and so he would be blessed.

So that is my hope,if there is a God then he will be equally as kind.

FOOD GLORIOUS FOOD!

2010-09-14T05:28:00.005+01:00

Growing up in the 60's it would be fair to say that that being hungry quite frequently was a significant part of the memories that I have.
I loved food but I never was able to get quite enough of it and until I was 25 I looked as if I was anorexic.
My bones literally stuck out and the bones of my spine were very pronounced. But boy did I eat from the time that I was living on my own but it was mostly my beloved friends.....CARBS!
I remember a professional explaining to me the theory of famine and feast that occurred in families with limited income(and I know she could be reading this and I want to thank her for enlightening me).
Before I go on however, I would say that the situation has changed somewhat due to the availability of cheaper foods.
But what I was told was that small children have little choice and grow up eating what they are given and that can be very small amounts so they are constantly hungry.
However, the situation changes as they grow older and became more vocal and have a voice of their own.Then they demand food and they go from undernourished children to over-fed teens and obese adults.
I know that I definitely went through that and my body still has not come to terms with finding a healthy, stable weight.

Last night I watched a report on Humanae Vitae

Humanae Vitae (Latin "Of Human Life") is an encyclical written by Pope Paul VI and promulgated on July 25, 1968. Subtitled "On the Regulation of Birth", it re-affirms the traditional teaching of the Catholic Church regarding abortion, contraception, and other issues pertaining to human life.
Mainly because of its prohibition of all forms of artificial contraception, the encyclical has been controversial.

that was presented by activist Peter Tatchell
and it discussed as part of the presentation the situation of Catholic families in the Philippines and it case studied a woman called Vilma who had 9 living children(2 had died)and she was pregnant again and they lived in poverty and squalor.
The church and local Bishops and priests had told them they were not allowed to limit their families through artificial means because it would be a sin to do so.
They lived in abject poverty in a slum area and they earned their living by scavenging through the local dump for plastic and they earned barely enough money for the family to survive. Their diet appeared to be mostly rice.
Even though there was rice coming into the family the mother stated that there were often times when there was not enough for her to eat .
This is one thing I remember about my own mother, there were times when she did not eat and I dedicate my writing today to her.
Going back to Peter Tatchel's presentation however, I want my family who are equally split between the membership in the Catholic Church and the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints that my words here are purely personal and NOT a reflection upon you as individuals.
I totally , 100% believe that a religious doctrine(or dogma) that condemns the use of condoms to prevent sexually transmitted diseases and prevent pregnancy is wrong. Even though the following statement will make me sound like a hypocrite, I also believe that abortion should be freely available and the woman be allowed control over her own body and make her own choices.
It is not for me to make or influence her choices.
I have personally given birth 7 times and would NEVER have considered an abortion and even if I had been told of Beauty's condition prior to birth, I still would not have considered an abortion.
Beauty is my happiest ,most care free child and so far she has had a wonderfully loving life.
But these are my choices, I would never impose them on anyone else.
From the time my girls were able to understand, I have told them that if they got pregnant, no matter how young they were or whatever the situation, to tell me and I would be happy and totally support them with their choice.
Obviously they knew my own choice would be to keep the child, they still knew that I would support what they chose.
I do not believe that we should blindly accept that is right for children to be born into squalor and poverty and to die in pain and suffering.

Now I am sure that the official organisation that is the Catholic church would say that my beliefs are wrong and are a sin but I do not understand how they can be.
They are truly what I believe and I cannot make myself believe any other way but yet GOD created me this way so surely what I believe must be right and true, logically it cannot be any other way.
I also believe that when a human is born their sexuality is who they are, they do not decide to become gay and so they are not 'sinners'.
I personally cannot believe that the situation in developing countries , where religion makes choices for the people that poverty, hunger, pain, inequality and suffering is right.
My mind will not let me think any other way.
Therefore, if there is a God and there is a heaven, then all I will be able to say if there is a judgement day

I DID WHAT I THOUGHT WAS RIGHT

To carry on , no longer on global inequalities but on a more personal level,Beauty has a Selective Eating Disorder.

Selective Eating Disorder (SED) (also known as picky or fussy eating, or perseverative feeding disorder) is an eating disorder that prevents the consumption of certain foods. It is often viewed as a phase of childhood that is generally overcome with age. Children may not grow out of being a picky eater, however, and may continue to be afflicted with SED throughout their adult lives
SED is common in young people with autistic spectrum disorders

Beauty has made her own choices as far as food is concerned and has only a limited range of what she will eat and most of them are a GOLDEN COLOUR which seems to define what she will or will not eat.

She is a tall girl but she is regularly seen and weighed by a consultant who says her height and weight are within normal limits but I do still worry especially due to her hypermobilty and the hypermobility and arthritis that I have.I also worry because I am large person and am predisposed to putting on weight which is obviously not good for someone with the health problems that I have.Because of this,I am constantly worried about what she eats and the exercise that she gets.In one way her hyperactivity is a good thing because I think it gets rid of a lot of excess calories during the day and helps to keep her fit!I am therefore very interested in any programs I can watch on TV about children and healthy eating and last night and I watched Jamie Oliver's new program .

ABC Television Network - "Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution"
Jamie Oliver is here to start a revolution. The impassioned chef, TV personality and best-selling author is determined to take on the high statistics of obesity, heart disease and diabetes in this country, where our nation's children are the first generation not expected to live as long as their parents. Jamie is inviting viewers to take a stand and change the way America eats, in our home kitchens, schools and workplaces, with the thought-provoking new series, "Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution,"

And from the outset I was embarrassed and I could understand why the locals were asking

WHY ARE YOU HERE?

I have to admit though that I would have been tempted to tell him to bog off and put his own house in order(the UK)if I had been one of the cooks.
Jamies first issue was with the children eating pizza for breakfast.
Now I personally think that Jamie got too hung up on the fact that he had never seen pizza for breakfast.Whenever I have seen Gillian McKeith's program I have always felt that her biggest problem was failing to engage the children. Don't give them slop for breakfast....give them what they like.
Pizza can be good, it just needs to be produced as a healthy option.
Less fat,less preservatives and generally less of all the other rubbish it can contain but YES it can be good.I feel he should have focussed on what the children wanted.
My purpose here in discussing Jamie's program is that I feel you cannot judge a whole community,town, city, country from one point of view .I believe that the problems with healthy eating are different for everyone and I believe that real change can only come from central government initiatives.
Standards should be set and maintained regarding food to ensure that only good, safe, healthy food is entering the market and healthy eating taught from an early age for everyone and more exercise promoted.No this is not a magic wand solution, it never can be as we as humans should have our own free agency to decide about our own lives.

And from this......what am I saying?

Well there appears to be a lot of different things discussed here but I feel they are all saying and I want to reiterate what they are saying and that is

ENDOW US WITH DIGNITY

IT IS OUR RIGHT

FIRST RACE!

2010-09-13T06:47:00.005+01:00

Yesterday was Beauty's first race.
She ran a 2k for Kidney Research around the Cardiff Civic centre and she had an amazing time.

I however was the one who was not so happy.
People just do not seem to understand that it is rude to stare and adults are the worst.
Children are not so bad but even they can be a pain when they follow you just to stare.
The ones who cause me most pain are the ones pushing babies who for all intents and purposes look perfect.I am grateful that their babies are perfect but when they stare too long I just want to stop these people and ask why they are staring.
What a lot of parents of small children do not realise is that YES YOUR CHILD MAY SEEM PERFECT NOW BUT THEY COULD TURN OUT TO BE JUST LIKE MY CHILD!
But I don't and I say to myself MUST TRY HARDER.

The giveaway sign that Beauty is different.....her stimming.

When I read this story in May, I felt shock and anger that this mother got to the stage where she felt there were no other alternatives for her AND HER CHILD!
In one article, I read that she found great difficulty dealing with the way other people stared and the way her son was treated by others when she was out.
And I wanted to say I KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL.
But I must clarify here and now that what she did is not anything I could EVER contemplate.
I want more than anything to believe in God but I CANNOT MAKE IT SO and that makes me really sad but what it does mean is that I do not believe in an after life (another thing I would like to be true but can't make myself believe)and so I believe you have just one life that you should enjoy as long and as best you can.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2010/may/17/murder-of-boy-11-mother-charged
Mother charged with murder of disabled son, 11South Wales police say child may have died 48 hours before body was discovered
(5)Tweet this (5)Vikram Dodd guardian.co.uk, Monday 17 May 2010 20.16 BST Article historyA mother was today charged with the murder of her 11-year-old disabled son who was found dead in a hotel room.

Police say they believe the child may have died up to 48 hours before his body was discovered. It is reported the child had severe autism, and that his mother was found sitting with his body.

South Wales police named the boy as Glen Freaney from the Penarth area in the Vale of Glamorgan.

His mother, Yvonne Freaney, 48, was arrested after her son was found dead at the Sky Plaza hotel near Cardiff airport on Saturday, after friends and relatives raised concerns about the child's safety

I read this story and just wish there had been someone there for her at that last moment when she felt that there was no one else she could turn to.

ON BEING MARTHA.

2010-08-07T06:37:00.013+01:00

Being the old fashioned,traditional busy body that I am, one of things that I noticed in the USA when we visited last summer was the use of tumble dryers.
Whilst I have one, I try never to use mine but the family we stayed with seemed to use theirs constantly and it seemed to be that it was not because they were lazy in any way, it just seemed that this was the cultural norm.
There are a number of reasons why I do not use my dryer and
the main reason has to be because it is GREEN.
However, scratch the surface and I would be the first to admit that I do it because I am MEAN rather than GREEN!
Hey, I would rather waste my money on what I want to waste my money on that line the pockets of power companies with their fat bonuses and profits.
Living in green and beautiful Wales does not make eco living that easy because one of the main reasons that Wales is so green is because of the RAIN.
BUT since making a decision to be more eco-friendly with regards to my laundry, I have more than halved my electricity usage which means more money for me and less for the electricity company.
Wherever possible, I put my laundry outside on the washing line to dry and even in winter, if it isn't raining then the washing goes on the line

I found that being a visitor in another persons house very difficult because I did not want to use the tumble dryer because I knew how much money it was costing and they thought it was strange that I did not want to use the tumble dryer.

I also wanted to do everything myself , washing, cleaning and cooking so I would not be an added burden and to show my gratitude at their hospitality.

I also try not to use the tumble dryer because over time it damages clothes.

This is the lint taken from the lint trap in my tumble dryer.
When I used to dry daily, this was the amount that I would take from the lint trap daily.
This amount is from weeks of 5 minute dryings.
Now that cannot be good for your clothes.

Not using a tumble dryer is something that takes organisation and once you get into the routine of it then it isno more hard work than using a tumble dryer except you save money on electricity and your clothes last longer!

If it is not raining then the clothes go on the washing line in the back garden but if it rains then they go on the dryer in the shower room.

It was difficult to photograph this room but beyond the dryer where the toilet and shower is it is quite spacious.

I usuall finish off the clothes on the iron cycle in the tumble dryer for 5 minutes and then most things do not need ironing.....which of course I love!
But then of course there is over the door drying.
This is usually reserved for throws.
All my sofas etc are covered in throws because Beauty is a mucky pup and these have to be washed weekly.....even in winter.
Hence the need for doors!

They also take 5 minutes in the dryer but usually these have dried overnight so very little time needed there.

I also hang dry things from doors(who doesn't?)

SOAKING!
I ALWAYS seem to have something soaking of Beauty's in the kitchen
Laundry is my LIFE!

I am a proper MRS RUGGLES!

Talking of mucky pups(we were I promise!), APRONS or a pinny as we call them.

A 'must have' Beauty otherwise I just would not get the washing clean and it also saves so much washing.

Routine has definitely been the answer when it comes to laundry in my house.

I have a designated ironing corner and thankfully I have enough room to keep the ironing board up all the time so it is always ready to use.

And close by is the ironing basket which is affectionately called the Magic Porridge Pot because it is ALWAYS full.
I don't think people realise how much physical work it takes to keep one 9 year old clean and tidy!

Then next to the ironing is a wardrobe.
YES, I have a wardrobe downstairs and it is a life saver.
With the spinal arthritis that I have it has become increasingly painful to be going up and downstairs so the majority of Beauty and my clothes I keep upstairs but our everyday clothes I keep in a wardrobe in the back kitchen and it is wonderful to be able to iron our clothes and put them straight away.It is also wonderful when you have such a messy child to be able to have
instant access to clean clothes.

That's right, as you can see from the picture ,I have a wardrobe next to my freezer in the kitchen!!!!!!

However,some things have to be put away upsairs and this is where it is stored until I go upstairs next.
On a table in the hall.

I know that a lot of people who read this will think OH IT IS QUICKER IN THE TUMBLE DRYER but I can honestly say from experience that it really isn't and I certainly find that this method produces a lot less ironing.

Having Beauty, who has a sincere desire to be dirty all the time, the biggest problem I find with laundry is the constant nature of it.

I wonder how my ancestors would have coped with Beauty.

On a bad day , the washing machine is going constantly and I only use a short eco-wash!

I would like to write more BUT the 9 year old is out of bed and insisting on checking out The Sesame Street site on the computer!

THE THREE BEARS

2010-07-25T01:54:00.013+01:00

Here is my little destroying angel, after this evenings reign of destruction and just before bed.

I am awake and cannot sleep but so far I am not too concerned as I feel like I slept for three quarters of yesterday and I actually feel so much better for it.

Beauty is asleep and even though I am awake,it is not nearly as bad as HAVING to be awake.

Here is a picture of Beauty which looks as if she is ready and waiting in the starting blocks, ready for the starter`s gun to be shot so that she can burst forth into more trouble and fun.

Which usually means fun for her and trouble for me!

As I couldn`t sleep`, I decided to read one of my Creative Writing Text books and one assignment that I found was to write your own version of a famous story.It is hardly on the level of Ten Things I Hate About You but as The Three Bears is one of Beauty`s Favourites, I thought that I would have a go at re-writing that.
Each time that I tell Beauty the story it changes slightly and she seems to like that so here goes.

Goldilocks And The Three Bears.

Once upon a time there were 3 bears who lived in a nice house in a nice town and baby bear went to a nice school.
Daddy bear worked for the civil service and used his flexi-time so that Mummy bear could stay in bed in the morning whilst Daddy bear took Baby bear to school because if Daddy bear left it to Mummy bear then Baby bear would get to school without having had breakfast and Mummy bear would still be in her PJ`s.
One Saturday morning, at about 11am when Mummy bear was making the porridge for breakfast( she hadn`t long got up), Daddy bear suggested that they go for a walk whilst the porridge cooled down.
Daddy`s real motive however was not for the porridge to cool down but he hoped that if they went for a walk then there was always the possibility that the house might get broken in to and the porridge stolen as Mummy was not very good at making porridge! It usually ended up black and crunchy and smelling like toffee which Baby bear didn`t mind so much as he quite liked toffee but Daddy was different.
He went to church every Sunday and really believed that one day his prayers would be answered with regards to the porridge which was that someone would steal it or a house fairy would get lost and end up in their house and throw it in the bin!
So off they went for a walk, well they got as far as the car and Daddy bear said “ LETS GO FOR A DRIVE INSTEAD”. So they all piled in the car and that is what hey did.
And whilst they were out, guess who should come along but…..The Postman!
And then came the Gas man and finally just when the poor house thought it was going to get a moments peace, who should come along but Goldilocks.
Though why a child under the age of 10 was out wandering on her own has always been a concern to me…..did her parents know where she was or did they even care!
Mmmm…..worrying!
Anyway, back to the story.
Goldilocks knocked on the door but there was no answer and so she knocked again but there was still no answer and the third time when there was no answer she thought TO HECK WITH THIS and tried the door handle and lo and behold it was open and in she went.
I am sorry but I think that this is a case for Supernanny, this child is wandering here there and everywhere and going in other peoples houses as she pleases.
I think Goldilocks mummy needs a good slap.
On entering the house , Goldilocks found herself in the kitchen and there on the table she found 3 bowls of porridge.
And she sat down and started to eat them!
Lets see, wandering trespassing and now stealing by consumption!
Though I am sure Goldilocks didn`t see it that way.
First she tried Daddy bears porridge but that had too many black bits in it and Mummy bears bowl didn`t have much in it at all as she was on a diet but Baby bears porridge was perfect so Goldilocks ate it all up.
Feeling tired, Goldilocks decided to sit down but she thought Daddy bears chair smelt like and old dog or bear so she thought NOT A CHANCE! Then Mummy bears was not much better as it was a Kartell Louis Ghost Chair and Goldilocks thought that it looked too uncomfortable to sit on so she tried Baby bears chair which was a small wooden rocking chair which turned out to be very comfortable.
So she rocked and rocked and she rocked until she broke it and thinking Ooops! She went up stairs without a second thought.
So now we have wandering, trespass, stealing by consumption and finally vandalism!
So totally unaware of having done anything wrong(sounds like a bit of a sociopath to me) Goldilocks went upstairs and thought A LITTLE REST WOULD BE GOOD. So first of all she went to try Daddy bears bed but again it smelt of wet dog or old bear so she thought NO!
And Mummy bears bed was a water bed and again Goldilocks thought NO, I GET SEA SICK! So she took one look at Baby bears bed and thought PERFECT(nothing exciting, just a nice ordinary divan!). Jumped on and fell asleep immediately.
And whilst she was asleep who should come back but The Three Bears, Grumpy Daddy bear(they had stopped at the shop for some milk and run into Brian from work who had proceed to tell him , quoting evidence, WHY milk was not good for him!), Pj wearing Mummy Bear and very hungry Baby bear.
On seeing the door open ,Daddy thought OH YES, MY PRAYERS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED AND THE PORRIDGE HAS BEEN STOLEN but was very disappointed to see that his porridge was untouched and so was Mummy bears porridge BUT Baby bears porridge was all gone and Baby bear was very sad and not a little hungry!
And then Baby bear noticed his chair was broken and started to cry but daddy bear couldn`t understand why someone had not sat in his chair especially as it smelt so nice. And as for Mummy bear, she was just grateful that someone had not sat in her a Kartell Louis Ghost Chair and went straight away to get the polish and duster to make sure it was still clean and sparkling! So Daddy Bear
suggested that they go and check out the rest of the house which they did.
And yet again Daddy bear was surprised that nobody had tried sleeping in his sweetly smelling bed and Mummy bear was relieved that nobody had tried her water bed …..CHEEK IF THEY HAD she thought!
But Baby bear who was still crying said “SOMEONES BEEN SLEEPING IN MY BED AND THEY ARE STILL THERE“!
And they all looked to Baby bears bed and there was Goldilocks, fast asleep.
But Baby bear was not too pleased and stomped to the bed and gave Goldilocks a shove and woke her up.
Goldilocks sat up in shock and Baby bear struck a pose and shouted ”I KNOW KUNG FU“!
To which Goldilocks replied “YOU HAVE SO GOT TO BE A FEW FRIES SHORT OF A HAPPY MEAL” as she picked up Baby bear and deposited on top of the wardrobe as she jumped out of the window and ran all the way home!

AND THE MORAL OF THE STORY should be to respect the privacy and property of others but if you are a petty thief then just take what you can carry and leave because if you stay and sleep you will get caught.
And remember Goldilocks and The Three Bears is a fairy story because if you mess with the bears stuff and eat their food and sleep in their bed THEY WILL EAT YOU.
Goldilocks was LUCKY!

THE END

THE TABLE IN MY KITCHEN

2010-07-24T19:26:00.007+01:00

Lack of inspiration is usually the reason that I do not write but today I got out my writing textbooks and looked for some ideas.

I found an assignment which suggested writing about the things on my kitchen table.

The result.

The table in my kitchen

Is filled with many things,

With things as large as bread machines

And others as small as rings.

I have a magnifying mirror

To make up my pretty (!) face,

First thing in the morning

When I feel I`ve just run a very long race.

A marrow and a record player

A sock and phone and lid,

Books and bowls and table cloth

And washing that I did.

A spoon, a tea towel, chopping board and pencil

And a rubber for my mistakes,

An empty ready meal packet

And a tin suitable for cakes.

In conclusion as I`m quickly

Running out of the space I`ve got

Are all my acquisitions necessary?

Definitely.....Possibly.....Maybe Not!

It may not be wonderful poetry but it will go in my journal as a snap shot in time!

EAT,DRINK AND BE MERRY.

2010-07-23T07:13:00.012+01:00

I am awake!
But the hyperactive 9 year old is not and so I have access to the computer without fear of a full frontal assault or my toes being tickled!
Beauty`s sleep routine has been like living with a baby in the house for the last 9 years.I am getting just a little tired of this and sadly I know that not even Supernanny could handle this because Beauty just cannot rationalise.

Talking of Supernanny.....I can hardly say it is my favourite TV show but I can say I am mesmerised by it when it comes on TV.
Many times when I watch the show I cannot believe it is actually real.
Surely parents do not behave that badly?
One program I was convinced was not about the children but about mummy getting on TV.
Each time we saw mummy she had a different outfit on and her makeup and hair was perfect.
OH and the boobs definitely came out of a packet!
One comment about this show on The Supernanny website that I found quite funny was `the tag line of the show was Mummy loses control of her 3 boys, heck she would lose control of the daddy if it weren`t for the boobs!`
When they were growing up,my girls were definitely angels in comparison.

Feeding is definitely a thing that I have gained an insight into from watching Supernanny.
One thing she did say however that I do not agree with is that there isn`t any reason why a child shouldn`t eat everything .Beauty has a Selective eating disorder and whilst her eating is not too selective,there are definitely things she will not eat.
Beauty will eat bread, ham, pizza ,toast,chicken nuggets and pop corn, fish,crisps, yoghurt , breakfast cereal,yorkshire puddings, chicken,tomato sauce, raw cabbage and carrots whenever you put them in front of her but she will not eat fruit or any other vegetables.
All the food she eats is because she has seen them and decided that she wants to eat them.
My problem has been that she eats because she is bored.
I have tried her with other foods many times but she just doesn`t want to know.
Another problem has been that when she starts to wander around the house ,I ask her what she wants and she will always reply with some kind of food.
She now seems to be eating constantly so now when she starts to wander I ask her where she is going and the answer is usually not food.
Plus I am now hiding crisps and when she asks for them I always say that they are ALL GONE and offer her Petit Filous or carrots or ham instead which she always accepts.

Thank goodness the only drink she likes is a no added sugar drink and she will not eat sweets which can`t be bad.
Imagine.....a 9 year old who will not eat sweets!
Beauty was in school one day making sandwiches for a birthday tea for one of the boys and they were making ham sandwiches and she just decided there and then that she LIKED ham.This has been a blessing because now whe can go out and I can make her ham sanwiches to take.
Though it has never been too much of a problem having food when we were out as there is a MacDonalds EVERYWHERE and she will always eat the chicken nuggets and tomatoe sauce!
And as for the Pizza Hut Pizza Buffet, she will eat twice as much as any adult.
Thank goodness though that her eating issues extend to not eating the bread part of the pizza or she would be the size of a house by now.

However, if all else fails and there is nothing else available, the disgusting child has her own buffet on tap!

"DON`T AMOUNT TO A HILL OF BEANS IN THIS CRAZY WORLD"

2010-07-13T04:56:00.005+01:00

Is autism to blame for Beauty getting up so early in the morning?
Many might blame her sleeping patterns on autism , which have never been that brilliant but I think it is just to do with the light mornings.
Everyone has given me their suggestions , from other parents of children on the spectrum, to teachers,to speech therapists , to every `other` kind of specialist.
I however think it is not to do with her autism but her developmental delays in the sense that in many ways she is like a normally developing 9 year old and in other ways she is just like a toddler.
In this way I think she is just like a toddler.
It is light,she sees the light and then wants to get up.
She has been on every medication you can think of to try and stabilise her sleep patterns but nothing seems to work consistently so I stopped the medication.
Many might think that I should take the medication and be grateful but I really do not want Beauty on medication forever.
OK, they may say the medication is fine now and has no side effects but who really knows?
In 20 years time when she develops some illness linked to the medication, what will the Doctors say then, Oh Sorry, We were told it was OK.
I have been considering painting the glass in her bedroom windows black so she cannot see the dawn.
I know it sounds a bit drastic but she only sleeps in the room so she doesn`t need the light to play in there.
When I suggest this to people they say
`OH Why don`t you use blackout blinds ` ,
I say `You do not know Beauty. She has no sense of danger`.

Monday, 15 February 2010
Two Staffordshire children killed by blind cords

Harrison Joyce's father is campaigning for a ban on looped blind cords
Two children from Staffordshire have been killed in separate incidents by cords attached to blinds.
Sixteen-month-old Lillian Bagnall-Lambe, from Stafford, died on Tuesday after becoming entangled.
Her death follows that of Harrison Joyce, three, who died at his home in Lichfield on 4 February.
Staffordshire Police and the county coroner have issued advice following the deaths, warning parents to be aware of the dangers of dangling cords

So I think that my plan of action is to paint the window black before the summer holidays and see if that works!

And I am sure you are wondering, with all this talk of sleep, why I am not sleeping soundly in my bed!
Well, as usual it is a pain in the b.....ack thing and my back appears to have a voice of its own at the moment and it seems to be screaming in agony.

Definitely painkiller time!

Margo McCaffery is a registered nurse and pioneer of the field of pain management nursing. McCaffery's oft-quoted definition of pain as "whatever the experiencing person says it is, existing whenever and wherever the person say it does" has become the prevailing conceptualisation of pain for clinicians over the past few decades.
I love this quote!
Easy to remember and it can ALWAYS be used in any nursing essay.
I used it in 3 different essays in my nursing final exams.
YET.....if this is the case , why do I and others like me, who are in severe pain, feel as if we are not believed when we say we are in pain?
My opinion is because of the type of funding of the health care that is provided in the UK.
Other countries think that we have Free Health Care for all but that is not true.
When you work , you make contributions that pay for your health care and those who are unable to work have their health care paid for by the state.
Before Beauty was born, the condition of my spine deteriorated rapidly and I was unable to work.
Remember, I had worked as a nurse for the NHS and paid my health care contributions.
So I was entitled to Health Care even though I couldn`t work.
But it is also obvious that there is only a certain amount of money in the Health Care pot and in some circumstances(well most really), the patients suffering most, get treated first and I can see and appreciate this.
Yet, I have spent the last 3 days in bed in agony and today I received a letter from the NHS saying that I had been referred but I was on a waiting list and the patients with the most problems would be seen first.
OK but I am in agony now and I have `severe `(now how many NHS doctors do you know that commit to using the word severe,it must be bad!) arthritis in my spine and disc damage.
So if I could afford to pay, I would be seen now but because I can`t afford it, I must wait.
Plus, before I had the x rays done,I felt as if even with my GP, my level of pain wasn`t appreciated because it couldn`t be seen.
Yet the GP sees an x ray of crunchy,crumbly bones and they can appreciate that the situation is`severe`.
I personally feel sorry for the GP`s.
They have a patient in a lot of pain, they can say THIS IS THE PROBLEM, refer them and know that it is still going to be quite a while before the patient is seen by a consultant.

So,McCaffery's oft-quoted definition of pain as "whatever the experiencing person says it is, "
"don’t amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world”.

‘Ah, Mrs Plankhurst, come in and tell me, did the yoga I recommended help to ease your back pain?’

2010-07-12T15:42:00.004+01:00

CLOUD MEMORIES

The day wakes,

Soft and smudged and empty.

Waiting,

To be lived

And loved

And to be filled,

With the happiness of happenings.

That will leave a stain

In my heart,

That will still be there

When I look back

Thirty years from now.

And remember,

How I loved you,

When I was

Still young

And the world was new.....

To me.

THE MOST BORING BOOK EVER!

2010-07-08T23:22:00.007+01:00

The weather forecast said it was going to be cooler today but I guess the weather man lied! Well at least it hasn`t been as hot as parts of the USA where they are having a heatwave but for somebody with very fair skin and red hair IT IS TOO HOT!

For however long it has been since I wrote properly on my blog, it has not been a time of inactivity. I have probably written more in these last few months than I have in my entire lifetime.
I have been writing a journal and I call it my Phd in Hind Sight.My journal is not just about my life but everything I have been reading and how I feel about the books.I have also started another book but this is just about memories from growing up.
My girls have suggested that I write about some of the things that have happened in my life and write a book but my answer was NOT A CHANCE!
And the main reason is that I hate Mis Lit and after reading Angela`s Ashes I swore I would never read another Mis Lit book and I haven`t.I hated the story in Angela`s Ashes about Angela`s baby girl that died, it upset me so much that I said NEVER AGAIN!

But going back to writing a blog entry is really difficult after writing a journal because journal entries can be so much more personal and you write in a journal about really private things that you would not dream of sharing with the world.
Plus I had forgotten how fast it is to write on the computer compared to writing my journal by hand. I really enjoy writing by hand and I write with gel pens as they give a `similar`effect to writing with an ink pen.Perhaps I shall try an ink pen as well!
Whenever I think of writing with an ink pen I think of Winston Smith in 1984 and his journal writing experiences.

However ,I have to confess that my writings are not those of a literary genius and the stories in my life are probably not exciting or even interesting!
At the moment I am reading Mein Kamf and I have to admit that I irreverently call it My Whitterrings!
I really do believe that it even surpasses Midnight`s Children as being the MOST BORING BOOK .....EVER!
I am about three quarters of the way through and it has become like wading through molasses to try and read!Not only is it downright boring but you can only take reading so much irrational , racially abusive bull-shit.
I truly understand why even many of Hitler`s inner circle say they tried to read it but couldn`t get through it!It has to be one of the most depressing pieces of writing I have ever encountered.
Perhaps I do not want to write a book because somebody else might say that my book is the MOST BORING BOOK.....EVER!

I KNOW I DIDN`T GET ASKED BUT.....

2010-07-07T09:14:00.002+01:00

Some random thoughts about me and my random thoughts!

1. God gives you a free ticket to spend the night with absolutely anybody in the world and the entirety of history – whom do you choose?

Well.....considering I do not believe in God, my first reaction would be to pass out at the shock that God exists and he has actually spoken to me!
But a choice of actually anybody?
Hitler, to ask him WHY and IS HE SORRY and I would rather meet him in the day!

2. Frankie Howard or Frankie Boyle? (This is a separate question and is not related to no. 1 above.)
Mmmm.....neither really so perhaps I`d just go for Frankie and Benny's.

3. What life skill or ability do you wish you possessed?

The ability to play the piano.
However, I have quite pronounced Clinodactyly and have tried to learn many times but my fingers just will not stretch far enough.

4. If it takes Johnny three hours to fill a bath with water using a colander and a train travelling at 90mph takes 2 hours to reach it’s destination why does Britain no longer have the right to call itself Great?

A. First, why did dumb Johnny not turn on the bath taps?
B.Second,with the train are we talking `leaves on the line` or `the wrong kind of snow` .
Britain will always be GREAT , its greatness has just evolved and changed!

5. Have you ever genuinely wished to be a member of the opposite sex (or are you that already)?

Let me see.........

What are little boys made of?
What are little boys made of?
Frogs and snails
And puppy-dogs' tails.

Uh.....NO!

6. Do you have any embarrassingly weird interests or hobbies – and if so please explain in detail?

My degree was in History and I specialised in Welsh History but my interest is now Hitler and The Third Reich. I just do not understand WHY or HOW it could happen and the more I read the less I seem to understand.
Some of my children think my interest is weird.

7. Dance, Punk, Goth, Metal, Grunge, Pop, Country, Folk or Classical? The choice is yours.

Actually, anything but Jazz and Trance!
I loathe both.

8. If you could change anything about your current lifestyle / life situation, what would it be? And what would you keep?

I would like a new spine and a replacement of all joints.
And of course I would keep the joy of my life, my six girls.

9. If you were a packet of crisps what flavour would you be?

McCoy's Flame Grilled Steak

10. Describe the sandwich of the gods.

Walkers Salt and Vinegar Crisps sandwich made with thin, cheap white bread.

FAT OR PHAT!

2010-07-06T09:43:00.003+01:00

Yesterday when I went to my neighbours house to return an Avon catalogue she had left me, she commented on the fact that my stomach was FAT!
Good sales technique....HUH!
She has mentioned this before and she is about a size 20/22 whilst I wear size 14/16 jeans and usually I think WHATEVER!
But yesterday I have to admit that it upset me.
Yesterday I was feeling exhausted after doing so much and everyone knows that when your back hurts you tend to slouch which of course makes your stomach look bigger.
Well that`s my excuse and I am sticking to it!
Since I have started dieting I have lost over 4 stone and gone from a size 22 to a size 14/16 which is not bad but I seriously think that after 7 babies my stomach muscles can only achieve so much!
And I do not intend to have cosmetic surgery to resolve the problem.
My Pollyannaism for the situation is that if I slouch on a bus then perhaps someone will give up their seat for me.
However, thinking about it, maybe not at my age!
When I went for my last spinal x ray ,for the first time I wasn`t asked if it was possible I could be pregnant so I must be starting to show my age after a lifetime of people telling me how young I look!

Today is a SOFA DAY.
After yesterdays exhausting run-around, today I will rest on the sofa (with my phone super glued to my hand!) as much as possible and in between rests, try and get some housework done.
So far I have managed to get the `activity corner` going.....I have put on the washing machine and dish washer and I have put the piggies and the rabbits out in their runs which by the way they absolutely LOVE.

Well I did manage to get a rest and I must have fallen asleep because I was woken at 11.30am by the Fed Ex guy phoning me to tell me that he had a parcel for me and was at my garden gate.
It was nice to have a rest and not be rushing around.

Phew.....maybe another rest I think!

WHAT A HOOBY GALOOBY DAY!

2010-07-05T22:57:00.015+01:00

Yes I am alive but not kicking BUT HEY you cannot have everything.
I have had more x rays done on my spine and the arthritis is getting worse but if I stay lying down then the pain eases and goes away but I cannot lie down all day unfortunately(and Beauty wouldn`t let me anyway!)!
Oh Well.
But I have been referred to have my spine seen in the hospital and have possible work done on it or if that is not possible then have painkilling injections straight into my back.....ouch!
This week I am going back to have x rays on my knees and hips as they are also deteriorating but whilst they are very painful, the biggest problem with them is that they dislocate and the dislocating is getting worse and more frequent.But apart from that I am fit and well!!!!!
And Beauty is too.
Beauty`s Biggest problem is that as soon as it is light she is up and out of bed and ready to rock and roll.
And for me, 4 am is just too early to be rocking and rolling.

This early a wake up call leaves me comatose for the rest of the day.
Today was such a day.
For the first hour all I could do was lie on the sofa waiting for the meds to kick in.....which they never did!
I took the second lot of meds at 10am and only by 11 am did they start to work.
Then the rest of the day was spent ferrying Pianoman around to the doctors and chemist and the post office and to take some things to his mother in the nursing home in Llanrumney.
I have a sign in my car which says MUMs TAXI and it is so true.
My back is in 2 pieces because of all the driving and when I got home I almost collapsed.I admire Taxi Drivers,I so could not do it as a job.
Beauty was out with the childminders this afternoon and I so could not cope without them, they took Beauty to the Hollybush in Whitchurch for a carvery meal and she had a wonderful time.The childminders are brilliant.

Beauty enjoying a carvery at The Hollybush.

When she came back Runningman was here and he was at the house to help clear a little of the garage but I was way too tired for that so I had a lie down on my bed whilst he watched Beauty and she was very well behaved and watched her Hoob videos.
Well HOOBY GALOOBY!

I knew there were a lot of Hoob videos out there but Beauty has been watching them since she was very young and I still haven`t seen a repeat!

And this evening has been really brilliant.
I sat on my sofa and did nothing but watch TV and write my journal and it has really helped.

BOOKS TO READ BEFORE YOU DIE!

2010-04-28T09:46:00.006+01:00

I always seem to have at least one book I am in the process of reading(maybe two!) and at least half a dozen books ready to be read.But last year I bought a typical feel-good,romance novel in a charity shop and read it in an evening.On the last page of the book I realised I had read the book before but totally forgotten the story.

My reaction was WHAT A WASTE OF AN EVENING!

The phrase what a waste of an evening reminds me of the time I decided that I HAD to read a Salman Rushdie book.

I bought the book Midnight's Children

I actually managed to read it completely but it was labrious, difficult to follow and BORING!It is obvious that I must be a philistine for not appreciating the quality of his work but I just could not make myself like the book.So,since last years re-reading,I have decided that I must widen my field of reading and try and read some of the classic which I don't seem to have read many of.

I recently read my first Dickens book last week,Oliver Twist and was shocked to find that half the book is missing from the film and in the film the storyline is changed.

Well DUH!

It's like saying I read it in Closer or Hello so something must be true.
I really felt that I had been cheated.
However, I really did enjoy the book,especially the quality and style of writing.

Last night I finished reading Wuthering Heights which is also a book that a lot of films seem to leave half the story out of the production.Again I enjoyed the language and style of the writing BUT as for the characters Heathcliff and Cathy........well I found them to be annoying,selfish brats and thought the two of them could have done with a good hard slap.The redeeming quality of the book is that the subsequent generations of the two families, when Heathcliff dies, genuinely seem to have the promise of a happy future.And even though Heathliff was not a nice character, I personally have to vote for Joseph, the religious zealot as the nastiest character in the book!

And finally my present read........

The Hunchback of Notre-Dame by Victor Hugo

I shall let you know my conclusions!

As academic as these tomes might seem , I have to admit to reading some very LIGHT literature every day.
Niamh's bed time story!
She insists on at least one every day and last nights was The Princess and The Pea.
Lucky me!
I have to admit that when I read the stories I am a bit like Pheobies's mother in Friends.
If I don't like part of the story then I change it.
Hey, how's Niamh ever going to know?
Hey, the blackbird can peck off everybodies nose,Niamh will find that funny but with the Gingerbread house there was no way I was going to tell her a story about getting into a cooker!
When Niamh was younger I once caught her trying to climb into the tumble dryer........now that was bad enough!
And no The Little Match Girl doesn't die and neither does the little girl in The Red shoes!
They live happily ever after.

2010-02-20T23:57:00.002Z

I am feeling very fragile after a migraine headache which doesn't seem to want to go away.
The main stage is over but I have been left with a very heavy headache.
And the sickness has gone thank goodness.
The worst thing about being ill has to be being forced to stay in bed but not being able to sleep and most of all not being able to read any of the wonderful books that I have bought recently because to much reading hurts my eyes.
I have managed to get some naps here and there but the headache seems worse when I lie down so I am trying to sleep propped up which seems to help.
Plus I have now banned myself from sneezing because so much vomitting really hurt my ribs and they are very painful if I sneeze or cough!
Due to having such a headache and very little sleep, I have been having the strangest dreams.....much along the line of Supernatural but without Dean!
At one point I had a dream that Nia and Elen were little again but that was a nice dream.
It was the bit in one dream where I visited one woman's house where she had her home decrated inside with Santa decorations........all year round and then Satan chasing me in storm clouds that worried me slightly!

VENI,VEDI,VISA!

2009-12-18T05:15:00.003Z

It is 5:15am and I am awake again!

I would rather be asleep but NO,my body has other ideas and so here I am awake again at what is considered STUPID O'CLOCK when you do not have to be awake.

Niamh was also awake during the night but she was happy enough to chat and sing to herself until she went back to sleep.

She is a little sweetheart.

It is her last but one day at school.

Can you believe the LEA has them in school again on Monday and the teachers are being made to come in on Tuesday for an Inset day............now that is just plain mean on the teachers.

Why not just have 2 inset days at the start of term?

Last night I did something I haven't done in years.

I went out Christmas shopping.

Usually I buy all the presents a little at a time from September onwards but this year I have been so unwell that I have been going out as little as possible.

So last night I went out with Runningman and bought all the presents that I still had to buy and now I just have the childminders presents to buy and a wedding present for a wedding that is happening over the Christmas holidays.

AND I am considering doing a very large shop in the next few days using the ONLINE service and then going in just to buy a few things next week.

I sound so organised but really I am too cream crackered to do anything else.

People who LOVE TO SHOP must be very healthy and have a very strong constitution.

I FEEL AS IF I HAVE GONE 5 ROUNDS WITH GORGEOUS GEORGE

2009-12-17T09:23:00.003Z

Well I am fair frazzled!

Yesterday evening I went as Runningman's plus 1 at the Roath Conservative Club Christmas party and I am exhausted and I only managed 2 and a half hours!The average age of the other punters was 60 plus and they carried on partying into the early hours.

And on Saturday I am going to a concert where the 'Go Compare' tenor(Pianoman teaches his daughter) is performing as Pianoman's plus 1.

My New Year's Resolution is definitely to find Runningman and Pianoman their very own PLUS ONES!

I am too old to be partying like this.

My idea of a nice December evening is to sit next to Niamh on the sofa as she plays and me to sit sewing whilst we watch a film or listen to Christmas Carols.

Maybe not the most exciting of evenings but at least I don't wake up the next day feeling as if I have gone 5 rounds with Gorgeous George!

[Gorgeous George has just been knocked out]
Tommy: We've lost Gorgeous George.
Brick Top: Shhh. You're going to have to repeat that.
Tommy: We've lost Gorgeous George.
Brick Top: Well, where'd you lose him? He ain't a set of f-cking car keys, is he? And it ain't as if he's incon-f-cking-spicuous now, is it?

SLEEP, WHERE ART THOU?

2009-12-16T02:21:00.006Z

Sleep tonight is evading me!

Nothing exciting except that my elbows and shoulders are hurting and I have given in and taken pain killers which will rid me of the pain BUT keep me awake for hours.

Oh well........you can't have everything.

Today has to have been the worst day as far as weather this winter.

Rain and mist and more rain and mist and so BLOODY COLD.

But it was Niamh's Nativity play and it was a Magical Mystery Tour ,very hippy and psychedelic and each class found a different way to get to the birth of Jesus.

Niamh's class surfed there and she was dressed as a surfer in an Hawaiian shirt and board shorts.

Niamh is a little sweetheart.

As I said before, I have been unwell recently and so I spend a lot of my time sleeping or lying down.

Which can have a positive spin.

I don't go out spending money or using petrol and when I am lying down I do not have the heating on,No Impact Man would be impressed if he knew!

Plus I have been hand sewing some Christmas gifts when I have been sitting resting.

See, even when poorly I am not a total waste of space.

Plus I have bought Christmas presents on line which has saved my energy as well as being good for the environment.

Impressive huh?

My ability to put a positive spin on being a couch potato!

Perhaps I could use all the money I am saving to hire a cleaner!

Fantastic idea.

A WINTER'S DAY

2009-12-14T12:13:00.003Z

Contrary to popular belief,the following is what is most likely to be heard playing in my car at the moment not EAST 17S STAY ANOTHER DAY.

A winter's day
In a deep and dark December;
I am alone,
Gazing from my window to the streets below
On a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

I've built walls,
A fortress deep and mighty,
That none may penetrate.
I have no need of friendship; friendship causes pain.
It's laughter and it's loving I disdain.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

Don't talk of love,
But I've heard the words before;
It's sleeping in my memory.
I won't disturb the slumber of feelings that have died.
If I never loved I never would have cried.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

I have my books
And my poetry to protect me;
I am shielded in my armor,
Hiding in my room, safe within my womb.
I touch no one and no one touches me.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

And a rock feels no pain;
And an island never cries.

I think the S&G song better reflects how I feel at the moment.

I have been away for sometime and I have been thinking all the time that I will write again when I feel better but that never seems to happen so here I am anyway.

So what have I missed?

Today I read about Rick Rolling, it seems my children have heard of it but that one completely passed me by!

I seem to spend to much time asleep to notice much!

Due to me not being well and not really doing much, I have been watching lots of videos and DVDs and the my fave one at the moment has to be Love Actually.

And the character I see my self most like in the film......Billy Mack's sad and lonely and fat manager!

But hey, he may be alone but he is always smiling.

What more can I say?

SLEEPLESS IN CARDIFF!

2009-10-03T05:45:00.006+01:00

SO IN WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING THREE PICTURES IS BEAUTY PRETENDING TO BE ASLEEP?

Here I am again, blogging at Silly O'clock and wishing I could sleep.

Beauty is soundly asleep however which I am not sure is such a good thing because that means she will be bouncing around later when I want to nap.

The weather also seems to have changed as I am sat on the couch by the front garden door and I can hear the wind and the rain.This morning I put the heating on for the first time which definitely means the summer is over! This doesn't really bother me as I really love the Autumn and the run up to Halloween and then Christmas but it is January and February that I find bogs me down,like most people I guess.

WHAT IF I COUNT SHEEP?

GOOD MORNING

2009-10-02T04:41:00.003+01:00

I am awake early.......AGAIN!

But I am VERY FINE with this.

I have had 6 hours sleep and I will nap again later.

And why am I awake?

The sweetest little 8 year old on the planet is asleep but I am awake with my numb arms thing!
The following is listed as a possible cause for problems in FMS

Central dopamine dysfunction (hypodopaminergia)
The 'dopamine hypothesis of fibromyalgia’ proposes that the central abnormality responsible for symptoms associated with fibromyalgia is a disruption of normal dopamine-related neurotransmission. Dopamine is a catecholamine neurotransmitter with roles in pain perception and natural analgesia. There is also strong evidence for a role of dopamine in restless leg syndrome,which is a condition found frequently in patients with fibromyalgia.Some fibromyalgia patients responded in controlled trials to pramipexole, a dopamine agonist that selectively stimulates dopamine D2/D3 receptors and is used to treat both Parkinson's disease and restless leg syndrome.

And I know that my body definitely has a problem with pain perception.

I have had 2 Natural Pain Free Births and many people do not believe it is possible but I can promise you it is.

With SnoWhite the birth lasted 2 hours from start to finish(well they all did apart from Beauty!)

and the labour and birth were pain free.I could feel and see the contractions happening and I obviously knew when the delivery happened but there was no pain.

And the same with Beauty!

Ariel and Fiona were totally the opposite so with Beauty I had arranged to have an Epidural but the nurse kept coming and asking HOW WAS THE PAIN before the Epidural was put in and all I could say was I DON'T KNOW.

So yes, I personally feel that pain perception is a significant problem with FMS.

My arms feel as if I they have been injected by a dentist! They feel numb in the way your face feels when you leave the dentist after LOTS of treatment. So whilst pain is not really the issue at the moment (as the donkey appears to have quit chewing on my arm !), the numbness and pins and needles is.

It is pity I do not know how to isolate what gives me pain free births as I would bottle it and sell it and make a fortune if I did!

I am glad we have the facilities that we have today to be able to be aware of our health issues and so be able to deal with them. I have health issues but I would never say I was ill and even though somedays I may take care of my life from the confines of my sofa or my bed, I know after some R&R time, I am up and about again. I am truly glad that we have progressed so far.

Recently I fead about a child of a famous person(memory completely gone here....sorry!) who talked about their parents severe depression and said IF ZOLOFT HAD BEEN AVAILABLE IN THEIR TIME THEN I AM CONVINCED THEIR LIFE WOULD HAVE BEEN TOTALLY DIFFERENT!

My only real issue with the health problems I have........total lack of energy!

I have a very long list of things I need to do.

One day maybe a housekeeper.......!!!!!!

That's it......I feel a nap coming on!

THIS IS NOT A BLOG POSTING!

2009-10-01T15:37:00.002+01:00

This is a blog posting to say there will be no blog posting today!
Confused yet?
I am too exhausted to do a proper blog post as the 8 year old has been awake and out of bed since 3.30am!
When she finally managed to get me out of bed , Beauty started to clap and shout BRAVO!
So now my brain is refusing to cooperate.
When my brain starts working again I shall let you know.
Autism can be such a tiring thing!

JUSTIFICATION

2009-09-30T09:58:00.008+01:00

'If you cry because the sun has gone out of your life, your tears will prevent you from seeing the stars '

Rabindranath Tagore

It always amazes me that my mood should be so different with the changing of the weather.Today the sun is hiding and I also do not feel as bright as yesterday.

Here I have written a poem to try and explain what it feels like to feel sad for no reason.

I AM SAD

The sun shines
And the sky is oh so blue
The air is warm
And birds sing
No worries
No cares
Those who love me
Close by
Yet still
For no reason
That I
Can fathom
Or understand
I am sad.

Before my children start phoning home to see if I am OK the answer is I AM FINE, in fact as Myra in the film Truly,Madly,Deeply said I AM VERY FINE,I just don't feel as bright as yesterday.

An example of my strange sense of humour!
Today I was looking for the tablecloth that I had used on the lunch table yesterday but I couldn't find it.
And for a moment.......a brief nano second......I thought perhaps one of the girls has picked it up and put it away!
Then I realised what I had thought and couldn't stop laughing!
My children would step over Jimmy Hoffa's body and show no interest as long as it didn't get in their way of food and bed!

Further proof that whilst I may not be feeling 100%, my sense of humour is still intact!This morning I went to the front door to get the post and whilst there I noticed the baseball bat which is allegedly there for protection from home invasion!
It is the bat that Fiona had as a birthday present and within 5 minutes of having it she took it to Ariel's head......NICE CHILD!
Anyway to get back to the point.
We live on a pedestrianised estate so the roads are at the back of the houses and only people you do not know come to the front door so the front door is barely used.

Here is the base ball bat.

And the front door!

It made me laugh when I realised that it would need to be a very clever HOME INVADER to get past all this stuff and you couldn't swing a cat in this area let alone a baseball bat!

Why I should not leave the house with money in my purse and sales on in the shops!

I bought all of these in BHS in the sale.

A pie dish......I can never have too many pie dishes!
There is almost always one of my pie dishes at one of my friends houses.

A cruet set.....believe it or not I do not have one as I only add salt to chips but we do have guests who use salt so I saw this pretty set and it was ALMOST shouting BUY ME,BUY ME! Almost, I am not totally mad!

And finally a sugar holder.
I also rarely use sugar on cereals or in drinks but again,we have visitors who do and this one was so pretty and I didn't have one,so.....I HAD TO(HAD TO!)BUY IT!

And how do I justify buying my new pretty things!
Well,I don't drink alcohol,I don't smoke,I don't go out partying,I don't buy expensive clothes(apart from underwear I haven't bought any clothes for about a month.
I like to party by having lunches or tea parties so I will be able to use my pretty new things then!
WOW I am good at this justifying lark!

RED SKY AT NIGHT

2009-09-29T06:23:00.004+01:00

Brrrrr.......am I cold!
It feels more like winter this morning!
I am sat on the sette with my mother's old fleecy polar bear dressing gown and a Welsh waffle blanket wrapped around my legs.I will definitely be wearing PJs to bed tonight not a nightie, when you wear a nightie and you get out of bed your legs sure get cold quickly!
But it should a nice day today as we had a beautiful red sky last night.

RED SKY AT NIGHT,SHEPHERD'S DELIGHT
RED SKY IN MORNING,SHEPHERD'S WARNING

Or as Jesus said
He answered and said unto them, When it is evening, ye say, It will be fair weather: for the sky is red.
And in the morning, It will be foul weather to day: for the sky is red and lowering. O ye hypocrites, ye can discern the face of the sky; but can ye not discern the signs of the times?
My mother was brought up in a tiny village near the North Sea and she used to quote this as

SAILOR'S DELIGHT.

Yesterday evening we went to the Bay so Fiona could take some photos for her photography class and the weather was so beautiful that it made for some stunning photographs so when I can get some from Fiona I shall share them with you.

This painting is absolutely stunning.
If i only could paint so well but no I am afraid it is painted by another.
The artist is called Ed Kitchen

Yesterday was my Creative Writing class and it was about Script Writing and Dialogue and whilst this is not exactly the type of writing that gets me all fired up,I still enjoyed the class.I have not started my homework yet so I have no script to share.

But I did write this poem for a friend

Breathe in
And out
One breath
At a time
And know this
That life
Will go on
And tomorrow
Will come
And you will
Again know joy
And be happy.

One step
Forwards
Two steps
Backwards
It may seem
The path
Will appear
Too hard
But soon
You will
Go forwards
And no longer back.

Know that
Family
Know that
Friends
Will always
Be here
And care for
And support
And carry
You safely
'Til the pain goes
And you are whole once more.

CHILD BRIDES

2009-09-27T12:06:00.005+01:00

Do you remember this recent story?

British law forces Canadian bride to leave Welsh husband

By Damian Inwood , Vancouver Province September 11, 2009

VANCOUVER — Heartbroken Rochelle Wallis is recovering at her home in Revelstoke, B.C., after being “ripped away” from her husband in the United kingdom.
“It’s a horrible feeling being without my husband,” she said Thursday. “I spent nearly the last two years waking up every morning and going to sleep with him next to me, and it really set in when I woke up this morning and he wasn’t there.”
Wallis, 19, was forced to say goodbye to her husband Adam, 28, at Heathrow Airport Tuesday, all because of a law intended to protect vulnerable young women from forced marriages.

At the time of reading this I remember thinking how silly the law was not to make exceptions and I still feel the same way.
I also understand the reasoning behind the law which was put into place to protect young girls from forced marriages.

Forced marriage plea to schools
By Dominic Casciani BBC News

Forced marriage: Helpline calls up on last year
New guidance is being published urging schools to identify signs of forced marriages ahead of the holidays.
The guidance comes as an official report raises questions about how some schools and councils have failed to act on suspicions or evidence of abuse.
The report calls on schools to play a greater preventative role, saying some are clearly reluctant to get involved.
The government's Forced Marriage Unit (FMU) says it has received 770 calls for help this year - up 16% on 2008.
Experts say the coming month will be critical because there is growing evidence that abusive families use the school summer holidays to coerce daughters and sons to marry abroad.
The new guidance published by the FMU urges teachers to be aware of signs of a possible forced marriage because school or college is often the only place where the potential victim can speak freely.

And my point in mentioning this is?
Whilst reading about a number of cases regarding child marriages, I was surprised(no shocked) to find that whilst the minimum age in the UK is 16........no ifs, no buts......16 is the lowest age at which you can marry (check it out here but there are plenty of other sites to verify this), that is not the case in the USA.
And when I Googled a bit more I found many reports of children as young as 13 being allowed to marry.
And I am sorry,when I read this I just laughed and laughed because I thought it was a JOKE but the more I read the more I realised it wasn't.
Well it is a joke but it isn't meant to be.
For example (yes I do realise this is not a new case)

FALLS CITY, Neb., Aug. 29 - On Sunday evening, Matthew Koso tipped three ounces of formula into his 5-day-old daughter's mouth, then hoisted her atop his shoulder in hope of a burp. On Tuesday morning, he is scheduled to be arraigned on charges for which the newborn is the state's prime piece of evidence.

Chris Cummins for the New York Times
Matthew Koso, 22; his wife Crystal, 14; and their daughter, Samara. Mr. Koso faces an arraignment Tuesday on a charge of statutory rape.
Mr. Koso is 22. The baby's mother, Crystal, is 14. He is charged with statutory rape, even though they were wed with their parents' blessing in May, crossing into Kansas because their own state prohibits marriages of people under 17.
The Nebraska attorney general accuses Mr. Koso of being a pedophile; they say it is true love.
"We don't want grown men having sex with young girls," said Jon Bruning, the attorney general. "We make a lot of choices for our children: we don't allow them to vote; we don't allow them to drink; we don't allow them to drive cars; we don't allow them to serve in wars at age 13, whether they want to or not; and we don't allow them to have sex with grown men."
But Mr. Koso's mother, Peggy, said she and her husband of 25 years were proud that their son did not disappear like so many deadbeat dads.

Whilst I agree with Mr Koso's mother that her son is doing the right thing and his dedication to his child and the child's mother cannot be faulted, it is the Law that I have the issue with that ALLOWS a child under the age of 16 to be married whatever the circumstances.

I have 6 girls and they know exactly how I feel about getting married young, what's the point of having experience and not being able to tell your children about it?
I was married at 19(which doesn't seem too young) and I feel that I was too young.
My girls were too young at 16 and they were definitely too young at 13.

Here is something to think about................think of the boys you went out with when you were 13 and 16........imagine if you had married them.
What did they turn out like?
Were you ready?
Where they ready?
Are you scared at what your life could have been like?

However, I have met 2 families where the mothers were 14 and 16 when they married and they both seem to have had a very happy family life, so it can work but that wasn't today,it was in the 1950's.

Thankfully not everybody feels the same ways about child brides in the USA and work has been done to stop these marriages.

Although the practice is most common in the developing world, child marriage still exists in industrialized countries, where it is intimately linked with poverty.

In the United States, teens can get married as young as 14 with parental consent in some states. After a highly publicized case in Kansas last year in which a pregnant 14-year-old married her 22-year-old boyfriend, the state raised the minimum marrying age to 15 with a judge's approval. The man, Matthew Koso, pleaded guilty to first-degree sexual assault and was sentenced in February to 18 to 30 months in prison.

According to a 2002 study by the Washington-based Center for Law and Social Policy, around 1 percent of U.S. teens between 15 and 17 have been married. However, the 2000 U.S. census found that teen marriage rates increased by nearly 50 percent during the 90s.

Researchers have speculated on a number of reasons for this escalation, including the impact of abstinence-until-marriage programs, welfare policies that promote marriage and the influx of immigrants from societies where early marriage is common.

A 2004 report by Save the Children found that over one-fifth of 20-year-old women in the United States gave birth while still teens, the highest adolescent birth rate among industrialized countries. U.S. teens living in rural communities with high poverty rates and below-average education levels are most likely to become young mothers.

By writing this I am not trying to claim the UK is perfect and other countries are not. We have our own fair share of problems to deal with what I am saying is that no matter what under 16 year olds look like or behave like, they are still physically,emotionally and developmentally children and should be treated and respected as such.

SUNDAY MORNING

2009-09-27T05:55:00.006+01:00

REMEMBER YESTERDAY'S PHOTOS OF MY LOUNGE?
THIS IS HOW IT LOOKS NOW!

SEE.......I CAN DO CLEAN!

But most of all, can Mr California Man see that the sun is shining in both pictures?

The sun may not shine here all of the time but it does shine as you can see from both the photographs!

We are awake at STUPID O'CLOCK again!

Well anything is STUPID O'CLOCK if it is before 6am if you are not prepared to be awake.When I worked nights,I loved working nights but that was because I had slept during the day and was ready for being awake all night but this is a form of torture.Thankfully today is the day the childminders take Beauty so I will be able to have a nap whilst they go and play somewhere like JUMP.

CARDIFF JUMP PLAY CENTRE

Can you see why Beauty loves this place?It is an amazing place for children(and their mothers!)

They took Beauty to Techniquest a few weeks ago which she loves equally as much and I intend to buy a family season ticket so they can take her more often.

You can see why Beauty loves Techniquest.The adults look like they are having lots of fun too!

I have just been in to check what Beauty is doing and I am happy to tell you that she seems to be thoroughly enjoying watching a repeat of Antiques Roadshow.I think Beauty may grow up to have similar interests to mine!

One activity I really must get sorted out for Beauty is cycling which was recomended by her physiotherapist to help with her joints. PEDAL POWER is situated in Sophia Gardens in town.they are able to cycle around Sophia Gardens,Pontcanna fields,Cooper's Field and Bute Park.But hopefully not all on the same day!

BUTE PARK

A poem I remember reading in school.

SUNDAY MORNING

Down the road someone is practising scales,
The notes like little fishes vanish with a wink of tails,
Man's heart expands to tinker with his car
For this is Sunday morning, Fate's great bazaar;
Regard these means as ends, concentrate on this Now,

And you may grow to music or drive beyond Hindhead anyhow,
Take corners on two wheels until you go so fast
That you can clutch a fringe or two of the windy past,
That you can abstract this day and make it to the week of time
A small eternity, a sonnet self-contained in rhyme.

But listen, up the road, something gulps, the church spire
Open its eight bells out, skulls' mouths which will not tire
To tell how there is no music or movement which secures
Escape from the weekday time. Which deadens and endures.

Louis Macneice

PEEK A BOO

2009-09-26T10:00:00.010+01:00

Hey Girls recognise yourselves in this picture?

A quick question.
Can anyone reading this blog tell me why my viewing stats have gone up by approximately 1,000 overnight?
Did I upset somebody?
It would be nice to know!

Beauty went to bed at her usual time last night and I am happy to say that she slept peacefully all night and awoke with a smile.
However,when she came into the kitchen we have a brief moment where she looked out of the window and said,'Where's he gone?'.
But then she went to the fridge and got herself a drink and then went to watch Cinderella on the video......AGAIN!
So I think we maybe OK.

(I can hear her clapping and shouting BRAVO so she sounds happy enough)

A sure sign that Beauty is OK........she has trashed the living room!

My girls have told me that I would be OCD and my house immaculate if I didn't have children in the house.That is so true.

The problem though with having 6 girls is that they will go on to have 6 lots of children so the children in the house seems to be a never ending prospect!

All I have to do is deal with the mess now!

At present, I am scouring the internet to find Autumn craft ideas for Beauty and I to do together.Which really means that unles the activity includes copious amounts of paint and getting dirty then Beauty is happy to hold onto and guide my hands whilst I do the activity!Or just stand next to me totally enthralled and hand flapping!

Niamh happily hand flapping at the ducks by the lake in Santee, San Diego.

Now this is definitely number one on my list of something we can do.
Found at DomestikGoggess.com
I think they are stunning and look quite easy to make.I also managed to find lots of activities at
http://www.marthastewart.com/ now some of the activities here are stunning and also easy-ish!

One of Martha Stewarts HOW-TOs is Pumpkin Candy Faces

we will definely be trying this one.

I will definitely be posting the pictures of the things we make this autumn.

I LOVE RED!

2009-09-25T18:52:00.003+01:00

Beauty having a splashing good time in San Diego

It has been a worrying day as far as Beauty is concerned.
Beauty has had separation anxiety attacks since she was quite small but not in the traditional sense.
She has always been very happy to go to school and to go out with the childminders but she dislikes it when people who visit her leave. She also doesn't like it when I am not around and says 'where's she gone?'
When we went to the US for the summer and had to say goodbye to friends and she was absolutely distraught and still asks where they are.She cried for hours with that episode.
Today after school we went to the shops to buy her some new waterproof trousers for wearing in the school garden and Forest School and our friend the IT man came with us.Well the 2 of them played in the shop like a pair of naughty 3 year olds and she really enjoyed the time they spent together.Well the moment we arrived home and she knew he wasn't coming into the house she became distraught and started to cry 'Where's he gone' over and over and she started to cry and wouldn't stop.
And anyone who knows Beauty well knows that her crying is not a pretty sight as her skin is so pale that when she cries she becomes all blotchy and it looks as if she has an incurable disease!
So we lay down on the sofa and cuddled for an hour until the crying subsided.

Don't worry, she is fine now.
I am worried about this as this is the second time in a couple of months and before that it was maybe a year since her last anxiety attack.
I have googled separation anxiety and treatments but everything I have read seems to be geared for normally developing children and so I am at a loss as what to do apart from lay down with her and cuddle her.

COLOUR THERAPY

Colour Therapy is a complementary therapy for which there is evidence dating back thousands of years to the ancient cultures of Egypt, China and India. Colour is simply light of varying wavelengths, thus each colour has its own particular wavelength and energy.

The energy relating to each of the seven spectrum colours of red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo and violet, resonates with the energy of each of the seven main chakras/energy centres of the body. If you can imagine the chakras as a set of cogs/wheels, they are rather like the workings of a clock or an engine; each cog/wheel needs to move smoothly for the clock/engine to work properly. Thus good health and wellbeing is achieved by a balance of all these energies. Balance of the energy in each of the body’s chakras is very important for health and wellbeing. Colour therapy can help to re-balance and/or stimulate these energies by applying the appropriate colour to the body and therefore re-balance our chakras.

Well ,until I study this a bit more then I am afraid this is all a little bit deep for me but the point that I want to make is that I love colour and I think I need to add a bit of colour into my life to cheer me up because of the changeable weather we are having at the moment.

And at the moment my favourite colour is RED.

Last night I bought a lovely Egyptian cotton sheet in a sale and it is now on my bed cheering me up.

I think the sheet goes very well with my vintage pillowcases(by vintage I mean 1980's, I find it scary when I see things for sale on EBAY described as vintage when they are circa 1980!).

At the moment I am taking Beauty to bed an hour early and I either go to bed myself or sit in bed and read or write or knit until she goes to sleep so it is nice to have the bedroom looking so cheery.

I BLAME THE BLOODY RAIN!

2009-09-23T05:53:00.006+01:00

Yesterday we went to IKEA and of course Beauty had her favourite meal of fish, chips and peas and TOMATO SAUCE!
Whilst SnoWhite had her favourite meal of peas and chips(don't ask)!
After our meal we went to Hobby Craft(may I add, nowhere near as good as Michael's) to buy some knitting needles which I managed with moments to spare as the shop was about to close.
And then we drove home ........in the dark and in the rain!
I have no problem driving in the dark but it was the combination of the rain and the dark that made mee realise that YES AUTUMN has truly arrived!
And I especially know this because.......?
The arthritis in my back kicked in with a vengenance yesterday morning and yes I do blame the weather!
AND NOW FOR THE SCIENTIFIC BIT!

Ask the Experts - October 31, 2005

Does damp or wet weather really make arthritis pain worse? If so, how?

Donald A. Redelmeier, a professor of medicine at the University of Toronto, explains.
People with arthritis often believe that changes in the weather cause flare-ups of their disease. Decades of medical research, however, have failed to establish an objective relationship between arthritis severity and weather patterns. Moreover, detailed interviews with specific patients have yielded mostly anecdotes, and those who move to drier climates do not report major relief.

The specific idea of dampness affecting arthritis symptoms seems an unlikely mechanism for a number of reasons. The skin surrounding joints is rather impervious to water and most people stay dry indoors during rain anyway. In addition, arthritis patients do not experience dramatic changes in their symptoms when immersed in water (such as during baths or swimming). Wet weather may also be associated with other climatic conditions, such as decreases in barometric pressures. But even this connection seems implausible, given that much greater pressure swings are tolerated easily during plane travel or mountain driving in a car.

Another weather component is humidity, which might enter the body through the respiratory tract. But this seems an unlikely contributor because hospitalized patients are often given humidified air to breathe and this has little apparent effect on arthritis conditions. Furthermore, a long shower does not usually induce arthritis pain.

None of the past studies investigating this link is flawless; hence, the possibility remains that a small association does exist between changes in the weather and flares in arthritis pain. Small associations would not explain the strength and popularity of the belief, however, considering that people do not reliably detect small correlations. In fact, studies from psychology suggest that people often see patterns even where none exist. A prime example is the capacity to visualize outlines of animals in overhead clouds. An even more compelling example is people's belief in streak basketball shooting even when scoring patterns follow a random sequence.

The episodic nature of both arthritis pain and the weather can further encourage spurious beliefs because multiple components and time lags are possible with each element. By random chance, some days of dramatic weather will be followed by pain. Moreover, a single big coincidence is unforgettable. Over the years people may pay more attention to confirming evidence, neglect contrary evidence, and misinterpret ambiguous evidence thereby entrenching the belief. In contrast, a scientific approach would require a more rigorous search and recording of contrary information.

Another axiom of science is dispassionate observation. Achieving this standard in clinical medicine often requires blinding, so that neither clinicians nor patients know what exposure is active. Failures of blinding allow conscious or subconscious factors to distort reporting. With the weather, of course, it's hard to be blind.

Extinguishing the belief in a link between weather patterns and arthritis flare-ups requires a randomized trial, yet such a study is unlikely to be feasible anytime soon. Moreover, the failure to find a difference in such a trial might not be fully convincing because those who still believe in the correlation might claim that the participants were insufficient in number or unrepresentative of their experience.

Ultimately, peoples' belief about wet weather and arthritis may reveal more about the workings of the mind than the body. Indeed, the innate tendency to identify patterns and discount randomness has evolutionary benefits because predictability can often be turned to advantage, whereas randomness is hard to exploit.

So this researcher seems to think NO , it can not be proven but what about the following

Instead of
"damp" weather, there seems to be a correlation with arthritis flares and barometric pressure.
In a Harvard Health Publication from 2007, it sited tests done on human and rats in controlled enviroments...the findings: arthritic rats appeared to suffer more pain with lowering of the barometric pressure; middle-aged and older people with osteoarthritis noted little or no effect of weather on their joint symptoms; and, among people with osteoarthritis and rheumatoid arthritis who believed strongly that there was a connection between weather and arthritis analysis of symptoms and weather changes demonstrated little or no effect.

There are more than 100 types of arthritis -- it is possible that different types of arthritis will respond differently to changes in barometric pressure.

Even though the results were inconclusive, in my personal case, there is a correlation between low barometric pressure and arthritis pain.
I'm polyarthritic and the pain increases significantly just before a drop in pressure, and recedes once the pressure stabilizes.

Since the studies focused on only two different types of arthritis,(rheumatoid and osteo) perhaps different types of arthritis are more sensitive to changes in
pressure.

So......the boring bit out of the way!
The arthritis in the damage in my back is agony and NO(to the 1st researcher), your evidence may not prove my pain but

PAIN IS DEFINITELY WHAT THE PATIENT SAYS IT IS!

I definitely feel a strong desire to holiday in Spain for the winter!

I love Fuerteventura .

When I am old I shall wear purple!

2009-09-22T12:12:00.003+01:00

Yes ,Saturday 'till now is a long time but I have been feeling pretty grotty so sorry about not writing and keeping you updated.
This morning I visited the Doctor about the pains in my arm and my finger and he thinks it is related to my FMS and there is not a lot can be done about it.Well as long as my arm does not wither and drop off I can go with that!
It is the sleeplesss nights that are the biggest problems.
If only the nights that the pains in my arm kept me awake corresponded with the nights that Beauty decides to stay awake and party!

And Saturday Beauty and I did party, though not in the night.
We went to The New Theatre in town to watch the Josesph musical and Beauty loved it.We had brilliant seats that were on the end about three rows from the front which gave us a perfect view. I know that Beauty knows all the words to all the songs so I was surprised that she did not sing along BUT she has been singing the songs since......constantly!

Yesterday I started my creative writing class and it was quite interesting.
The class was held at The Howardian education centre and I was really surprised to see so many classes available for one morning, I have never been to such a large education centre before.
In the first class we separated into 3 groups and each group discussed a poem about ageing and then presented their findings.I was in the group that discussed and presented the poem Warning ,better known as When I Am Old I Shall Wear Purple.
Afterwards we had to write a response to what we had discussed and studied.
In 10 minutes I wrote the following,remember ......10 minutes is a very short time!

Now I am older
And my children older too,
I no longer have to worry
Or do the things I had to do.

I eat Sugar Puffs for my supper
And cold pizza at breakfast time,
Even though I know I shouldn't,
Guilt is no longer a trait of mine.

Not much I know but it is a start.
And I have to finish the poem as homework.

DANCE WITH THE TELETUBBIES!

2009-09-19T10:08:00.004+01:00

Well I feel totally energy sapped whilst the 8 year old is dancing around the lounge with the Teletubbies!

I have emptied and refilled the dishwasher,emptied and refilled the washing machine and pegged clothes out to dry and I feel like I have run a marathon with Eddie Izzard!

I don't think I have the energy to chase the Black Dog away even if I wanted to!
At least the pigs don't need cleaning out today which is definitely a bonus.

At last I totally agree with Obama on something, Kanye West is a Jackass for what he did to Taylor Swift.
But then I don't think the term Jackass should be confined to Kanye.

Anger at Iranian Holocaust denial
The Iranian president's latest denial of the Nazi Holocaust has drawn strong condemnation from Western powers.
Speaking in the capital, Tehran, President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad said the Holocaust was a "a lie based on an unprovable and mythical claim".
Germany said the comments were a "disgrace to his country" while the US said they would "isolate Iran further".
Mr Ahmadinejad made the remarks at an annual rally where opposition supporters clashed with police.
Reformists, who have been banned from holding demonstrations since disputed presidential elections in June, defied warnings not to use the pro-Palestinian Quds (Jerusalem) Day marches to stage protests.
'Unacceptable and shocking'
As part of the Quds Day events, President Ahmadinejad delivered a speech in which he repeated previous assertions that the Holocaust was a lie.

See......some people just don't know me at all!
Assumption is the mother of all ...............what was that phrase again?

And on a different note.
Feeling so lacking in energy I was thinking today about this poem and how I am NOW OLD(and grey under the hair colour)!

William Butler Yeats. b. 1865

When You are Old

WHEN you are old and gray and full of sleep
And nodding by the fire, take down this book,
And slowly read, and dream of the soft look
Your eyes had once, and of their shadows deep;

How many loved your moments of glad grace,
And loved your beauty with love false or true;
But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you,
And loved the sorrows of your changing face.

And bending down beside the glowing bars,
Murmur, a little sadly, how love fled
And paced upon the mountains overhead,
And hid his face amid a crowd of stars.

Moving swiftly on.......................!

Beauty just came up to me and looked me straight in the eye(remember the 'aversion' thing)
and said to me

'are we not going to have ice cream?

I am sorry but I just burst out laughing, no conversation for ages BUT when she wants something it is totally different!
Beauty is a sweetheart.

NOW IS THE WINTER OF MY DISCONTENT

2009-09-17T06:02:00.005+01:00

I went to a funeral on Tuesday and I haven't really felt like blogging since then.
It was a friend that died too young.
What is to say apart from yet again it makes me think of my personal spiritual journey.
My friends daughter spoke at the funeral and she talked about her father and it made me wish I had known him better......HE WAS A STAR BAR.......and in our family that is the highest accolade!

"May you live all the days of your life" Jonathan Swift.

On the day of my friends funeral I put this on my Facebook for him.
And yes he did 'live all the days of HIS life'

I am awake early AGAIN with another cold and I am fed up already and this is only my 2nd cold!
Two years ago I had a bug of some sort all the way through from September to March and then I promised if it happened again I was going to spend the winter in Fuerteventura!
And Cardiff University has a Common Cold Centre!!!
All I can say is GET ON WITH THE RESEARCH AND FIND A BL**DY CURE!
And no the vitamin C in not working. Whenever I am poorly,and no I am not wallowing, the words from the following song come into my head.
I realise The Verve weren't talking about my rant against Cold Cure or my lack of pain control for Fibromyalgia,but not everything in this life has to be literal.
The Drugs Don't Work - The Verve)
All this talk of getting old
It's getting me down my lord
Like a cat in a bag waiting to drown
This time I'm coming 'round
And I hope you're thinking of me
As you lay down on your side
Now the drugs don't work they just make you worse
But i know i'll see your face again
Now the drugs don't work they just make you worse
But i know i'll see your face again
But i know i'm on a losing streak
As i pass down by your street
And if you want a show
Then just let me know
And i'll sing in your ear again
Now the drugs don't work they just make you worse
But i know i'll see your face again
Cause maybeIf heaven falls
I'm coming to
Just like you said
If you leave my life
I'm better off dead
All this talk of getting old
It's getting me down my love
Like a cat in a bag waiting to drown
This time i'm coming 'round
Now the drugs don't work they just make you worse
But i know i'll see your face again
Cause maybeIf heaven falls
I'm coming toJust like you said
If you leave my lifeI'm better off dead
But if you want a show
Then just let me know
And i'll sing in your ear again
Now the drugs don't work they just make you worse
But i know i'll see your face again
I know i'll see your face againNever coming down
No more (repeat to fade end)

BOOKS........You know me,I am addicted.
And yes I do read them all!
Well apart from Mansefield Park and I am still trying on that one!
Perhaps I should have a Sponsored Read and if I complete the book in a certain time them the monies raised go to Beauty's school.
Now that would definitely work!
Anyway,back to my books.

These are my brand new purchases for my new CAMILLA course.

I cannot wait.

These books I bought 2nd hand online and one of the companies I will never buy from again.The 2 books cost pretty much the same but the one on the right was an unwanted gift in pristine condition but the one on the left was labeled in good condition but wasn't! Don't get me wrong, the book is perfectly readable but has been stored in a damp area and the pages are yellowed and stained.And I love my books!

And lastly my Charity Shop purchases for the day.A Dalai Lama book to help with The Journey and the Agatha Christie encyclopedia because I love Agatha Christie,especially Miss Marple but as well I do think the current Poirot is brilliant.

Can anything be done for my addiction to buying and reading books?

I hope not!

HOME AND CONTENT.

2009-09-11T11:59:00.003+01:00

It seems I am blogging back for good,well it seems that way anyway!

As always I am multi-tasking as I write and I am also cleaning at the same time(well not literally but you know what I mean).

Somebody who has a very small baby and a toddler asked me yesterday how I could have had children so many times meaning when the whole thing is so exhausting.Well looking back on my life it was probably being 'The busiest bee in the beehive ' thing and the whole desire for the 'Whole Celestial Deal' but now I am definitely way too cynical and it was probably a good thing that I had them when I did or Anastasia would have been an only child(not forgetting her older brother of course). Motherhood definitely takes youthful exuberance to pull the whole thing off.

I was 'proper poorly' when I had Beauty at 39, it would probably kill me now!

When I go on holiday there are 2 things I tell my children

1.If the animals die do not try and replace them with similar to make me think nothing has happened,I WILL BE ABLE TO TELL THE DIFFERENCE! The animals we have are psychotic and the the pigs we have are brothers and way,way too friendly with each other, so YES I WILL KNOW!

2. If you break something like a fridge,mirror etc tell me because I WILL FIND OUT.

This summer whilst we were away I am happy to say the animals are all fine but one of my saucepans went on holiday on it's own to Lourdes and was miraculously healed!

I came home to find that my IKEA(no not Le Creuset, blood would have been spilt!)saucepan had been magically fixed and nobody knew how.Because the saucepan is so small it has to be placed very carefully on my cooker or the underside of the handle will get burnt and it has been burned a number of times.Yet I came home to find it was miraculously healed........surely this is a sign?

My opinion?

Somebody burnt the butt out of the other saucepan and replaced it!

I am now eating my lunch whilst writing and my one piece of advice for today is......ASDA's own Tomato Soup is nowhere near as good as Heinz Tomato Soup.

Why PROCRASTINATION can be so off putting!

This is my post for the 6 weeks of summer,sorted and ready for recycling.It took ages to sort and as you all know,the ECO PRINCESS hates recycling!!!!

MORE HOLIDAY POTOS

2009-09-10T04:30:00.004+01:00

A DINER WE ATE AT IN SAN DIEGO

BEAUTY ON THE OVERHEAD RIDE AT THE SAN DIEGO ZOO

BEAUTY WAS FASCINATED BY THE ELEPHANTS

THIS ANIMAL WAS OBSESSED WITH BEAUTY'S BUGGY

AT THE ZOO

There are lions and roaring tigers,

and enormous camels and things,

There are biffalo-buffalo-bisons,

and a great big bear with wings.

There's a sort of a tiny potamus,

and a tiny nosserus too -

But I gave buns to the elephant

when I went down to the Zoo!

There are badgers and bidgers and bodgers,

and a Super-in-tendent's House,

There are masses of goats, and a Polar,

and different kinds of mouse,

And I think there's a sort of a something

which is called a wallaboo -

But I gave buns to the elephant

when I went down to the Zoo!

If you try to talk to the bison,

he never quite understands;

You can't shake hands with a mingo -

he doesn't like shaking hands.

And lions and roaring tigershate saying,

"How do you do?" -

But I give buns to the elephant

when I go down to the Zoo!

Alan Alexander Milne

Whilst we were on holdiday we went to 2 zoos.

We visited San Diego zoo and Panama City Beach Zoo and Beauty loved them both.

San Diego Zoo was amazing and it had so many animals to see that Beauty absolutely loved her visit.The other brilliant thing about the zoo was the fact that there were so many animals but they were all cared for so well.The animals all seemed very happy and healthy looking and whilst I understand the need for zoos I have never been to keen on them but this zoo was a wonderful example of how a zoo should be run.
Now Panama City Beach Zoo was the tiniest zoo I have ever been in but it was lovely and the animals did seem well cared for and happy.However, the best part of this zoo was the fact it was so small and so I felt it's size helped in making it a wonderful educational facility.We were able to wander around and because of the size easily see everything......twice! Beauty loved the giraffe best.

CHEYENNE AT PANAMA CITY BEACH

WHAT A BEAUTIFUL ANIMAL

I JUICED!

2009-09-08T15:48:00.004+01:00

I have a juicer I do not often use but all my juice recipe books say to keep the juicer out on your counter or on your kitchen table and then you will use it more.

So my juicer now has pride of place on my kitchen table and I have started to juice again.

And my first recipe was to help my skin repair itself after the sunburn.

The recipe called for 3 carrots, 3 pieces of brocoli and some water cress.

Sounds disgusting?

I totally agree but it tasted a lot better than it looked.

And if it does my skin good!